Play By The Rules

If you're anything like me, you tune into regularly syndicated episodes of "Girlfriends" and secretly compare you and your group of 4 friends to the women on the show. And, if you're not anything like me, then you just completely missed this reference and may be lost for the next few minutes or so but bear with me...you'll understand eventually. On the show, Tracee Ellis Ross' character Joan is well-known for her three month rule: she doesn't sleep with a man until at least three months of dating. I'm not here to condone or condemn this rule. Instead, I'm just here to talk about rules. Dictionary.com, the only reliable dictionary in today's society...obviously, defines a rule as "a principle or regulation governing conduct, action, procedure, arrangement, etc." Rules have been reigning our lives since we were little. "Be in bed by 9pm," "Eat all of your spinach," "Don't run alongside the pool." Sometimes rules have major consequences (running alongside the pool could mean busting your ass) while other rules have minor consequences or no consequences at all (I stopped going to bed at 9pm when I was little once I discovered "The Real World Hawaii" came on at 10pm.) As we get older, we play by our own rules. But, the important thing is that we have them. Ok, time for me to get to the dating/love/reason why you read this blog portion of my point. It's my personal belief that it helps to channel your inner Joan Clayton (character from Girlfriends I just talked about for my ADD friends who are already lost) and set some rules of your own in the world of dating. Even if it's just one rule. For instance, I have a no sleepover rule with hookups. (see post from October 29, 2009 entitled "REM.") I'm a weirdo who firmly believes sleeping with someone, literally just sharing a bed with them and sleeping for a full night, is super intimate. So, I don't care if it's 4am and I'm yawning all over the place...I'll gather my things and walk back to my place. But, that's just me. I'm not suggesting you have a "three month rule" or a "no sleepover rule"...I'm simply suggesting you have a rule. Why? Because in the unpredictable, psychotic, and easily hurtful world of dating and relationships, it helps to have something that you stand by, even if it is as simple as "I won't tell you my middle name until Date 3." You know that cheesy saying, If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything? I think that kind of applies here. If you have absolutely nothing that keeps you grounded in the dating universe, you'll probably fall for anything and anybody. Love freely, tY