First Comes _________ ?

Disclaimer: I am currently reading Kelly Cutrone's "If You Have to Cry Go Outside" and I just finished a chapter about motherhood and marriage.

Nonetheless, some of Cutrone's ideas about these things got me to thinking about my ideas about these things which got me to blogging...naturally. In my last post, I made a quick comment about our obsession to find "the one" and how is it even possible to think about finding the one until we find ourselves.

Why is it that we're so programmed to fit society's expectations of love?

Now, I'm not talking about whom we choose to love because that, too, is a different post entirely...if not an entire dissertation. But, I'm talking about expectations when it comes to "first comes love, then comes marriage..." Especially for women, we're taught to believe that life is about starting a career, falling in love and settling down, getting married, having children, and living happily ever after...in that particular order. God forbid you have a child before you get married or get married at 50 and never have children or choose not to have children and/or get married. God forbid you do something...your way?

I think I was destined not to conform to these standards because throughout my life, I've been exposed to women who don't meet the criteria yet have perfectly happy and wonderful lives. My oldest sister is an amazing mother who's unmarried and unperturbed by this fact. My wonderful hairdresser who recently passed away didn't have children and wasn't married but owned a successful business and left an incredible legacy. My boss and, now after 2 years of working for her, mentor is married without children and vacations with her husband at least three times a year (ahh...the life I aspire to have.) You get the point.

I think it's our responsibility as women to challenge society's notions of what is right for our lives and, specifically, our love lives. Why do you keep telling yourself you have to be married by age 30? (I'm actually from the school of thought that you shouldn't marry until at least 30 so you have your shit together but that's just me.) What's going to happen if you aren't married by age 28 or don't have 2.5 children by age 30? Nothing. That's what's going to happen. Absolutely effing nothing. These arbitrary timelines and deadlines we give ourselves are an unnecessary mental burden. It's pathetic that our society frowns upon women who are older than 28 and are unmarried as if they're some sort of plague instead of something to be proud of. Meanwhile, there are people who are 25-30 who are married and would rather jump off a rootop than sit and have dinner with their spouse or talk to their kid so YOU tell ME how happy is happily ever after.

If I were to add to my collection of two tattoos, I would contemplate getting this expression (In English of course because that's the language I speak and I hate when people get tats in languages that they don't speak and then act like it's so cool when you don't even REALLY know what that shit says...but, per usual, I digress...): "This is YOUR life." Because, really, it's just that. The world is going to keep spinning whether you end up with one husband or 10 or o. And, if the world is going to keep spinning, there's no reason why yours should stop in the event that things don't go in that carved out order, or better yet, if some of the things don't happen at all.

In the words of Reggie Bush to Kim Kardashian when she started dating Miles Austin: Do you.

Love freely,
tY