Quotes From Last Night: Marriage

I really have no business writing about marriage. What do I know, right? I'm 21, unmarried, single, and the only marriage I've had an up close and personal experience with has been that of my parents, which, well, um, yeah. Enough said.

But, I probably don't have any business writing about a lot of stuff on this blog so marriage, here we go.

Last night, while talking to a friend, I spent a good 20 minutes defending why I don't want to have children and possibly don't want to get married. Snippets of the conversation went a little something like this:

Him: But if you don't get married or have kids you'll...just...get...old....by yourself.

Me: Why can't I just spend my life with someone and not be married?

Him: So you think a man is going to be with you his whole life, not sleep with anyone else, but not marry you?

Me: Yeah...

later in the convo...

Me: You're only saying these things cause you're a traditionalist. I think you'll be one of those people who cheats on your wife anyway.

Him: Yeah, I probably will. And, she'll probably cheat on me. As long as I don't know about it, it's fine.

Do you have a puzzled/disgusted look on your face after reading that last sentence? Oh, ok, cause that's what I looked like when I heard it.

Let me be completely honest: America has fucked up marriage. I don't drop the f-bomb often on Free Love, but it is true. In some ways, I don't blame my friend for his final comment because all around us, we're seeing that people get married and what do they do? They cheat. They lie. They steal. They get divorced. People get married because oops, they had a kid and there's no choice or oh, they love each other at age 20 and that's enough, or he needs a green card or she needs a source of income because she's too lazy to work. All very wrong reasons to get married, if you ask me. America doesn't think about the marriage; it thinks about "getting married." It thinks about the white dress, the tux, the ceremony, the reception. It thinks about the day, not the lifetime and sorry to tell you, but marriage is a lifetime. So, there's no wonder that I have little faith in marriage.

Similar to my post about having children a few days ago, marriage is a choice, not an obligation. And, yes, deep down, I'm pretty sure I'll get married. But I will do it for the right reasons. Not for money. Not JUST for love (because not everyone whom you love are you meant to marry and if you haven't learned that yet, come back to me after your next breakup.) Not because I'm 30 and society told me I'm too old to be single and not because I'm dating someone and it just seems like the "next logical step." So, maybe I don't know all the reasons why I would marry someone, but those are some of the reasons why I certainly wouldn't. And, at 21, I think that's all I need to know.

Love freely,

tY