I Hate You So Much Right Now

I know, I know. Such a harsh title.

But, first and foremost, let me say Merry Christmas to all! It's been a wondrous day and I am proud to say Free Love is now on a business card, compliments of my sister who gave me cards as a Christmas present. Don't worry, I'm still definitely not official but hey, gotta fake it till you make it.

Now, as always, a blog post. Consider it my Christmas present to you.

Women are a handful at times. I can fairly say this because I am one. And, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, just sometimes, women love hating their friends' significant others.

A friend and I were discussing this last night because he rightfully said that while men tend to figure relationship issues out on their own, women have to run and vent to one another. Unfortunately, with that wonderful outlet comes the high possibility of degrading the guy you are talking about and skewing your friend's view of him.

Here's the problem. If you and your wonderful man friend get into an argument, once all is forgiven, you will probably move on and look forward to greener pastures. However, if in between fighting and forgiveness you vent to your friend, chances are your friend will internalize what happened and change her mind about the guy. In the end, her view will be one-sided, biased, and about 99% wrong. But, because it is her view, she will stick to it, believing you are messing up, making a mistake, and hanging out with the wrong guy.

Listen, don't get me wrong. When poisonous behavior is a chronic problem, your view should probably change. Some guys are just plain bad. However, most friends, couples, etc. argue. I like to think a little bit of disagreement is healthy in moderation. No, you shouldn't create screaming matches just for the sake of it, but it is OK to disagree and sometimes, it escalates to an argument. Just a test of your wits, passion, and forgiveness.

In the end, while it is nearly impossible for most women, I think we should try to give ourselves what I am going to call a 5 minute moment. After you have slammed the phone in your boyfriend's ear, wait. Five minutes. I know it is difficult. But wait five minutes before telling anyone anything. You would be surprised how much you can figure out in that five minutes and how much you can decide to leave out if and when you relay the story to your friend.

Give the poor shmuck some credit. He can't be all that bad. And, when he gives you a dozen roses on your birthday, you want your friends to be happy for you and not say, "But remember when he..." So, to my ladies, remember that there are two sides to every story. Your friend wrote one part, her man friend wrote another, and well, you're just the reader.

Merry Christmas to all.

Love freely,
tY