Cold Heart Syndrome

Heartbreak is an inevitable part of life.

Everyone has opened up to another person and shared their vulnerabilities, only to eventually depart from that person. Sometimes the departure is gradual, sometime it's abrupt, sometimes it's shocking, other times it's expected. Nonetheless, heartbreak is a part of relationships that we all have to experience. If you've never experienced heartbreak, then you've either a) never been in a relationship or b) never fully opened up to a person and been completely vulnerable with them. The first one is understandable but the second one isn't really excusable.

So, what happens in life post heartbreak?

After opening up to someone and sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings only to have the relationship with that person end, it is difficult if not nearly impossible to trust another person with those same things. It's easy for the "heartbreakee" to shut themselves off from vulnerability and openness and opt for a life of distrust and skepticism. A thin layer of ice forms over their heart and only hardens with time. This way they can be certain that they never experience the same heartbreak that they've experienced before.

However, if a person chooses to guard themselves and never experience heartbreak, they also implicitly opt to guard themselves from opening up to another person and eventually falling head over heels in love.

OK, I'm not a sellout or hopeless romantic. I also do NOT advise being naive and always giving people the benefit of the doubt. However, I do believe finding a balance between being open and being aware. Not every person you meet will have your best interest at heart. And, you will also find that even people who do have honest intentions and want the best for you are not always the best for you. And, maybe, those are the most telling heartbreaks of all. The ones where we can just write the person off as a "bad" person only attributes the heartbreak to them. But, when we meet a legitimately good person who just isn't good for us, we learn that everyone is simply searching for a flawless love with a flawed person.

The guy at the club who is suddenly interested in speaking to you because of your little black dress, stunning legs, and 4 inch heels probably doesn't have your best interest at heart. Don't give him the benefit of the doubt; keep it moving. But, the guy who wants to be your friend and knows he just can't be your boyfriend isn't a bad person. He just wants the best for you and knows that he's not it.

The weeping, regret, and pain accompanied with heartbreak are nearly unbearable. But, the joy, openness, and exuberance accompanied with true love make up for it.

Don't shut yourself off. In the words of my signature sign off, love freely.

Love freely,
tY