Lines from a beautiful song by John Legend:
Cause everybody knows that
nobody really knows
how to make it work
or how to ease the hurt...
cause everybody knows
but nobody really knows.
There's a cliche: Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house.
When it comes to the world of relationships, we all live in glass houses. Unfortunately, it seems like most of us also throw stones.
Just like most things in life, we're all at different stages when it comes to relationships and we have all had different experiences. I recently told a friend that we're all just wild, running around and making mistakes until God decides to throw our soul mate into the mix. Some of us have had great relationships, others have had terrible ones, others haven't had any. Some of us have cheated, others have been cheated on. Some of us have broken hearts, others have gotten their hearts broken. Some of us have slept around, others are waiting to have sex until they are married, others are not sleeping around by default (if you know me, you know what this phrase means.) We lie, deceive, send mixed signals, flirt harmlessly or maybe not so harmlessly, open our hearts to people we know we shouldn't, and close our hearts to people we know we should open up to. We gossip, keep secrets, cry, yell, go running back to old lovers, send drunken late night texts, say things that our mothers would not be proud of, DO things our mothers might not be proud of, hope and pray for changes, doubt ourselves, casually hook up, get shaken to the core by love, and do it all again. We. Are. Human.
So, what's the point?
Just that: WE ARE HUMAN.
We all experience the same emotions in the roller coaster of relationships and love, no matter how extreme or subtle they may be. And, although a situation may be perfectly black and white from the outside, we do have to keep in mind that behind that black and white surface, there's a rainbow of human emotions. So it may be okay to give advice to a friend who really needs it, but it's not okay to judge. Or worse, it's not okay to try and draw parallels between any situation you've had and the situation of a friend because you're both different people.
Again, I draw inspiration from pretty much anywhere that I can find it so of course, this isn't unprompted. It's been a very interesting week from many different angles in terms of my subject matter and this was the best way to sum it up. I've talked to a lot of different friends about so many different situations so this is kind of paying homage to everyone including myself, I guess, if you were to look at my life experiences.
Cause everybody knows
but nobody really knows.
Love freely,
tY
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Here comes the bride...
Who's Wedding is it Anyway? Say Yes to the Dress. I Propose. Platinum Weddings. Bridezillas.
If you haven't notice, our culture is obsessed with marriage.
No, I take that back, our culture is obsessed with weddings. Of course, weddings are the public announcement of marriage so obviously the two go hand-in-hand.
Lately, the topic of marriage has come up in conversation with many of my friends, guys and girls alike. Would you move across the country for your spouse? Am I wife material? When is the timing right? Is it okay to have a question mark on your future? Am I going to end up 50 yrs old with 10 cats?
Then, it dawns on me. Everyone I've been talking to is young...almost too young to be thinking about any of these things (and I, too, am a culprit when it comes to the mortal sin of asking some of these questions.) Why does society shove marriage down our throats so much?
If you believe monogamy is natural, great. If you don't, great. If you believe in marriage, great. If you think you can have a soul mate without marrying them, great. I'm not here to judge any of that because it's not my place. However, I can say that these people who produce wedding shows and unyieldingly feed the idea of happily ever after need to find something more productive to contribute to society. Because if that's the case, where are all of the divorce shows? I mean don't 50% of marriages end in divorce? Oh, yea that's what I thought.
Sure, I'm being a little cynical for the sake of argument. But, when I found myself seriously considering whether or not I was marriage material I had to cut the madness. There's something very important I said in my very first post: I'm 19 years old. It's OK that the thing at the forefront of my mind relationship-wise is absolutely nothing at all.
Use your youth as an excuse because it is a very valid one. And, one day, you're going to be 50 and regardless of whether your married with 10 children or single with 10 cats, being young and doing what you want and getting what YOU want out of life will no longer be valid. You'll either be considered a selfish spouse and/or parent or a desperate less hot version of Samantha Jones (or maybe you'll be just as hot, I'm not sure. You're reading this so something about you is sexy.)
Maybe marriage is the ultimate goal, but society and mass media need to give it a rest. And, even if it is the ultimate goal, is it fair for it to overshadow our other goals of wanting to travel to exotic places or work in big cities?
Who's Wedding is it anyway? Not ours, so we really don't care.
Love freely,
tY
If you haven't notice, our culture is obsessed with marriage.
No, I take that back, our culture is obsessed with weddings. Of course, weddings are the public announcement of marriage so obviously the two go hand-in-hand.
Lately, the topic of marriage has come up in conversation with many of my friends, guys and girls alike. Would you move across the country for your spouse? Am I wife material? When is the timing right? Is it okay to have a question mark on your future? Am I going to end up 50 yrs old with 10 cats?
Then, it dawns on me. Everyone I've been talking to is young...almost too young to be thinking about any of these things (and I, too, am a culprit when it comes to the mortal sin of asking some of these questions.) Why does society shove marriage down our throats so much?
If you believe monogamy is natural, great. If you don't, great. If you believe in marriage, great. If you think you can have a soul mate without marrying them, great. I'm not here to judge any of that because it's not my place. However, I can say that these people who produce wedding shows and unyieldingly feed the idea of happily ever after need to find something more productive to contribute to society. Because if that's the case, where are all of the divorce shows? I mean don't 50% of marriages end in divorce? Oh, yea that's what I thought.
Sure, I'm being a little cynical for the sake of argument. But, when I found myself seriously considering whether or not I was marriage material I had to cut the madness. There's something very important I said in my very first post: I'm 19 years old. It's OK that the thing at the forefront of my mind relationship-wise is absolutely nothing at all.
Use your youth as an excuse because it is a very valid one. And, one day, you're going to be 50 and regardless of whether your married with 10 children or single with 10 cats, being young and doing what you want and getting what YOU want out of life will no longer be valid. You'll either be considered a selfish spouse and/or parent or a desperate less hot version of Samantha Jones (or maybe you'll be just as hot, I'm not sure. You're reading this so something about you is sexy.)
Maybe marriage is the ultimate goal, but society and mass media need to give it a rest. And, even if it is the ultimate goal, is it fair for it to overshadow our other goals of wanting to travel to exotic places or work in big cities?
Who's Wedding is it anyway? Not ours, so we really don't care.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, March 23, 2009
Lovers and Friends
I recently heard that men and women could only be friends if sex was not an issue; so the individuals would have to be dead or 80 yrs old (and even the latter isn't guaranteed.) Don't ask where I heard this, I forgot. My apologies.
Can men and women JUST be friends?
Wait, wait, gotta rephrase that for the sake of argument.
Can heterosexual men and women just be friends?
Not discriminating at all but there has to be some sexual interest here.
It's a question people have pondered for ages. It's a question people thought they knew the answer to until their best friend broke their heart. It's a question people thought they knew the answer to until their friend of six years confessed their undying affection and they felt nothing in return. It's a question that will continue to perplex us. We will try to make our own conclusions, arrive at our own answers, and then be completely caught off guard at some point in our life. I won't be able to answer it in the words of this blog...but the point of my posts is never to answer questions...it's to raise them. You make up the rest.
My teeny tiny bit of personal experience says this: I have a few good guy friends.
My teeny tiny bit of personal experience ALSO says this: With these guys, a physical interest (and perhaps elaboration of that...) existed at some point.
Don't get it twisted, these are the REALLY good guy friends. The ones whom I know I can count on if I'm in a rut or wanting to laugh...that kind of thing. Sure, I'm friends with guys I sit next to in class or work with but they are more so associates. The ones who are actual friends are ones who I can honestly say there's been something physical with at some point. And for me, that, in the end, has only strengthened the friendship. Curiosity killed the cat but apparently it revived the friendship. It's just kind of like "OK, we went there, saw what it was, and saw we are way better as friends. Let's be that."
Again, this isn't a diary though so there's my personal gush until whenever.
The ability to maintain a strictly platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex doesn't require any sort of personality; it simply depends on your view of relationships and by relationships I mean anything...romantic, platonic, etc. If you separate the friendly from the flirty without any blurry lines, the friends thing works for you. If you're mind (or heart or a combination of both) doesn't like that idea, maybe just friends doesn't work. Or maybe you like to explore to see if it does work. And, if that's true, explore.
So, I end without answering the question. Instead, one word: explore. Even if it's not necessarily what you usually do. You're bound to learn a thing or two along the way.
Love freely,
tY
Can men and women JUST be friends?
Wait, wait, gotta rephrase that for the sake of argument.
Can heterosexual men and women just be friends?
Not discriminating at all but there has to be some sexual interest here.
It's a question people have pondered for ages. It's a question people thought they knew the answer to until their best friend broke their heart. It's a question people thought they knew the answer to until their friend of six years confessed their undying affection and they felt nothing in return. It's a question that will continue to perplex us. We will try to make our own conclusions, arrive at our own answers, and then be completely caught off guard at some point in our life. I won't be able to answer it in the words of this blog...but the point of my posts is never to answer questions...it's to raise them. You make up the rest.
My teeny tiny bit of personal experience says this: I have a few good guy friends.
My teeny tiny bit of personal experience ALSO says this: With these guys, a physical interest (and perhaps elaboration of that...) existed at some point.
Don't get it twisted, these are the REALLY good guy friends. The ones whom I know I can count on if I'm in a rut or wanting to laugh...that kind of thing. Sure, I'm friends with guys I sit next to in class or work with but they are more so associates. The ones who are actual friends are ones who I can honestly say there's been something physical with at some point. And for me, that, in the end, has only strengthened the friendship. Curiosity killed the cat but apparently it revived the friendship. It's just kind of like "OK, we went there, saw what it was, and saw we are way better as friends. Let's be that."
Again, this isn't a diary though so there's my personal gush until whenever.
The ability to maintain a strictly platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex doesn't require any sort of personality; it simply depends on your view of relationships and by relationships I mean anything...romantic, platonic, etc. If you separate the friendly from the flirty without any blurry lines, the friends thing works for you. If you're mind (or heart or a combination of both) doesn't like that idea, maybe just friends doesn't work. Or maybe you like to explore to see if it does work. And, if that's true, explore.
So, I end without answering the question. Instead, one word: explore. Even if it's not necessarily what you usually do. You're bound to learn a thing or two along the way.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do?
So, askmen.com just became my new best friend.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/126_dating_advice.html
According to askmen.com, a bad boy "exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits -- especially confidence -- are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the Bad Boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level."
If you've never dated a bad boy, you would probably be lying if you said you were never a) attracted to one and/or b) fooled around with one.
The bad boy image is easily recognizable...askmen.com put it best when they said, "untamed masculinity, independence, and confidence.' Untamed...wow, I just love that word. It's the perfect way to describe it. Masculinity, independence, and confidence are traits women desire in men but when there's no ceiling to these characteristics, there's a glaring problem.
The bad boy comes in many forms...musicians, jocks, and Wall Street execs just to name a few of the stereotypical ones. Unfortunately, men aren't the only ones who can't think with both parts of their body at the same time. Women, too, can recognize these personality flaws but soon become puddy in the hands of a bad boy. However, it's not purely physical for women; in fact, it's probably more emotional for women. Why?
WOMEN WANT TO BE THE GIRL WHO CHANGES THE GUY.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/126_dating_advice.html
According to askmen.com, a bad boy "exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits -- especially confidence -- are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the Bad Boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level."
If you've never dated a bad boy, you would probably be lying if you said you were never a) attracted to one and/or b) fooled around with one.
The bad boy image is easily recognizable...askmen.com put it best when they said, "untamed masculinity, independence, and confidence.' Untamed...wow, I just love that word. It's the perfect way to describe it. Masculinity, independence, and confidence are traits women desire in men but when there's no ceiling to these characteristics, there's a glaring problem.
The bad boy comes in many forms...musicians, jocks, and Wall Street execs just to name a few of the stereotypical ones. Unfortunately, men aren't the only ones who can't think with both parts of their body at the same time. Women, too, can recognize these personality flaws but soon become puddy in the hands of a bad boy. However, it's not purely physical for women; in fact, it's probably more emotional for women. Why?
WOMEN WANT TO BE THE GIRL WHO CHANGES THE GUY.
There may be euphemisms for this (i.e "bring out the best in him") but essentially, women, too, have egos. And, while this may not necessarily be an issues of egos, when a guy changes for a woman or because of a certain woman, it's a sign of undying affection through sacrifice. And, of course, every person desires that undying affection.
Unfortunately, what usually ends up happening is that the women puts in an ungodly amount of time and effort only for the man to maintain his bad boy ways. Here's the key: people change because they want to change. And, permanent change is usually the result of self-reflection. Yes, there are other people who are important to us who make us want to change. But, we have to want to change for ourselves, not for the approval of someone else. For a "bad boy" to find that place where HE wants to be confident yet vulnerable, masculine yet sensitive, and independent yet open-minded is difficult and at times, nearly impossible.
Messing around with a "bad boy" can be very tempting and incredibly sexy. But, before you go there, make sure you're up for a purely good time that will result in absolutely nothing. And, it is my knowledge, that woman can talk that game but they usually can't play it.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
For the poet in you...
My blog is almost a month old and I absolutely love writing my posts. Thanks to everyone for reading and giving me feedback, I appreciate it so much! Also, to every person, whether they know it or not, who has inspired anything in my posts, thanks. This is something that went from being just a little fun thing to do on the side to something I'm super passionate about so thank you!!!
For those who know me, writing is my therapy. So, today I'm taking a blog break (I think I'm going to incorporate these "blog breaks" from time to time now just to add some flavor) and publishing a poem I wrote quite some time ago. I think a lot of the words in the poem speak to a series of different situations that everyone has faced at some point. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
he came to school with all of the answers
and he never expected to meet her
so when fate put the two of them together
their lives became an amorphous and dreamy blur
she wanted to respect his wishes and just be her
because she didn't want to be one of those clingy and needy girls
so they played a never ending game of cat and mouse
till before they knew it, his hands were under her blouse
in between bouts of amazing conversation
they gazed and kissed brought one another a high level of elation
as they battled what they wanted, what they needed, and the inevitable motion of fate
he knew he didn't want commitment, so she figured she could still appreciate him, even if there was never a date
because she knew she wouldn't change him but her heart moved too quick
making reckless and thoughtless turns when she knew the rules were very strict
and so what went from being late night lyrical conversations
turned into chaotic and emotion wrecked sensations
he knew his interests would be fleeting
but when she finally realized that, to her, he suddenly seemed viciously misleading
when he didn't want to talk, she labeled him as mean
when really they were both freaking out because things were becoming too routine
he told her from day one he could never bring himself to be the a hole
yet he was able to just up and leave after taking one glimpse into her soul
there was something about him she knew she wouldn't let go
but she couldn't speak, couldn't make a move because of her ego
they went from hours of gazing to not being able to look in each other's face
went from hour long sessions of kissing to not even thinking about sharing an embrace
they went from amazing friends to total strangers
because with emotion comes uncertainty, fright, and danger
he told her he couldn't lie, he said, "it just isn't me"
but he never told her that within their friendship, there was no reciprocity
she misses him but that's something she can't admit
because realizing that he meant something makes her is a shameful and inevitable hit
she's supposed to be unreachable, untouchable, kind of the way he was
she's supposed to be able to blow off people just because
he's using his school work as a pretty good excuse
but she sees straight through him so they both no it's no use
and she wonders who's the girl who now captured his attention
and will she be able to stay around long enough to capture his affection
because the next girl could be in the same position
as he goes out and steals hearts as if he's on some kind of mission
if she tries to change his attitude, those chances are very slim
because there's something divine yet sadly unbreakable about him
something in her heart told her if it was right, fate would intervene
and allow them not to be friends, not to be lovers, but something beautifully in between
he's still making her life a dreamy and confusing blur
because he touched something new and soulful inside of her
Love freely,
tY
For those who know me, writing is my therapy. So, today I'm taking a blog break (I think I'm going to incorporate these "blog breaks" from time to time now just to add some flavor) and publishing a poem I wrote quite some time ago. I think a lot of the words in the poem speak to a series of different situations that everyone has faced at some point. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
he came to school with all of the answers
and he never expected to meet her
so when fate put the two of them together
their lives became an amorphous and dreamy blur
she wanted to respect his wishes and just be her
because she didn't want to be one of those clingy and needy girls
so they played a never ending game of cat and mouse
till before they knew it, his hands were under her blouse
in between bouts of amazing conversation
they gazed and kissed brought one another a high level of elation
as they battled what they wanted, what they needed, and the inevitable motion of fate
he knew he didn't want commitment, so she figured she could still appreciate him, even if there was never a date
because she knew she wouldn't change him but her heart moved too quick
making reckless and thoughtless turns when she knew the rules were very strict
and so what went from being late night lyrical conversations
turned into chaotic and emotion wrecked sensations
he knew his interests would be fleeting
but when she finally realized that, to her, he suddenly seemed viciously misleading
when he didn't want to talk, she labeled him as mean
when really they were both freaking out because things were becoming too routine
he told her from day one he could never bring himself to be the a hole
yet he was able to just up and leave after taking one glimpse into her soul
there was something about him she knew she wouldn't let go
but she couldn't speak, couldn't make a move because of her ego
they went from hours of gazing to not being able to look in each other's face
went from hour long sessions of kissing to not even thinking about sharing an embrace
they went from amazing friends to total strangers
because with emotion comes uncertainty, fright, and danger
he told her he couldn't lie, he said, "it just isn't me"
but he never told her that within their friendship, there was no reciprocity
she misses him but that's something she can't admit
because realizing that he meant something makes her is a shameful and inevitable hit
she's supposed to be unreachable, untouchable, kind of the way he was
she's supposed to be able to blow off people just because
he's using his school work as a pretty good excuse
but she sees straight through him so they both no it's no use
and she wonders who's the girl who now captured his attention
and will she be able to stay around long enough to capture his affection
because the next girl could be in the same position
as he goes out and steals hearts as if he's on some kind of mission
if she tries to change his attitude, those chances are very slim
because there's something divine yet sadly unbreakable about him
something in her heart told her if it was right, fate would intervene
and allow them not to be friends, not to be lovers, but something beautifully in between
he's still making her life a dreamy and confusing blur
because he touched something new and soulful inside of her
Love freely,
tY
Monday, March 16, 2009
The ultimate say
If no one has ever told you "I want to be with you, BUT..." I am pretty convinced you're not living on planet Earth.
Today, a friend and I had an interesting conversation that resulted in both of us realizing we have the opposite dilemma: she was once told she's "wife" material but right now she can't be in a relationship and I was once told I'm not even ready to be in a relationship. She's too great for relationships and I'm not good enough.
Usually I refrain from divulging details about my personal love life in my entries because I don't want to seem biased but for the purposes of today's entry I have made a special exception (with the above statement.)
Anyway, here's the question. What qualifies being ready for a relationship and who, exactly, is allowed to make those decisions for us?
Being in a relationship is like having a child. You are handed something without any instruction manual. Experts may try to enlighten you with books or editorials but essentially, you have forge your own path.
There's no equation for being ready for a relationship (or not ready for that matter.) If you find the right person who makes you want to sacrifice and devote yourself selflessly, wouldn't that constitute being ready? And, despite what another person may think, shouldn't YOU be the one to decide whether or not you're ready for something? Or, in the case of my friend, shouldn't YOU decide what kind of "material" you are?
When other people make those types of decisions for us, they implant ideas in our heads that can reverberate for a long time. Because one person who we really cared about decided we were "wife" material or not prepared to be in a relationship, we suddenly carry those ideas into our next fling or crush or relationship. Then, we're immobile. We start believing we're "bad" at relationships when, really, what makes a person bad at a relationship in the first place? (another post entirely, I suppose, but a valid question to raise for the sake of argument.)
The next time someone tells you what you are or are not ready for, respect their opinion and keep it moving (and tell them to keep it moving while you're at it.) Only you can decide what you're prepared for in life and while others may provide insight, YOU have the ultimate say.
Love freely,
tY
Today, a friend and I had an interesting conversation that resulted in both of us realizing we have the opposite dilemma: she was once told she's "wife" material but right now she can't be in a relationship and I was once told I'm not even ready to be in a relationship. She's too great for relationships and I'm not good enough.
Usually I refrain from divulging details about my personal love life in my entries because I don't want to seem biased but for the purposes of today's entry I have made a special exception (with the above statement.)
Anyway, here's the question. What qualifies being ready for a relationship and who, exactly, is allowed to make those decisions for us?
Being in a relationship is like having a child. You are handed something without any instruction manual. Experts may try to enlighten you with books or editorials but essentially, you have forge your own path.
There's no equation for being ready for a relationship (or not ready for that matter.) If you find the right person who makes you want to sacrifice and devote yourself selflessly, wouldn't that constitute being ready? And, despite what another person may think, shouldn't YOU be the one to decide whether or not you're ready for something? Or, in the case of my friend, shouldn't YOU decide what kind of "material" you are?
When other people make those types of decisions for us, they implant ideas in our heads that can reverberate for a long time. Because one person who we really cared about decided we were "wife" material or not prepared to be in a relationship, we suddenly carry those ideas into our next fling or crush or relationship. Then, we're immobile. We start believing we're "bad" at relationships when, really, what makes a person bad at a relationship in the first place? (another post entirely, I suppose, but a valid question to raise for the sake of argument.)
The next time someone tells you what you are or are not ready for, respect their opinion and keep it moving (and tell them to keep it moving while you're at it.) Only you can decide what you're prepared for in life and while others may provide insight, YOU have the ultimate say.
Love freely,
tY
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Love in this Club
As previously stated a few entries ago, I pull inspiration for my posts from all sources. So, while doing a little booty shaking Saturday night at a club in DC and watching my female peers engage in some extra curricular activities of their own, you can only imagine that my latest blog entry was handed to me on a silver platter.
I enjoy providing stats to back up my ideas so I googled, "percentage of people who meet at clubs." No search result even came close to answering my question. So, I tried, "percentage of people who meet at bars." Again, no answer. Maybe I should delete "who" or "at" from my search query?
Since I couldn't find a stat, I'm just going to say most people don't go to clubs or bars searching for their soul mate. It's virtually impossible. What are you going to do, have a meaningful conversation while "Swagga Like Us" blasts at record high decibels? A few of the girls I saw last night were obviously not looking for relationships. But, it also saddened me that they weren't looking for respect.
I looked over at one girl bent over with her shoes OFF (this is another problem entirely; unfortunately this isn't a blog about personal hygiene.) I turn in another direction and I get a full view of a girl's white underwear under a little black dress while she's dancing. Where do we draw the line between having fun and respecting ourselves?
No, I am by no means playing God on this one because I, too, have busted a few dance moves that my mama would not be proud of (or maybe she would, I'm not sure, my mom was once a pretty cool lady.) I've also donned a few outfits that left little to the imagination. I go out to have a good time, not to find someone who is going to cherish me from now until forever. But, self-respect is a constant thing. And, if you're wondering what self-respect has to do with relationships, here's your answer: the messages we send determine the messages we receive. You may not be looking for your soul mate in the club but what if, just what if, a decent guy looks your way in hopes of speaking to you and you're bent over, shoes off, and underwear out? Is your behavior an anomaly because you're out and having fun or do you really just not care about how you represent yourself? Chances are "expectant guy" will not know and thus, will not give you the benefit of the doubt.
You can have fun without showing me your hoo ha. (or "britney" or however else you want to refer to your nether regions.) I have my own to look at, thank you very much. The most fun I had on Saturday night was when my girls and I miraculously found an empty corner and rocked out to a club mix. No bumping, no grinding, no guys, no exposed undies. Just a legitimately good time.
Maybe I should be thankful for those girls. Then, I don't have guys harassing me and wondering why my lovely white panties aren't showing.
Love freely,
tY
I enjoy providing stats to back up my ideas so I googled, "percentage of people who meet at clubs." No search result even came close to answering my question. So, I tried, "percentage of people who meet at bars." Again, no answer. Maybe I should delete "who" or "at" from my search query?
Since I couldn't find a stat, I'm just going to say most people don't go to clubs or bars searching for their soul mate. It's virtually impossible. What are you going to do, have a meaningful conversation while "Swagga Like Us" blasts at record high decibels? A few of the girls I saw last night were obviously not looking for relationships. But, it also saddened me that they weren't looking for respect.
I looked over at one girl bent over with her shoes OFF (this is another problem entirely; unfortunately this isn't a blog about personal hygiene.) I turn in another direction and I get a full view of a girl's white underwear under a little black dress while she's dancing. Where do we draw the line between having fun and respecting ourselves?
No, I am by no means playing God on this one because I, too, have busted a few dance moves that my mama would not be proud of (or maybe she would, I'm not sure, my mom was once a pretty cool lady.) I've also donned a few outfits that left little to the imagination. I go out to have a good time, not to find someone who is going to cherish me from now until forever. But, self-respect is a constant thing. And, if you're wondering what self-respect has to do with relationships, here's your answer: the messages we send determine the messages we receive. You may not be looking for your soul mate in the club but what if, just what if, a decent guy looks your way in hopes of speaking to you and you're bent over, shoes off, and underwear out? Is your behavior an anomaly because you're out and having fun or do you really just not care about how you represent yourself? Chances are "expectant guy" will not know and thus, will not give you the benefit of the doubt.
You can have fun without showing me your hoo ha. (or "britney" or however else you want to refer to your nether regions.) I have my own to look at, thank you very much. The most fun I had on Saturday night was when my girls and I miraculously found an empty corner and rocked out to a club mix. No bumping, no grinding, no guys, no exposed undies. Just a legitimately good time.
Maybe I should be thankful for those girls. Then, I don't have guys harassing me and wondering why my lovely white panties aren't showing.
Love freely,
tY
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