The Non-Negotiables

If there's anything I've learned from my own former relationship and watching other relationships get together and fall apart, it's that dating, serious i-might-wanna-marry-you dating, is tough. Recently, I've heard of relationships hitting a rough patch over the hardcore stuff. I'm talking about the stuff that we aren't so quick to think about when we're still enamored with those first butterflies. Well, here comes Free Love to throw a brick through that pretty window of the dream house you're already building with your Ken. Or, think of it as Free Love coming to help you think a little. Yeah, that's nicer. Ladies and Gentlemen, here are the non-negotiables. The dealbreakers. The things that you should ponder and discuss if you REALLY want to get serious with somone. 1) Family: Yup, I put this one first because, believe it or not, I've experienced the disagreements over this firsthand and have witnessed the demise of a relationship because of it. I guess family also means, well, do you both want a family? If he wants 4 kids and you want 0 (story of my life), that is a problem and someone's gonna have to compromise. But, really, family means...how much does your person's family mean to them? Do they care if your family is a cast of characters from the circus or are they willing to accept anything? Can you guys hang out with each other's families without one person feeling like all they wanna do is crawl under a rock? 2) Money: Let's face it...no one likes talking about money. It's a sensitive subject whether you have a lot or a little. But, you have to talk money with a significant other. And, I don't just mean "How much are you willing to spend on a vacation?" I mean, "How much debt are you in?" Because, if you want him to put a ring on it, then you're asking him to put a ring on your debt, too. What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours...right? 3) Religion: Oh, now I'm really killing your dreams. Religion, like money, is a touchy subject so I'll use myself as an example. I grew up going to church and although I don't adhere to everything I learned there (understatement of the year), I do believe in a higher power. And while I am all about accepting the atheists, agnostics, all that...I wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't go to church with me every once in a blue moon and understand/respect what was going on (that comment is deliberately open-ended.) In the end, are you willing to convert? Do you care about this stuff at all? Gotta know where you stand, kid. 4) Relocation: Pretty simple--would you move for love and how far? I feel like this changes with age and the duration of the relationship (ie I'm not moving across the country if I've known you for 6 months. I'll just take the L on that one. But, if we've been married for 6 years, then, yes...probably...even though I'd be really stubborn and kick and scream and cry before doing so.) So, there's a million other things I could probably list here but those are the major outside influences beyond our control. My point here? No one thinks about this stuff. I will tell you right now you are a complete fool if you think marriage is just love. My second point here? You don't have to care about this stuff just yet. You're young and you should enjoy the beauty of getting naked with someone, rolling around, and never once having to consider any of the above factors. Because those things are heavy and they hit and you're just too cool for school to be dealing with that now. Love freely, tY