A New Year's Kiss

A bit of a personal post here.

I'm always a bit nostalgic at the end of the year. It weirds me out that a whole year has gone by...a year that I will never ever get back. Hope I lived it to the fullest.

Nonetheless, if you visit this blog, you know the name of it is Free Love 2009. Well, 2009 is hours away from over but I am certainly keeping the year on the name. It pays homage to a lot of things about this year. This blog has become my lovechild and I'm grateful every day to have it as a creative outlet. I'm grateful for the people who enjoy reading my craziness. I'm grateful for the experiences, both personal and not so personal, that inspire me.

As the year draws to a close, I hope you are spending tonight with people you love. Maybe not a significant other, but simply people you love. I have been fortunate enough to spend the past few new years with 3 of the most amazing friends on the planet, always knowing that they will be there for me at any time and any hour during the year ahead.

Freelove2009 will only get bigger and better in 2010. A website perhaps? A book of love poetry on the way? The possibilities are endless.

Maybe, in the end, love is not free. Maybe it costs time, money, energy, devotion, and diligence. But, real love, love that knows no boundaries, can only work if you give it and give of yourself in the most free and vulnerable way possible.

2009, it has been real. It has been wonderful. It has been beautiful. It has been a year I will not soon forget.

Can't wait to cause more ruckus in 2010.

Happy 2010 to all. Consider this your new year's kiss.

Love freely,

tY

BFF.

Best friends are tough cookies.

Especially when they are of the female persuasion.

If you have ever liked a guy whose best friend is a girl, allow me to applaud you because it is not easy. Women are territorial and that level of leaving your mark only increases when they guy is a best friend.

Why are female best friends so protective of their guy best friend?

I do believe men and women can just be friends. However, I think girl best friends are ultra protective of their guy friends because they understand how women operate and consequently, they do not want their friend to get caught in a situation that they might have easily created themselves with another guy. Women understand one another and they understand that some women can be manipulative and deceiving.

OK, OK. Isn't that a great benefit of the doubt synopsis? Now, on to being real.

While men and women can just be friends, some women do subconsciously want their male best friend to one day be their groom. And, to some extent, can you blame them? After years of bonding with a person, those feelings are only natural. Also, some women are naturally very caddy and jealous. Unfortunate and sad, but true. So, it is instinctive for them to despise their boy's new girl because well, the new girl is not them.

In the end, harboring negative feelings for your boy's boo is counterproductive. Unless you can prove that she is an ax murderer, chances are he will take your opinion into consideration without letting your word be law. He will still think she's hot, cool, and possible gf material.

Everyone deserves a fair chance. No point in holding anything against the poor girl just because your guy friend has maybe seen her in her skivvies. So, stop trying to mark your territory and because then, you'll just be known as a female dog.

Love freely,
tY

You Think You Know...

Recently, I have read some of those "Things Guys Wish Girls Knew" lists on other blogs.

So, I figured I would write a "Things Girls Wish Guys Knew" list because the last time I checked, most guys are not omniscient. Not even close. Not even a little bit.

• You've got a big ego. We know. We heard the Beyonce song. But, humility goes a long way for all human beings.
• Mutual is our word of choice when it comes to intimate activities. It isn't all about you.
• Perhaps you can't take subtle or strong hints. OK, fair enough. But, listen!
• Nothing is our default response when you ask if something is wrong. Ask twice.
• Try harder. And, when you feel like you're trying hard, try even harder.
• Don't try to dance with us when Single Ladies comes on. Please.
• Good looks mean absolutely nothing if you don't have something intelligent to say.
• If we didn't wear high heels at least some of the time, you guys would cry like little babies so shut up and admit that you like a girl to sex it up every once in awhile. Yeesh.
• One text message goes a long way in our book.
• Can you cook? Because if you can, you are the equivalent of God. Enough said.
• We know you guys can hook up with pretty much anything that has mammary glands, but give us space on our ugly/fat/unattractive days and stop trying to get it in all of the time.
• PMS is a justifiable excuse for some things. It's like an out of body experience.
• We will spare you the details of Sex and the City if you spare us the details of the football game, unless of course we ask.
• We notice when you put effort into your wardrobe.
• Don't ask about our day if you really don't care.
• Chauvinism is fine...in moderation.
• If you dab on some cologne, oh you are definitely getting lucky tonight.
• We wince when we hear you guys use the B word.
• We really do care if your mom likes us.
• We hope your friends aren't complete idiots.
• We notice if you are a serial dater. Guys who can't stand to be single are just as bad as girls who can't stand it.
• Leave the effing every girl in the world up to Lil Wayne. We don't like diseases.
• Your best bet for a pick up line is "Hello. My name is________"
• We have bodily functions, too.
• Skinny jeans are cool. Anorexic jeans are not.
• "Shawty" is not a real word, let alone our name.
• If you tell us you will call back in 5 minutes, please don't call back 2 hours later. At that point, you are not doing us any favors. Unlike you, we do not have a warped sense of time.
• Trust us, you might want us to fake it. Cause, if we don't, your feelings will be hurt. And, well, sometimes you just aren't good. And, well, that's OK.
• If we ask if you need anything from the store, please do not give us your grocery list for the next two weeks.
• You guys are kind of known for cheating. So, do us a favor and just break up with us if you are going to cheat.
• Your ex-girlfriend sucks.
• And because she sucks, we do not want her to have any way to contact us. Because, if she's crazy, she will.
• You know, we really don't ask that much of you guys. Sometimes your heads are just too far up your arse to see that.
• But, we love you anyway.

Love freely,

tY

I Hate You So Much Right Now

I know, I know. Such a harsh title.

But, first and foremost, let me say Merry Christmas to all! It's been a wondrous day and I am proud to say Free Love is now on a business card, compliments of my sister who gave me cards as a Christmas present. Don't worry, I'm still definitely not official but hey, gotta fake it till you make it.

Now, as always, a blog post. Consider it my Christmas present to you.

Women are a handful at times. I can fairly say this because I am one. And, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, just sometimes, women love hating their friends' significant others.

A friend and I were discussing this last night because he rightfully said that while men tend to figure relationship issues out on their own, women have to run and vent to one another. Unfortunately, with that wonderful outlet comes the high possibility of degrading the guy you are talking about and skewing your friend's view of him.

Here's the problem. If you and your wonderful man friend get into an argument, once all is forgiven, you will probably move on and look forward to greener pastures. However, if in between fighting and forgiveness you vent to your friend, chances are your friend will internalize what happened and change her mind about the guy. In the end, her view will be one-sided, biased, and about 99% wrong. But, because it is her view, she will stick to it, believing you are messing up, making a mistake, and hanging out with the wrong guy.

Listen, don't get me wrong. When poisonous behavior is a chronic problem, your view should probably change. Some guys are just plain bad. However, most friends, couples, etc. argue. I like to think a little bit of disagreement is healthy in moderation. No, you shouldn't create screaming matches just for the sake of it, but it is OK to disagree and sometimes, it escalates to an argument. Just a test of your wits, passion, and forgiveness.

In the end, while it is nearly impossible for most women, I think we should try to give ourselves what I am going to call a 5 minute moment. After you have slammed the phone in your boyfriend's ear, wait. Five minutes. I know it is difficult. But wait five minutes before telling anyone anything. You would be surprised how much you can figure out in that five minutes and how much you can decide to leave out if and when you relay the story to your friend.

Give the poor shmuck some credit. He can't be all that bad. And, when he gives you a dozen roses on your birthday, you want your friends to be happy for you and not say, "But remember when he..." So, to my ladies, remember that there are two sides to every story. Your friend wrote one part, her man friend wrote another, and well, you're just the reader.

Merry Christmas to all.

Love freely,
tY

The eve of Christmas

I'm not inspired to write anything too witty tonight. I just hope you are with people you love. The holidays have this uncanny way of making people crave love, specifically a significant other, and I say ahh nonsense. Sure, curling up by the Christmas tree and exchanging presents is fabulous and fun. And, I think if you have a special person around this special time, you are blessed beyond what you could ever think. But, if you do not, I hope you have a family or friends or both who love you just the same. Because if you do, well kid, you're pretty blessed, too.

...and to all a goodnight.

Love freely,

tY

21.

I try to keep my blog open in hopes that anyone can find some solace in some of these words. But, I decided to be playful tonight and reveal a little bit about myself in a game of 21 questions about love. Let's do thisssss.

1)Single or Taken?--Single, as you can probably guess from some of my posts.
2) Are you happy with where you are?--I don't know any other way to live but to be happy.
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?--Yes, although I will not admit it to myself.
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?--Um, duh.
5) Would you ever take back a cheater?--Once a cheater, always a cheater. Read the post.
6) Have you talked about marriage with another person?--Not seriously.
7) How do you feel about FWB?--No comment. :))
8) Do you want children?--I suppose.
9) How many?--1? 2 max.
10) Would you consider adoption?--Yes, in fact I probably will.
11) If somebody liked you right now,what do you think is a cool way to let you know?--The only way to let me know is by being yourself.
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?--Playing is for small children. I am hard to get.
13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?--No, perhaps lust or like, but not love.
14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?--Yes, if both parties partake. I don't approve of only the girl getting showered with gifts.
15) Do you believe that you can change someone?--Influence, yes. Encourage, yes. Change, no.
16) Do you believe in soulmates?--Yes, it is the way of the world.
17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?--Ohh, you thought I would answer this.
18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?--Of course.
19) Have you ever broken a heart?--I doubt it.
20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?--Fighting is for boxers.
21) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?--You're pretty cool now. You always were. But I can def see that 4 years later.

Love freely,
tY

In need of good conversation

Sometimes, these posts have a common pattern. This post will not be any different.

I really miss curling up and having a great conversation with someone. Sometimes, I feel people these days lack substance. It's become as simple as "Oh, you look good, let's hook up," and people's intellectual capabilities are completely dismissed. But, I think there is something priceless about someone who has something to say. Someone who is talented and shares that. Someone who is trying to get into your mind and not into another place. Yeesh.

A friend and I once talked about "selling points:" things that make a woman more dateable. Intellect should be so high, if not first, on that list. And, it is no different for men.

Perhaps I am saying all of this because I have been home for only 2 days and I'm already craving a good book...I can only watch so much reality TV or reruns of The Nanny. I just think people should engage interests beyond material or surface things. Makes for a much more beautiful world.

Guess if I can't find the good conversation I'm craving, I'll just have to stock up at the library.

Love freely,
tY

The Sky is the Limit

Motivation is a sexy thing.

In light of the end of the semester, final exams, grades, and everything else that encompasses that, I figured it would be a good idea to write about this positive correlation (woo, there goes my research methods knowledge still filtering into my life) between how motivated a person is and their "hotness" factor.

OK, I'm sure social scientists have not proven my theory yet. Nonetheless, there is something undeniably sexy about a person who has motivation, goals, and a work ethic. Sure, not everyone looks for these attributes in a potential mate. But, perhaps these positive things say more about a people beyond their GPA. Maybe a hard work ethic or an unwillingness to give up show us that a person will put that same sort of effort into every aspect of a relationship. Again, social scientists haven't proven that. But, they're working on it. Trust me, folks.

In the end, the true lure of a goal-oriented potential mate is that the person has a life. At the end of the day, the person will have something to say, something to talk about, something to be passionate about other than you and your interests. And, everyone needs that. People who make their entire lives about their mate pose a serious danger to the relationship by investing their all in a person instead of depositing some of that love into themselves.

Of course the downside is that if you find someone who is too obsessed with their future goals, they could neglect the relationship altogether. Pick and choose wisely, I guess.

It is easy to settle for a pretty face or someone who simply offers a good time. And, while those things may be important, they are certainly not everything. If you're in it for the long haul, remember beauty is only skin deep. If your potential mate can't see the sky as the limit, perhaps it is time to get with it or get lost.

Love freely,
tY

Speak.

I know I harp on my generation a lot in this blog. Just a little disclaimer: Generation, I do love you. I'm a part of you, despite my old soul, so I have no choice but to love you.

But, I think my generation has lost the art of communication.

Last week, one of my professors stressed the importance of communication in her last lecture. It struck me because people in general, but particularly people my age, don't know what it means to communicate. It has become this buzzword just like diversity or recession. They are words that we throw around in everyday language while still struggling to understand the principles that exist at the core of the words.

In an effort to prolong my procrasination last night, I browsed through a few blogs and realized people air a lot of their dirty laundry on blogs. They "speak" to people who have hurt them, misused them, and toyed with their emotions, not only through words on a blog, but also through just pictures and videos.

Why don't we talk anymore?

The convenience of Facebook, email, Twitter, texting, and a gazillion other things that meant absolutely nothing 4 or 5 years ago (well...maybe more like 8 yrs ago if we're talking abt texting) have caused many of us to stop using our words. Sure, I'm a fan of using technology to vent. I mean, it's what I do everyday on this thing. But, when it comes to deeper emotional matters, maybe we should speak. Thanking someone for a night of great sex (example I am using here, just an example I stumbled upon last night) or "telling" them not to only think of us as a one night stand via a blog are not real forms of communication. Because, way back in a little class called COMM107, I learned that a message goes from the sender to the INTENDED receiver. If your message is for one person, send it that person.

As much as mediated communication has helped our lives in the past decade or so, it has also destroyed our ability to feel and then take the next step and properly communicate those feelings. Words blur everything that they do not make clear and adding the element of technology only smokes the surface more.

Use your words.

Love freely,
tY

Top 10

I have started to read some "Top Lists of the 2000s" and while I would typically reserve such a list for closer to the end of the year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon.

So,

Top 10 Things I Learned About Love in the 2000s:

10) Your friends will be there for you when he screws up...because he will screw up.
9) The first guy you like may not be the first guy you love. But, you will mistaken him as such.
8) Don't go on vacation with your ex less than a week after breaking up. You will pretend things are fine while really it will be one of the most awkward experiences of your life.
7) You have to let people love, heal, and learn in their own time. It is a sign of maturity to let go of your friends' decisions from a moral standpoint and still support them.
6) Kissing is awesomeeeee.
5) You will never get the time back that you wasted on guys (or even just people) who contributed nothing to your growth or well-being. Choose wisely.
4) Being single is OK. Being in a relationship is OK, too. Being happy is the most important thing.
3) You need guy friends who are strictly friends. They will give relationship advice to you straight, no chaser.
2) Your first love will shake you to your core. It will have no limits. And, that is what makes it amazing.
1) If you don't love yourself, truly embrace who you are during the good times and the not-so-good times, constantly make an effort to accomplish things, grow, and change, none of the 9 things listed above will ever matter.

And, here are some extras that didn't make the cut:
*Sometimes, your dad can give really crazy good relationship advice.
* Family is the most unparalled source of love you can receive sometimes.
*When he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, he DOESN'T want a girlfriend.
*Some relationships in your life will never have an official title. They will defy the boundaries of what it means to be a friend or a girlfriend. But, they will still be valuable relationships.
* When you say "I'm over it," those three words could not be the furthest thing from the truth. If you have to say it to mean it, you don't mean it at all.
*Good things come to those who wait.
* Having a set of values, especially when it comes to this crazy world of relationships, can really help you stand your ground.
* He's out there. Just you wait.

Love freely,
tY

Change of Pace

Sometimes, you just need something a little bit different. Sometimes, you have been in the same place for so long that you need to leave, explore, and break free. Maybe you will return to that same something in the end. Maybe you will find something new and never look back. No matter what, sometimes you just need a change of pace.

Love freely,
tY

Junk Food

First off, if you are a University of Maryland student and you finished classes for the Fall 2009 semester, I need to give you props. Well, if you are just a student in general, props to you too. There is something oddly fulfilling about finishing classes for the semester--odd in the regard that we are celebrating while finals are dangling over our heads like a 100 pound brick but hey, we finished the potentially hardest part. Papers and final projects kept me away from my baby (this blog) this week and it feels good to return (if only for a day or two until I buckle down and begin studying.)

On to today's topic.

Most guys I meet hates Cosmopolitan.

Most girls I meet love Cosmopolitan.

These two facts would not matter if it were not for the fact that Cosmopolitan is a magazine for women about men.

Sometimes, Cosmo is a guilty pleasure for my friends and I as we indulge in other people's misfortunes of hookups gone wrong and terrible kissers.

Other times, Cosmo is some sort of unofficial girl bible for us as we nod furiously while reading about "The 10 Signs That He's Just not That Into You" or "Things That Will Ruin a Relationship."

But, how seriously should we take Cosmo...really?

If you have ever used some of the magazine's advice in a real life situation, you can easily find that the advice is not 100% destined to work. In fact, it is (well, in my case) about 90% destined to fail you. I personally believe this percentage is because Cosmo puts all of the emphasis on the power a female has in situations (namely sexual situations, but hey relationships work, too) and forgets that men have egos, and...wait for it...feelings. Cosmo is like the girl who has her entire wedding planned, from the floral arrangements to the material of her dress without taking into account that she is missing the husband. And, I mean, you never know, your husband might want purple flowers, not pink.

And, hey, Cosmo, if a man isn't doing something right, he PROBABLY does not want his girl to tell him right then and there. I'm just saying. Not like I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.

Also, I could jump on my feminist soap box for a minute and argue that women are more than just sex and Cosmo defeats its exact purpose of trying to empower women because it only writes about sex, pleasure, and lust in about 99.95% of its articles but hey, that is just the hypocritical feminist in me who still picks the glossy pages up while in line at Target speaking.

I've ranted a bit in this post so allow me to clean everything up. The point is, like most things in life (such as this blog), if you are a woman who reads the magazine, take everything Cosmo says with a grain of salt and do not try to actually implement the magazine's advice (OK that only speaks for Cosmo...my blog advice might actually work) because you could end up with a disastrous, unfortunate, or just plain awkward situation on your hands.

Now, drink to that.

Love freely,

tY

Case of the Ex

Who you have been with says a lot about who you were, who you are and who you no longer want to be.

Exes always present an interesting situation. Let's not call them skeletons. Let's call them clothes in the closet that are always there, no matter how much we push them to the back and forget about them. As the months and years wear on, we put on new clothes, outgrow other garments, and just decide that we don't look good in some things anymore. Sometimes we buy shirts and only wear them once and sometimes we can't quit wearing our favorite jeans, despite their holes and imperfections.

People acquire a colorful and unique history because of their past significant others. Perhaps not everyone has a string of long term relationships, but most people at least have a string of previous emotional investments, hookups, breakdowns, friends with benefits, etc. If not, live a little longer. It is inevitable.

When is it OK to revisit the past and throw on something you haven't worn in awhile?

Some people are fortunate enough not to end things on a bad note. Others are not as lucky. It really just varies based on the situation. Nevertheless, our pasts exist and there are times when it is perfectly OK to confront them from a more mature and objective standpoint. We can become so easily inundated by emotions in a relationship that we forget we are dating a person, a human being with feelings and flaws. Maybe it's OK to return later and be able to see people for who they are and not who we wanted them to be or who we made them out to be.

Of course, there are times when it's not worth putting on the old clothes. Some things are plain outdated and ugly.

Be wise about your decision and stay stylish. Some vintage garments are timeless; others should be taken to the thrift store for someone else to pick up.

Love freely,
tY

Still Got It

So, I was inspired to write this posts a few days ago but apparently I am a student and this is the worst time of year to do anything that doesn't involve studying, writing papers, or complaining about grades.

But, I digress.

While I was in the library a few nights ago, I heard two guys talking, one of whom mentioned he had a girlfriend. This same guy later mentioned getting another girl's number and wanting to talk to her.

"What about your girlfriend?" his friend asked, mirroring my exact thoughts.

"Sometimes, you just gotta know you still have it," he replied.

How necessary is the desire to still feel wanted and attracted by people other than your significant other?

Relationships are...well, I could end this sentence a million different ways, in fact I probably have during the course of this blog. But, today, I'm going to say relationships are beautiful. It is so reassuring to have someone think you're one of the most amazing people on the planet, tell you how gorgeous you are, and show it to you on the regular (you know what I'm saying.) But, that is also the kind of appreciation that becomes routine. Sometimes, it is reaffirming to know that a stranger thinks you are smoking hot. Because, well, we all need that.

But, how far should people go to get this sort of reaffirmation? Too often, people seek that reassurance from strangers and end up getting their hand too close to the fire. In other words, they either emotionally or physically cheat. It sums up the idea that sometimes you just don't know what you've got till it's gone. A flirty text, a hot hookup, or a second glance from a complete stranger are usually not equal to the love, appreciation, and admiration of a significant other.

So, if you're eye begins wandering hoping that a stranger's eye is looking back, maybe you should think twice and just ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to give it to you extra good that night. I mean love, of course.

Love freely,
tY

Love according to Toni Morrison

Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God.


--TONI MORRISON, Paradise

Love freely,
tY

Admissions counselor

The first step to recovery is admission, no?

I haven't spent much time in rehab (and by much time, I mean any), but I think that's right.

I would also argue that the first step to love (or something like it) is admission.

Talking to my friends and people my age about relationships and hookups, I've learned that people in my generation have a hard time admitting their feelings. We hail from a generation that prides itself on instaneous everything: hookups, communication, etc. We are so busy and we are moving so quickly that stopping to admit we actually care about another human being is often times frowned upon and overrated.

Also, many times people chalk their lack of feelings up to past hurt. It feels as though everyone is bitter and has been scorned and scarred by ex-lovers. Meanwhile, we're all between 18-22 years old and don't realize that life is going to throw much more our way.

And, sure, I agree that sometimes admitting feelings to another person is the verbal equivalent of shooting oneself in the foot. Without the proper motives, telling your best friend who you used to play in the sandbox with that you are madly in love with him could completely demolish a perfect friendship. But, what about just admitting feelings to yourself?

Usually, when we think we're fooling everyone else around us into believing that we could care less about someone, we are only fooling ourselves. The moment you admit to yourself that you actually do care about that guy or you do still have feelings for your ex, you will feel so much better and so much more liberated. You aren't any less strong or any less of a person for shedding that icy exterior and admitting that you have a heart.

Feelings don't always have to result in an outcome such as a relationship or reciprocation. Perhaps that is where we make the biggest mistake--thinking that just because we love someone, we need to date them or they must feel the exact same way. Sure, when that happens, it is beautiful.

But, sometimes, you just have to feel and be OK with that.


Love freely,
tY

Live in the moment

Today, while reuniting with an old friend, I received some timeless advice: "live in the moment."

While the context of his advice did not necessarily have anything to do with love, I figured I'd spin it for my blog.

If you're anything like me, you worry about the future. I think it's only somewhat human and acceptable to worry and think about your life after today. Honestly, people who do not and are only concerned with the exact moment are usually one, if not two, steps behind everyone else. And, they will spend the rest of their lives there if they don't wisen up.

However, sometimes, especially when it concerns matters of the heart, it's perfectly OK to live in the moment. Too often, we are worried about "when are we going to take it to the next level?" or "omg he's going to break up with me soon" or "oh no, we're moving away in a year and we won't be together." These preoccupations with the future can tarnish the one thing that is real and beautiful and that is the present. Worrying about what could be or would be or might be or will be steals the moments we have now.

Living in the moment is not synonymous with being a Jezebel and making out with every guy you see. No, no, there's a difference between living in the moment and lusting in the moment. Have some discretion with the latter. Just a disclaimer.

So, take a minute and appreciate what you have now, whether that's a boyfriend, a good friend, a friend with benefits...whatever. Sometimes when it comes to love, lust, and like, it's perfectly fine to realize that tomorrow is not promised.

Love freely,
tY

Getting over the hump

When couples get tired/annoyed with one another, they have options. Break up, give each other some space, etc.

But, what about when single people get tired of being single?

There aren't really kiosks with rent-a-signficant others.

I would like to believe that being single is just as much a choice as being in a relationship. But, really breaking it down, deciding to be in a relationship is much more of a choice than being single. Sometimes, being single is the default. And, while it can be a great default, it's still a default.

If you want to meet the queen of singledom, meet the face behind this blog. It's been quite a few years and despite the complicated hookups/friendships along the way, I haven't been serious about being serious in a long time. Sometimes I've been bitter, sometimes I've been broken, sometimes I've had 143 other things going on in my life and literally did not have time for another person, sometimes I just haven't cared, and sometimes I've been afraid to admit I care. Either way, if you want intro to the single life 101, I'm your professor.

Nonetheless, shopping for cute skivvies today during Black Friday (because that's about all I could afford), I realized I missed having someone to show those cute skivvies to. There are days when I'm glad no one is hounding me, annoying me, knowing my moves and when I make them, and there are days when I miss sharing my life with someone else.

(^Take those two paragraphs and cherish them, folks. Because that's about as personal as it gets on free love.)

Nonetheless, I'm not saying any of this to wah wah complain about my life. My life's fine. I just don't think these sentiments are uncommon for anyone who is single. Let me let you in on a little secret: People who worship the single life are unhappy. People who worship their relationships probably have problems. Everyone who is human has those "the grass is greener on the other side" moments. People who denounce relationships are typically bitter and/or insecure and it took me about four years to figure that out. Sure, sometimes you need to be single to focus on other important things. And, well, sometimes you're just the bitter b word.

So, what's the solution to getting over the hump? Oh, I hate this solution because it's very reactive but it's all just a matter of time. The right thing, the good thing, the best thing is worth waiting for. Don't settle for a fraud. Don't settle for second best. Just wait. And, in the meantime, rock out to your favorite song in the mirror in your new lace skivvies.

Love freely,

tY

Happy Thanksgiving

If you've got a little love in your life, you've got a reason to be thankful. Be thankful for all of the relationships you have--as crazy and dysfunctional as they may be. The unique insanity in every relationship, whether it's the one with your boy or your mom, is what makes love imperfectly beautiful.

Happy Thanksgiving, boys and girls.

Love freely,
tY

If you have something to say...

You know what annoys me more than girls who hold full conversations in the bathroom? More than guys with no life goals or motivation who try to "holla?" More than...well you get the picture.

Anyway, the thing that annoys me more than the aforementioned entities is people who use the virtual world to convey their emotions...specifically, their more vengeful emotions.

How many Facebook statuses have we read saying, "I'm done with you and you know who you are," or "I screwed up and I can only hope he forgives me?" Our 21st century tech savvy generation uses technology as a messenger. Unfortunately, the virtual world isn't always the place to air our dirty laundry.

Ever heard the expression, "If you have something to say, say it to my face?" Well, kids, take that and eat it up because that's exactly how you should handle your problems. If it's personal, why make it public by airing it for the world to see in hopes of that certain someone reading it and taking it to heart?

Perhaps this post is slightly hypocritical. Perhaps in the 10 or so months that I've been writing, I've alluded to my personal life on more than one occassion. But, the person and/or persons who could be involved don't read this blog and I like to keep it that way. After all, there wouldn't be a free love if I didn't bring some personal experience to the table. I like to think this blog is about 10% personal experience and 90% what I pick up and observe from other people.

Nonetheless, if you truly feel something and truly have something to say, the person's face is the best outlet for that--not the flashing cursor on your computer screen. And, if you just need to get something off of your chest, might I suggest a wonderful thing called a journal. If you sneak a peak under my bed, there's an old journal filled with scattered loose leaf paper, a newer journal that's getting me through college, and an inspiration book filled with random things that keep me inspired. I'm a profilic member of the journal writing industry.

Think before you speak and if you have to think before you type, well, you may not be thinking at all.

Love freely,

tY

Today's thoughts

Sometimes it's OK to care about someone. Admit it, embrace it, and enjoy it.

Love freely,
tY

Home for the Holidays

This Thursday marks the beginning of my favorite time of year. I know, I know...with all the hype I put around by birthday, you would think October is my favorite time of year. Well, October comes in second.

But beginning Thursday, it's as though the entire world celebrates from Thanksgiving until New Year's. Cheers to a world party.

Couples (especially married ones but for the purposes of my audience, we'll just say couples) face the inevitable question of whose house are we going to this year?

My oldest sister, who has children and a boyfriend aka a real little family of her own, had to deal with this last year. It was my niece's first Christmas and we wanted to hang out with the little munchkin just as much as her daddy's side of the family. Her solution? Christmas eve and morning with us, drive to New York Christmas Day and spend Christmas evening with the dad's half. Everyone wins.

While most people associate the holidays with family (which are, indeed, a huge part of the holidays), in the grand scheme of things, the holidays are also just about love. I don't see anything wrong with spending a holiday or two with the one you love and maybe their insane, we-hold-these-crazy-traditions-every-year family. If that's the case, make sure you call up your fam and let them know you love them just the same.

Here's to kicking off the time of year marked with crazy shoppers, scrumptious meals, family, and love.

Love freely,
tY

Let's give it up for love

Some days, Free Love is a pretty ironic name for my blog. Some days, I lament about couples blocking my pathway as they hold hands and get all goo goo ga ga eyed over each other. Some days, I mock girls who turn into total mush when their crush comes around. Some days, I am just not having it with love.

And, while I can't guarantee any less sarcasm in the coming posts, today I figured I'd switch it up and just give a shot out to love.

Last night, a good friend of mine and I were talking about priorities in life, having a relationship, etc. I kind of feel like one of those women who spends years gaining a reputation at her job and making six figures and then turns to her husband of a decade one day and goes "Yea, maybe I do want kids." (Except, of course, I don't want children and I don't have a husband...I just mean I'm back in relationship mode.) I preach independence and self-sufficiency and those are things I will value forever, hands down. But, it also dawned on me that there wouldn't be billions of people in the world if God (or the gods or non-god...whatever you believe or don't believe) wanted us to live life by ourselves.

In the end, it's OK to have a crush. It's OK to fall in love. It's OK to not know what the hell you want and maybe mess up a time or two. It's OK to let other people catch you when you fall. It's OK to know you can't do it all, sometimes.

It's OK to let love in your life and never look back.

I can't promise you the next post will be this sugary, but I can promise you that despite my rock hard emotional exterior, I believe in a little thing called love.

Love freely,
tY

That girl

This weekend, I met Superwoman. She cooked and she cleaned. Her smile was awesome. She rubbed her boyfriend's shoulders. She went to a great school. And, around 3am and much to my misfortune, I found out she did some other things well, too.

If my nether regions looked a little bit different, I would probably want to marry her.

Then, I thought, "Wow, Tyece. You are not that girl."

The same way women envision a prince charming who asks them how their day was, rubs their feet after a long day, and surprises them with flowers randomly, men envision their perfect woman (see above description.) The "perfect" woman is domestic, daring, and delightful. She's a chef, a dominatrix, and a perfect student (and one day, a perfect mom.)

Well, I failed on that end. Because, I can write witty blog posts but I can't cook a meal without poisoning someone.

Luckily, I had a friend of mine there to talk me down and knock some sense into me which was this: not every girl is that girl. And even the stereotypical "that girl" will have her own issues to deal with. Everyone has things that make them unique. It's not a matter of embodying particular characteristics; it's a matter of remaining true to oneself and one day, you won't be a good fit for someone else. You'll be more than enough.

Nonetheless, I've decided I'm going to learn how to cook. I mean, I will be moving into an apartment soon.

And, if I fail on that end, I hope my future husband likes McDonald's.

Love freely,
tY

Money, money, money.

Who pays on dates nowadays? That's what I really want to know.

Money is a point of contention for many couples: married, dating, shacking up, whatever. Some couples have too much money and not enough time for each other; other couples are pinching pennies. Sometimes, one partner is picking up the financial slack of the other person. Who is going to pay for dinner this time? How much was the Christmas gift he got for you?

Just as money makes the world go round, it's a pretty big deal in relationships, too. Often times, men willingly pay and women willingly put out. Even exchange? Questionable. (aka NO.)

The couples who have mastered the art of the dollar are the ones who understand the concept of 50/50. You pay this time, I catch the bill next time.

Let's put it in different terms. Relationships are unhealthy when one person devotes more time than the other person. Those types of relationships do not work because one person is making more of an investment. So, why isn't it the same way with money? Why is it fair for one person to expel all of their cash while the other person sits back and relies on their hot figure to pull them through?

Oh, and let me make a note to those long-distance relationships. Those are even MORE of a monetary investment because you're spending money on travel...expensive, kids. Expensive.

Sometimes, women don't realize the assumptions they make when it comes to money. At the end of the day, everyone works hard for those dollar bills and whether someone has 100K or 2 pennies, it still feels the same when they reach into their pocket and give it up.

Love freely,

tY

Feminine charm bracelet

I once heard the expression, "Some women climb the corporate ladder on their backs."

Ouch.

How did I say it a few posts ago? "Bring your A Game, Don't wear your V neck."

I have/am collecting books about women in business. It's a topic that intrigues me because well, I'm a woman and I plan on working in some sort of business. Useful knowledge, no?

So, today when a friend and I were talking about using feminine charm at work, I thought about it just a little bit more.

When is it OK to use your feminine assets to get what you want?

Women use their pretty smiling faces and their curvy size 4 (is that an oxymoron?) bodies to get what they want often. They use these things in relationships, encounters with male peers in group projects and in the office, among other places. They use these attributes knowingly and unknowingly, innocently and maliciously. It's perfectly OK for a woman to lean over and show that little line between her mammary glands in hopes of getting something, whether it's a late night rendezvous or 50 more cents an hour.

I'm not condoning this behavior, but let's be real. Sometimes, it's just business. And, sometimes you have to use what you have to get what you want. I'm just saying.

Unfortunately, there are women who take such behavior to extremes and do mindless things such as sleep with bosses. Yeah. I don't really consider them women at all, at least not ones I would ever befriend, speak to, or look at and because I don't write about dirt on this blog and instead I write about people, let's keep it moving.

Your personality and your brains should be the most important and valuable things you bring to any situation, especially a work environment. But, a little sex appeal goes a long way, especially in a more casual situation, say, a date? Don't rely on it but don't overlook it. All things in moderation, ladies. All things in moderation.

The NAACP says Knowledge is power. Maybe, sometimes, cleavage is power, too.

Love freely,

tY

Seasons of Love

Apparently, there's this thing called "bunning season."

I've heard girls refer to it as "'wifey season."

The leaves change colors, the air gets a little bit cooler, and ladies and gentlemen, it is time for you to get a significant other.

Hmm. Interesting phenonmenon.

I try to be subtle in my posts. I try not to firmly take sides while still making a point.

But, let me be frank. People who deem certain seasons as worthy of relationships or worthy of being single (ie summer) are shallow at best and idiotic at worst.

Sure, I get it. It's November. So, you have, ehh, three months to find someone and make sure that by Valentine's Day you get a good present. On Christmas you'll get a card and MAYBE something small that says, "We're cool but not that serious yet."

I had never heard of this bogus phenomenon until maybe a week or so ago and I was pretty stunned.

If you want to make those cold autumn and winter nights a little warmer, you don't need to search for a cuddle buddy. Just get a snuggie. There's no right "season" for being in a relationship or being single. It's all a matter of when fate/God/whatever else you believe drops that person into your life who will ADD to your existence.

By designating a specific time of the year for a person, you are just saying "You're temporary and as soon as the weather breaks 60 degrees, this relationship is over."

Want to stay warm? Bundle up, don't bun up.

Love freely,
tY

Common bond

In college, I became an avid basketball fan.

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending a Knicks/Cavs game with my dad (a total blowout but a fun time nonetheless) and I also had the misfortune of sitting around couples with girlfriends who had no clue what was going on.

They sat there, one girl bundled up with her guy and the other girl yapping away during a very important part of the game: the beginning.

Where do we draw the line in taking our significant others to events that do not interest them?

It can be difficult for couples to find common interests. Also, I do believe in sacrificing and going to do something that the other person likes every once in awhile, just to see what it is they are passionate about. But, really? Talking during a basketball game? Unless you are screaming at the players to get their heads on straight, that's a bit sacrilegious, don't you think?

It's the same as the girl who drags her guy to the mall and you sit there and look at the poor schmuck standing in the corner while his girl grabs about 10 garments that he is going to end up paying for.

All in all, bonding time is best when there's a shared interest and investment. If you choose to reserve certain activities for just you and the boys or just you and the girls, that's understandable and respectable. It is also a sign of maturity and independence in a relationship.

Needless to say and much to my satisfaction, yapping girl and guy left during the first quarter last night. Wow, he just spent about 200 bucks for a lay. What a schmuck.

Love freely,
tY

Powerhouse

I read this on a blog today:

"I’ve yet to be on a campus where most women weren’t worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I’ve yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing."

I'm not going to even try to delve into the career/household issues facing women because this isn't women's studies 419.

But, I do think it's god awful that women have to constantly battle work, children, and matrimony. It's not enough to be a powerhouse in the workplace. It's not enough to raise your kids. It's not enough to be a good wife with an oversexed hubbie.

No, no, no.

Right after you pop out the baby, go hand your boss that report and then go home and cook for your dinner. Then, do a little dance called the horizontal tango with him.

I think all men have to do is work and think about food.

And, it's not enough to say "Oh, I'm going to stay home and raise my kids and not work" or "Oh, I'm going to put off kids and marriage for awhile and focus on work." Nope. You better be doing everything or your addition to society is minimal.

Man, I don't care how you slice it. Women could take over the world. Do what you do and do it well, ladies.

And, to refer back to the quote I began with: If you're in college, no need to worry about marriage. You better worry about getting a job in this economy.

Love freely,
tY

Don't take a vacation, just move.

Am I the only one who is confused/irritated/all of the above when I hear a couple say, "We're on a break?"

I'm going to put all of this "on a break" nonsense to rest tonight.

Couples are these inseparable units tied by emotions, mental connections, intertwined hands, and hot and brain-washing sex. Yep, I said sex.

But, as a good ol' psych major friend told me last semester, relationships have phases, one of which is disillusion (or something like that.)

So, unfortunately, at some point in a relationship, one person may become disillusioned and decide it's time to keep it moving.

However, if said disillusioned person has a heart, they recognize the connection they've formed with the other person and they don't want to lay a pile of maneur on the love fantasies and wishes of the other person.

So, they go on a "break."

Or, people go on a break because it's a bad time, or they need space, or [insert other empty excuse here.]

Ok, so to recap: many couples go on breaks. But, I never hear of couples returning from breaks.

Oh, oh, oh. That's because break is a euphemism for break-up. Ok, I get it.

If you've never heard the expression (and have thus been living under a rock), breaking up is hard to do. Admitting that a tie is severed or we don't feel the same way we once did or our stretch with that person has reached its end can easily mean admitting failure or defeat for many people. So, going on a "break" softens the blow. At least for the moment.

However, unless you truly have the intention of taking a hiatus and returning to re-evaluate, I don't suggest "breaks." They only prolong an already painful process, adding even more of a mess and giving false hope to the other person.

Of course, there's something to be said for the type of love that withstands time, struggle, and heartache. There are lovers who return to one another and end up spending their lives together.

So, know where you stand on that spectrum. If it isn't that type of love (ie um this isn't your future spouse), give me a break and just break up. For your sanity.

And for mine.

Love freely,
tY

Taunt.

I spent a fabulous Halloween weekend not only getting extremely frightened at a haunted house, but attending parties and seeing women in garments that should probably only be reserved for the bedroom.

All this clothing, or lack of clothing I guess, got me to thinking about women and how we master the art of the tease.

From flirting shamelessly to wearing barely there clothing to making empty promises, women are geniuses when it comes to teasing men.

While driving home from a Halloween party last night, I listened to a friend rave about how provocatively this girl danced with him (or on him, maybe?) He lamented that he should have gotten her number and I thought, "Man, that's just the art of a good dance. Get em where you want em and keep it moving."

Why are women such teasing connoisseurs?

I don't think there's any answer to such a question. Obviously, I'm familiar with the art, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post. I think human beings just like power and teasing is a way for women to obtain that power without negative consequences.

Just like pretty much anything in life, there's a time and a place for teasing. Leave it out of certain arenas such as the workplace. There, you should be bringing your A game, not your V neck. But, at a club or a party, it's pretty harmless. Just be careful whom you do it with.

Sure, libidinous men get angry/annoyed when women tease but hey, better to be a tease than to be the girl who actually follows through with those empty promises. Because, then there's another word for you. And, that word would probably be jezebel.

Love freely,

tY

To slut or not to slut?

A conversation I overheard today:

"When did Halloween get so slutty?"

"In college."

October 31 (and 30...and 29...) is Halloween. People wait an entire year to dress up, get scared, and let their inner freak shine. If you're in college and your genitalia matches that of a female, Halloween only means one thing. It's time to get loose.

My freshmen year of college was the first time I slutted up my costume. I was a bunny. [insert visual here.]

Last year, I went to even greater slutty extremes and decided on the day of Halloween to be a school girl. [insert even more vivid visual here.]

This year, I'm paying homage to the King of Pop with my costume, so as you can imagine, you [don't have to insert a visual here.]

Why is it that Halloween has become synonymous with women letting every part of their bodies show?

Ohhh, I know what you're thinking. You read my last bra burning post and you think I'm about to persecute these slutty, slutty gals.

False, my love. False.

If you failed to read the two sentences describing my past Halloween costumes, I've enjoyed letting more than a few inches of skin show on the scariest day of the year. Halloween is a time to be what you can't be on a normal day. And, because I don't condone any female being a slut on a normal day, hey, why not do it on a not so normal day?

To me personally, the best costumes aren't the ones where I look at a girl and feel like I'm watching an xxx movie. No, the best costumes are the creative ones. Just today, I heard someone was going to be Twitter and have a huge sign and a bunch of statuses written on post-its stuck to them. And, she was a girl. Man, she's awesome in my book.

I might even give MJ a little bit of a sexy edge this year, just not nearly as sexpot-esque as I've done in previous years. Just be warned that if your gluteus maximus and mammary glands are out for everyone to see, men (and perhaps even women) will comment, grab, and grope. And, I mean, stand up for your womanly rights all you want, but you put it out there so deal with it.

If you're feeling ambitious, be creative with your costume. When in doubt, just slut it up.

Happy Halloween, folks.

Love freely,

tY

Dead or alive?

Burn your bras, ladies. Chivalry is dead.

Ok, I just needed a way to grab your attention so that was my opening line.

Today, in my Spanish class we discussed differences between men and women. This is a topic I can easily speak about in English but in Spanish...ehh, different story. Nonetheless, it got me to thinking: is chivalry dead?

Dictionary.com defines chivalry as: the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

Usually, when I think of chivalry, I think of the guy who opens doors, helps the girl put on her coat, pulls the chair out at the table, etc. Maybe it even extends to the guy who buys flowers, rubs a woman's feet after a long day, etc.

Let me admit. I'm a bra burner myself which is a ridiculous way of saying I'm a feminist. Oh man, people always get so touchy about that word when really all it means is that I believe women should have equal rights as men. Chill. Relax. Keep reading.

Having stated my radical views, sometimes chivalry enfeebles me. I mean, I've been putting my coat on by myself for years (with the exception of the years my mom put it on me), so why do I need help now? Chivalry catches my attention on maybe a first or second date, but what about months, years, and even decades into a relationship?

The problem is sometimes when chivalry dies, we feel like the relationship is dying. If we become accustomed to our beau holding the door and suddenly one day he looks at us and waits for us to open it, we immediately sense a problem.

Today at the movie theatre I saw a woman wait for the guy to open the door for her. This is pure idiocy to me. If you get there before him, open it, woman. Haven't you learned how to be efficient?

In the end, despite my views about putting on my own coat, I would hope chivalry is not dead. In the same regard, I would hope kindness is not dead and I would hope women are willing to open doors just as much as men. I would hope that if your guy opens the car door for you, you return the favor and reach over and grab his door before he gets in. I hope men rub their lady's back after a long day and women rub their guy's back after he endured a never ending shift. I would hope respect, generosity, and mutual affection exist in all relationships.

If you expect your boy to always be the generous one, well, good luck to you. In the mean time, I'll keep burning my bra.

Love freely,

tY

In a galaxy far, far away...

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.


Or does it?


I've never been in a long distance relationship, but that isn't saying much because I haven't been in that many relationships.

So, let's create a scenario. Your boyfriend is a year older than you and is getting ready to graduate. He's flying across the country to pursue his acting dreams and you're staying at blank university, on the other side of the country. Throw it long distance or call it quits?

Of course, there are a number of extenuating circumstances that I don't have time to list on this post that would affect such a decision. I mean, are you guys really in love or is it just one of those relationships that has just been "fun?" Are you both independent enough to survive the day without calling someone else baby an infinite number of times? These are things to consider, people.


I've always had a juxtaposed respect and disapproval if you will for people in long distance relationships. I know, how can you respect something and disapprove at the same time? I respect the bravery and faith people in long distance relationships have. I think, when done correctly, long distance relationships require a tremendous amount of patience and understanding that people in "normal" relationships do not necessarily have to have.


However, there are times when I don't know how possible long distance relationships are. (Notice I said "how possible," I didn't say the were impossible.) When you don't see someone you care about for a long time, usually the time you spend with them is carefree and happy because you value that time and you recognize how precious it is. But, if the only time spent with someone whom you are dating is always happy and carefree, is that a pseudo relationship? Great relationships have great debates. You don't truly know someone until you push their buttons which is an entirely different post but hey, it works here. How possible is it to cover all the facets of love, emotion, etc. in such short spurts of time?



I think the answer here is that there is no answer. Some people are built for it, most people are not. If you happen to be one of the few made for love that goes the distance, I salute you on such bravery, independence, and faith. And, well, for you normal relationship people, I hope you're still brave, independent, and faithful, too.




And, if this post made you feel uneasy, just watch Giuliana and Bill. I mean, they made a marriage go the distance. Yikes.




And, if you're single, well up and move to California. It's totally cool.




Love freely,
tY

REM

I'm not the biggest fan of sleepovers.

No, I don't mean the fun sleepovers you had when you were 8 (or in my case even 18) where you and your friends stayed up all night talking about boys and prank calling them.

Man, I love those sleepovers.

I mean sleepovers with that member of the opposite sex whom you happen to be canoodling/horizontal tango-ing/whatever-ing with at the moment.

Perhaps this theory only exists in the small confines of my mind, but I believe literally sleeping next to someone (given you are romantically interested or involved) increases an emotional attachment. I think the emotional attachment increases even more if the two people touch while sleeping.

So, here are rules to the sleepover, free love style:

1) Your place or his? If it's your place, and he asks to stay, I don't see why not. Or, maybe he'll just fall asleep because that's what men do after...you know, they reach that happy place. But, if you really don't want him to stay, kick him out (nicely, of course.) It's your bed. If it's his place and he doesn't mention you staying, find your stray clothes and dip. Don't overstay your welcome. Not cute.

2) I don't care if you're dating seriously or just in it for fun. Reserve habitual sleepovers for married life.

3) The next morning: I suggest exiting earlier rather than later. I mean, the night's over and you certainly don't look as dazzling as you did mere hours before.

4) Definitely reserve packing overnight bags only for stays with a serious significant other. You will terrify a hookup if you commit such an offense.

5) Remember, sometimes the best cuddle buddy is that stuffed animal you got back in third grade.

There are many things I do not share with other people. My sleep is one of them.

Love freely,

tY

Neosporin

I was going to begin this post with a quote about fate. Then, I realized I didn't agree with the first ten I read so I said, forget the quotes, let me just start.

I didn't agree with the quotes for the purposes of this post because they all downed fate, saying people can't allow fate to control them, people make their own decisions, etc etc. And, I mean maybe I agree with that when it comes to others matters of life, but this is free LOVE. Not free LIFE.

When it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes (well, most times), fate helps us. The forces beyond our control and maybe even the forces within our control at times, make way for a better result in the long run. Breakups, goodbyes, heartache, and hurt don't ever feel good when they happen. They sting, they bite, they burn. We cry, we scream, we sulk. No matter what the case, sooner or later, we all have that retrospect moment when we realize whatever happened for whatever reason was meant to happen and we're better, stronger, wiser, because of it.

Some people refer to this idea as time heals all wounds. But, sometimes I don't think time heals all wounds. I think we heal our own wounds and time is just the neosporin.

Love freely,
tY

Sweet Beats

"Never met a sunshine like this, never seen the moon glow like this, never seen the waterfalls like this, never seen the lights off like this, never dug anyone like this..."

"I can't let my life pass me by, I can get down and try, work it all out this lifetime, lifetime"

"If I can't have you let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around"

"Fortunate to have you, girl, I'm so glad you're in my world, just as sure as the sky is blue, I bless the day that I found you"

"Shouldn't I realize, you're the highest of the high, and if you don't know then I'll say it so don't ever wonder, don't ever wonder..."

Ladies and gentlemen, the man is Maxwell and the music is phenomenal.

This man serenaded me and hundreds of other women last night at a show and of course I'm not just going to throw his lyrics up on my blog without giving the broader free love context.

Evident from the above lyrics, this man's music is the epitome of romance. I'm sure many children were conceived to his tunes. Artists like him, John Legend, John Mayer, Robin Thicke, and countless others, bring music back to its romantic roots and remind us that there was a day and still is a day where male musical artists honor women and romance simultaneously in their melodies. Not only is it good to know that some men are still looking for ladies and not...well, other terms that rappers use that I refuse to put on my lovely blog, but it's also nice to know romance still exists, even if it's in the smallest melodious musical cracks.

Sometimes, I think my generation has given up on romance, myself included. But, don't forget, it doesn't hurt to throw on a contagious sweet beat and rock along with the one you love.

Love freely,

tY

The best accessory

I went to my first "slumber" party tonight. While I won't divulge many details, I will say that I will certainly be attending more.

So, as I'm sitting there rubbing sugary scented edible lotions on my arms with girls I barely knew an hour before and marveling over adorable lingerie, it got me thinking about single women. (sorry if there's a theme this week, no reason.) Well, no, it just got me to thinking about women and how we value ourselves.

It struck me when the party's main lady (um I don't know what her title is) talked about wearing lingerie even if it's just while you're cleaning the house or wearing sexy lingerie under your clothes in the office to boost your confidence. I always thought lingerie was pointless until she said this.

No, no, this entire post isn't about lace and transparent garments. Keep reading.

As the night continued, it felt good to just have fun and acknowledge your sexuality. I think too many times, women downplay their sexuality and attractiveness both when they are single and when they become too comfortable in relationships. It's OK to slip on some cute skivvies every now and again at night, even if you're the only one in your bed. And, it's OK to surprise your significant other with some fun "toy" that you ordered from a catalog and spent way too much money on. The entire night reminded me that confidence is the sexiest accessory any woman can put on: timeless, fabulous, and classic.

Today was just one of those days when I didn't feel attractive, especially in my leggings and star patterned kicks. Going to this party just gave me that little boost. Whatever it is, a "slumber" party or a night out with your friends, do something for you that makes you feel amazing without any man having to tell you that you are. You don't need it. Just like the lingerie will eventually fall to the floor, so will his compliment if you don't have the confidence to back it up.

Love freely,

tY

Master the Art

I've read on a few blogs lately about this whole "single" idea and phenomena.

So, I'm going to write about it Free Love style.

There are numerous books, movies, songs, etc. about being single. Beyonce made it a hit and former ABC bachelorette Jen something wrote a book called "Better Single Than Sorry" (a good read, I must say.) See, we think society has an obsession with love and relationships (because it does...I mean, you ARE reading this blog), but, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (society's obsession with being single.)

Except, being single is an art. Just like being in a relationship. It takes months, even years, to master this fine art.

You can't be one of those girls belting out Single Ladies in the club but, really, you're only belting out the song to avoid crying about your recent breakup. Man, you're still in a relationship. The only thing is you are the only person left in the relationship. The other person already dipped.

And, I don't know how I feel about single people who have one or multiple hookups. I mean I just don't know. Let's leave it at that.

There are a million scenarios I could run through. The point is, single, when used in the right context, is a positive term that encompasses more than just a relational state. It encompasses your mindset, your behavior, and your attitude. Single people aren't warriors. They feel lonely and vulnerable just like people in relationships. They aren't survivors. Come on, there are worse things than breakups. Single people just embrace being, well, single, the same way a person in a relationship unconditionally loves the other person.

Ladies and gentlemen, grab your paintbrushes, and master the art.

Love freely,
tY

A comforting thought

There's something very comforting about having not yet found one's soulmate. There's something so undeniably sweet about knowing the perfect, earth-shattering love, is still somewhere in the stratosphere just waiting for you. And, everyday you don't find it, maybe you just find yourself a little more. Perfect yourself a little more so you are the absolute best you that you can be when that love finally comes around. Because, baby, believe me, it will.



People who have found the one are so fortunate. But for those of us who haven't, well, we're pretty damn lucky, too.



Love freely,

tY

Title the book.

While buying a pack of Double Stuf Oreos today, I heard a group of girls talking about their hook-ups and one referred to her guy as her "boyfriend-ish."



"We kind of are but we're kind of not," she told her friends.



I stopped. Looked. Laughed. Continued on with Oreos.



In my few years of experience with the opposite sex (better known as male), I've learned that if you "kind of are but kind of not," you most likely aren't.



If you're new to Free Love, let me explain that I have an affinity for bashing idiotic women. Not because I'm above them. No, no, no. See, I, too, can be an idiotic woman so I feel like it's OK to do.



And, well, some women are just plain dumb, stupid, slow, and all of the above. Easy target. And, I don't like to stretch my brain much on these posts.



Back to boyfriend-ish. The ironic thing about this whole term is that it's giving a title to something that doesn't even exist. I'm so confused. He may be your boyfriend-ish, but I can guarantee that if he's sitting down with his guys talking, you are not his "girlfriend-ish." You are "oh, yea, that chick I (insert sexual action in past tense here), the other night."



Not everyone or every person needs a title. Some things are better left unsaid. But, if you're going to put a title on something, at least have it be a real one that people have heard of and won't make total strangers laugh at you and distract them from the insane cost of Double Stuf Oreos at convenience shops.



Girlfriend and boyfriend are serious words. Don't add ish to them. Then, you're just full of ish.



Love freely,

tY

Think tank.

Welcome to the 21st century. Home of everything quick and dirty, easy and attainable.

No different when it comes to our personal lives.

My boss and I just had a conversation spurred by an article in today's Diamondback about how texting is the basis for relationships and hookups nowadays. She was stunned. I had to inform her that my generation is not going down the drain; we've hit the scummy, murky, soaked bottom of it.

The other day a friend and I talked about people's "numbers" and how if your number nowadays is below double digits, even if that means it's like, oh I don't know, seven or eight, your next partner should be grateful. That's the norm.

OK, OK. I'm not here to talk about people jumping in bed and fulfilling carnal desires because I, too, have desires, and well, they are terribly carnal. But, this is free love. You know I don't do that. You know I have to talk about the bigger picture. Duh.

As a 20 year old, I know I'm part of the instant gratification generation. Maybe our parents spoiled us as children. I don't know. Come up with your own Freudian interpretation. Whatever the case, we expect our professors to curve C's into A's, we do the least amount of work for the greatest possible reward, we text someone for a day and then interact with them as though we've known them for a year (again, take this as you wish), and we call ourselves free spirits, "living in the moment," when really, we're just not exercising common sense but we're too free-spirited to call it that.

Yes, I hail from the instant gratification generation. A generation that acts often but thinks rarely.

See, that's my solution. People just need to think. I don't care if you overanalyze or think too much. But, at least do yourself the favor of thinking at least a little bit before you hook up with someone who is a complete waste of space, or make yourself available to someone who barely acknowledges your existence. I would even argue, be selfish and think about yourself for a change. I would also say "The only person you have to go to bed with at night and wake up next to in the morning is yourself" but that's a lie. You might go to bed with him. Either way, you get the metaphor.

Things that are easily attained are not usually worthwhile. Think about it.

Love freely,
tY

Playtime

Enjoy.

She keeps wondering why she keeps getting played
Yet coincidentally, she keeps getting laid
Putting her heart in the palm of their hands
Why give all of yourself to someone who's barely a man?
She doesn't know the rule
Yet insists on playing the game
A puzzle of broken hearts
It always ends up the same
She's handing over her body
her mind
and her soul
Giving away her all
And letting someone else have the control
Is she searching for love?
Is she searching for peace?
Is she searching for an outlet
That is simply a release?
If she's searching for herself
The chances of finding that are slim
Because the beauty of who she is
Is buried inside of him
Why are women the ones
Complaining about men?
When they are the same ones
Who make it so easy for them?
She gifted him all of her
Only for it to be devoured
She wished he were a man
But deep down, she knew he was a coward
She didn't use her brain
And denied the feelings in her heart
So, she's left with demolished pieces
And no idea where to start
With love comes a price
and in full she paid
A deep bet
A lifelong debt
Only to get played.

Love freely,
tY

Day of Birth!

Today's my 20th birthday! Maybe I should write about boyfriends forgetting their girlfriends' birthdays, or girlfriends getting extravagant gifts on their birthdays, or about how some people are married by the time their 20 while I'm sitting here realizing my life has just begun.

But,

instead, today, I will simply say I am blessed and surrounded by the love of not only my amazing family but also my incredible friends. These people surround me with love everyday but it's days like these when my dad sings to me on the phone, or my mom txts and asks "where's the birthday girl?" and my sisters call me, or my friends come out to dinner despite having to study for midterms, and other friends travel from out of town and drop serious amounts of money to go out that I realize I am loved and it is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

Happy Birthday to me.

Love freely,

tY

If you can't be with the one you love...

Come on. You've read my posts. You know sometimes I'm notorious for crushing the hearts and dreams of young lovers. Sometimes.

But, after celebrating an incredible birthday weekend with some of my best friends, I realized just as I said in my last post, love is everywhere. There are some beautiful things in life to be grateful for and if you're surrounded by love, whether it's loving friends, family, or a significant other, well, kid, you're one of the lucky ones.

So, if you can't be with the one you love, love the ones you're with.

Love freely,
tY

Here to stay

Someone told me sometimes these posts are sad (wink wink)

Yea. Sometimes they are.

So let's be happy today.

Love is in the tiniest cracks of our lives. It's in the feeling we get when our dad tells us he's proud of us or our best friend makes us laugh after an abysmal day or we hug someone we haven't seen in years or months or days. Love is hidden in music, in poems, in good food, in great conversation, in dancing the night away, in curling up with a good book or a good person, and in smiling at strangers. Love is like putting on a sweater right when fall begins and knowing something will keep you warm despite the wind, rain, sleet, and snow. Love is cotton candy and bubblegum and funnel cake.

Love rumbles. It rolls. It shakes. It roars. Love, great love, is sometimes loud and sometimes quiet. Sometimes love is a whisper. Sometime's it's a giggle. Sometimes, it's just happy silence.

Love is in the smallest spaces. Tiny holes that see into our soul.

Love is everywhere.

Love is real.

Belief in love might come and go,

But love is here to stay.

Love freely,
tY

First timer

Can we just take a minute and remember our first loves? :Nostalgic sigh:



First loves aren't just people. They aren't just experiences. They are lifetime moments that we'll take with us until we're old and gray.



Some first loves are our first kiss. Or our first time. Or all of the above. For others, all of these firsts are separate. Some first loves are our only loves. Some are the first in a string of loves. Whatever the case, the first time you love another human being, it's powerful, all-encompassing, and limitless. There's no limit to how deeply we love that first time, making it a double-edged sword.



First loves are special because we aren't holding misconceptions or preconceived notions or fears about what could happen. In the words of my signature sign off, we just love freely.



Sometimes we get hurt. And, well, as I always say, sometimes we get married. Guess it's just the luck of the draw.



We're up until 4am on the phone without any rhyme or reason. We laugh, we cry, we look at them across the room, we're plain giddy, googly eyed, and as I like to say, a cupcake.



But, the true beauty of life and love is that if we get hurt, someone else will come around, and despite those preconceived notions and those fears, we'll be able to love them just as freely, if not more freely, than our first love. If you're first love isn't your only love, don't be upset. Maybe you're the lucky one because half of the fun in life is waiting for that earth-shattering love to shake you one more time.

Girl Talk

From my nineteen years of experience as a female, I've learned two words: girls talk.

They talk a lot.

I'm sure men talk a lot, too. Unfortunately, women are known for it.

Imagine this scenario (if you're a girl): Your guy/boyfriend/hookup/whatever he is/crush is getting on your nerves. Maybe he forgot to call. Maybe he's in a bad mood. Maybe he didn't remember your birthday. Either way, you're annoyed so you go to your girlfriend for advice and she tells you to play a "game" and ignore him or, on the other hand, confront him with your feelings (again, my experience in girl world tells me advice usually falls into one of these two categories...not always, but usually.) So, you adhere to the advice and the situation blows up far more than you anticipated.

When is it OK to listen to your girlfriends?

See, girls always say "I want what's best for you. I just want you to be happy." But, that statement can only be taken seriously based on the person, not the words. Sorry to be a cynical Sally, but not EVERYONE (male or female) wants what's best for you. That might be part of why they say what they say but it's not always the main motive. Some people are motivated by jealousy, their own pain, or a number of other things.

So recognize the motive for what it is and not what they say it is.

Your best girlfriends will mean well but some girls take things to extremes. Adhere to your personal experiences and what your gut tells you before you run with your girl's advice to ignore him for 3-4 days (come on, you know you've tried this before. Guys NEVER notice these silly kindgergarten games. Chances are you wasted your own time and energy and he didn't even bat an eyelash.)

In the end, all you should do is listen to your own head and heart. Don't take advice from so many different people that you can't hear your own thoughts. Trust what you feel and don't be skewed by what other people think, perceive, or believe because sometimes, it's just flat out wrong.

Love freely,
tY

"Purgatory"

If you like poems about love with religious overtones, read. If you like poems that are just written for the beauty of writing's sake, well then read. If you're already on freelove2009.blogspot.com, well then read. And, if any references are incorrect, I would apologize but I write for the sake of writing, not for accuracy.

Purgatory

I'm halfway to heaven
And halfway to hell
And the difference between the two is so slight
That I can't even tell
If I let your hands
Slip away from mine
I'll be free for the angels
And go where it's divine
But if I keep holding on
I'll just slip into the fire
And fall to a place
Where I'll never be lifted higher
You are my purgatory
And now I must choose
A choice that seems obvious
Yet I feel either way, I'll lose
If I turn away from you
I know I'll rise above
But when it comes to you
I am pious in my love
If I let go of you
I will find salvation
But the desire to keep holding you
Is an overwhelming temptation
Thus a horrific battle wages within
For you are my sweetest and most sacred sin
Sometimes I know I can't continue this behavior
And sometimes I believe you are simply my savior
You were once my grace
But since then, I fell
So, I'm halfway to heaven
and halfway to hell.

Love freely,
tY

Espacio.

"I need some space."

If you've never heard this or said this to someone, whether it be a friend, a significant other, or a roommate, well, then, I've decided you probably are not human.

Usually, we use the term "I need some space" as more of an emotional or mental precaution. But, I'm gonna spin it today and talk about actual physical space.

You know him. The boyfriend who has a permanent space in his girlfriend's room, much to her roommate's dismay. You know her. The girlfriend who has more clothes at her boyfriend's house than her own. You know them. I hope you aren't them. But, you know them.

The closer we become to another human being, the more the boundaries of physical space disappear. This is only natural. But, there is something to be said for being OK with our own space and retreating to it every now and again. Sharing space is like pancakes: just enough and you're satisfied, too much and you'll get sick.

Love freely,
tY