Dating is a funny game.
Often times, when we think of relationships, we think of being in deep, that Savage Garden Truly Madly Deeply kind of stuff. And, if you get to that point, that is a really wonderful part of relationships.
But, what about the beginning?
The first conversations, the jitters you get...opening up to someone who knows nothing about your past. It's all a part of a cycle and it's easy to get caught up in heavy details in the beginning. But, in the end, all you can do is be yourself and enjoy the ride.
Every person you cross, if they hang around long enough and prove worthwhile, will be a story in your book.
So, start writing.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Dasani
Today, I watched an episode of the Real World New Orleans and Preston was avoiding calling his new love interest his boyfriend because he wasn't a fan of labels. Got me to thinking. Which got me to blogging.
Most of us don't take calling someone our boyfriend or girlfriend very lightly. It's a title that comes along with a huge commitment and a lot of responsibility and effort. The days of putting that label on someone after a few days or weeks are reserved for the immature "love" of middle school. But, why do we need the label?
I believe there are two theories when it comes to this idea. One theory maintains that until two people explicitly state the label, it does not exist and you are free to do as you please. The other theory maintains that some relationships just fall into relationships and there is an implied understanding between two people.
There are pros and cons to both theories. If we see relationships as a precept before marriage, wouldn't we want them to be explicitly stated? It's not as though "I pronounce you husband and wife" can be implied by some reverend somewhere in the air. But, for some people, labels are scary and they suddenly force them to act differently. They are cumbersome and unnecessary.
If in fact you believe in labels, my hope is that you believe in them for yourself and not for the fact that you want to have "in a relationship" as your Facebook status. And, if in fact you do not believe in them, I hope you know that just because something isn't labeled doesn't mean it can't be unlabeled. Meaning, if you fall into a pretty solid relationship without ever calling the other person your significant other, it's still a breakup if you break up. Make sense, kids?
Some things do deserve to be explicitly stated, especially to make sure both parties are on the same page. But, at the end of the day, a bottle of water is still a bottle of water whether there's a blue Dasani sticker on it or not. The Dasani sticker (or Fiji or Deerpark or whatever you drink) only makes it more recognizable and appealing to others. But, when you ingest it, you know what it is.
Love freely,
tY
Most of us don't take calling someone our boyfriend or girlfriend very lightly. It's a title that comes along with a huge commitment and a lot of responsibility and effort. The days of putting that label on someone after a few days or weeks are reserved for the immature "love" of middle school. But, why do we need the label?
I believe there are two theories when it comes to this idea. One theory maintains that until two people explicitly state the label, it does not exist and you are free to do as you please. The other theory maintains that some relationships just fall into relationships and there is an implied understanding between two people.
There are pros and cons to both theories. If we see relationships as a precept before marriage, wouldn't we want them to be explicitly stated? It's not as though "I pronounce you husband and wife" can be implied by some reverend somewhere in the air. But, for some people, labels are scary and they suddenly force them to act differently. They are cumbersome and unnecessary.
If in fact you believe in labels, my hope is that you believe in them for yourself and not for the fact that you want to have "in a relationship" as your Facebook status. And, if in fact you do not believe in them, I hope you know that just because something isn't labeled doesn't mean it can't be unlabeled. Meaning, if you fall into a pretty solid relationship without ever calling the other person your significant other, it's still a breakup if you break up. Make sense, kids?
Some things do deserve to be explicitly stated, especially to make sure both parties are on the same page. But, at the end of the day, a bottle of water is still a bottle of water whether there's a blue Dasani sticker on it or not. The Dasani sticker (or Fiji or Deerpark or whatever you drink) only makes it more recognizable and appealing to others. But, when you ingest it, you know what it is.
Love freely,
tY
Friday, September 3, 2010
Let's Talk About Sex
Alright, listen. I'm going to start talking about sex. This blog is my child. I own it. I rant and rave about it to strangers. I sometimes neglect it (parents shouldn't do that but um they probably do) and I give it all of my attention and love, most of the time. So, I've decided to start talking about sex.
I haven't breached the topic of sex explicitly because it's a pretty sticky subject (ooo, no pun intended) for me, for you, and probably even for Obama. (Sorry, he was in my dream last night...I was babysitting his children...anyway, I digress). And, I like writing about love, this universal intangible thing that's either our best friend or our worst enemy. And, love will always be my first priority on this thing so don't get too excited because you saw the word es ee ex.
But, I got to thinking that sex and love go hand in hand. And, THEN I got to thinking...well, do they?
Welcome to today's blog post, kids.
I think this idea that sex and love go hand in hand varies from person to person, relationship to relationship, men to women, etc. I won't give you my personal take on this at the moment because I don't want to skew this post too much. I've just observed that more and more, my generation (that I love to harp on so much) is trying to become masters of the casual hookup, completely negating the idea that sex is some powerful, earth shattering entity between two people who are crazy in love. I really don't think people my age go out on dates anymore. Goodness gracious.
Whether or not you think sex and love should go hand in hand is your business. I've heard stories on the radio about people who hook up the first night they meet and 3 years later, get married. I believe they are an exception to the rule but you are entitled to your opinion.
I will leave you with this thought. Sex. Love. Whether the two entities are married or not, know which one you're after. If it's the latter, you may have to hold out on the former for a bit. And, well, if it's the former...knock yourself out.
Love freely,
tY
I haven't breached the topic of sex explicitly because it's a pretty sticky subject (ooo, no pun intended) for me, for you, and probably even for Obama. (Sorry, he was in my dream last night...I was babysitting his children...anyway, I digress). And, I like writing about love, this universal intangible thing that's either our best friend or our worst enemy. And, love will always be my first priority on this thing so don't get too excited because you saw the word es ee ex.
But, I got to thinking that sex and love go hand in hand. And, THEN I got to thinking...well, do they?
Welcome to today's blog post, kids.
I think this idea that sex and love go hand in hand varies from person to person, relationship to relationship, men to women, etc. I won't give you my personal take on this at the moment because I don't want to skew this post too much. I've just observed that more and more, my generation (that I love to harp on so much) is trying to become masters of the casual hookup, completely negating the idea that sex is some powerful, earth shattering entity between two people who are crazy in love. I really don't think people my age go out on dates anymore. Goodness gracious.
Whether or not you think sex and love should go hand in hand is your business. I've heard stories on the radio about people who hook up the first night they meet and 3 years later, get married. I believe they are an exception to the rule but you are entitled to your opinion.
I will leave you with this thought. Sex. Love. Whether the two entities are married or not, know which one you're after. If it's the latter, you may have to hold out on the former for a bit. And, well, if it's the former...knock yourself out.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
He/She Cheated...Now What?
I must look to the heavens and express a little gratitude. Why? I've never (knock on wood) had a significant other cheat on me (well...at least to my knowledge.) So, my opinion on this issue is a little slanted but hey, isn't that why you read this because I have opinions?
Cutting to the chase: do you take a cheater back?
Now, I'm talking about the person you've been in a relationship so long that you can't even remember what life was like without them. This isn't just someone who you can or want to chuck easily. This is like life and death and sugar and spice and...I have no idea where I was going with that but you get the point.
As already stated, my advice does not come from a point of personal experience but rather a point of logic. And, my answer is, quite simply, no.
I do believe in the power of apologies and forgiveness. Trust me, I do. But, I also believe the level of trust that is breached once a person has cheated is irreconcilable. When a person cheats, the non cheater in the relationship could possibly have leverage over that other person and you can't live in a relationship with one ups. Meanwhile, the cheater spends the rest of the relationship's lifespan trying to prove him or herself and gain back the trust that they so easily tossed out the window.
Conclusion: cheating is a relationship's ultimate death sentence. Get ready to walk to the electric chair, folks.
And, so as not to end on such a morbid note, keep it in your pants unless your bf/gf tugs at your belt.
Love freely,
tY
Cutting to the chase: do you take a cheater back?
Now, I'm talking about the person you've been in a relationship so long that you can't even remember what life was like without them. This isn't just someone who you can or want to chuck easily. This is like life and death and sugar and spice and...I have no idea where I was going with that but you get the point.
As already stated, my advice does not come from a point of personal experience but rather a point of logic. And, my answer is, quite simply, no.
I do believe in the power of apologies and forgiveness. Trust me, I do. But, I also believe the level of trust that is breached once a person has cheated is irreconcilable. When a person cheats, the non cheater in the relationship could possibly have leverage over that other person and you can't live in a relationship with one ups. Meanwhile, the cheater spends the rest of the relationship's lifespan trying to prove him or herself and gain back the trust that they so easily tossed out the window.
Conclusion: cheating is a relationship's ultimate death sentence. Get ready to walk to the electric chair, folks.
And, so as not to end on such a morbid note, keep it in your pants unless your bf/gf tugs at your belt.
Love freely,
tY
Post 200!
What better way to celebrate my 200th post than by saying...
The blog is a book, bitch!
Yeah, you heard it right. All of my entries up until Dinnertime Pt 2 are now a book. It's exciting to see my work in print, if only for the shear enjoyment of showing it to my apartment guests.
Here's to the book, the blog, and most importantly, to love.
Love freely,
tY
The blog is a book, bitch!
Yeah, you heard it right. All of my entries up until Dinnertime Pt 2 are now a book. It's exciting to see my work in print, if only for the shear enjoyment of showing it to my apartment guests.
Here's to the book, the blog, and most importantly, to love.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Persona
We've all been there. You get into a relationship and that person is ooey gooey wonderfulness when they are with you. Then, all of a sudden he gets around his friends and it's like the person you dated and smothered with kisses has vanished. Who is this asshole?
If someone tells you they are the same person all the time with everyone, that person is lying. Call their bluff.
While the core of who we are should remain solid, we do change based on our environment and the people in it. So, what happens when your significant other seems to be a completely different person outside of your relationship bubble?
The relationship bubble is a beautiful warm yummy place. Relationships soften us. They make us vulnerable and they make us change. And, as great as the relationship bubble is, it's also important to see how your significant other functions when they are not just with you because chances are, the person will not always be with you. If you don't like what you see, address it. And, if it doesn't change...step.
Easier for you to make moves than to try and change someone.
So, go to that family BBQ. Go to the best friend's wedding. Get to know your boobear outside of the cuddle sessions in the boudoir.
Love freely,
tY
If someone tells you they are the same person all the time with everyone, that person is lying. Call their bluff.
While the core of who we are should remain solid, we do change based on our environment and the people in it. So, what happens when your significant other seems to be a completely different person outside of your relationship bubble?
The relationship bubble is a beautiful warm yummy place. Relationships soften us. They make us vulnerable and they make us change. And, as great as the relationship bubble is, it's also important to see how your significant other functions when they are not just with you because chances are, the person will not always be with you. If you don't like what you see, address it. And, if it doesn't change...step.
Easier for you to make moves than to try and change someone.
So, go to that family BBQ. Go to the best friend's wedding. Get to know your boobear outside of the cuddle sessions in the boudoir.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, August 9, 2010
Dinnertime Pt. 2
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It's no secret that being attractive helps you out in life. Ever heard of a little thing called the halo effect? Whether we admit it or not, we judge people based on their looks. And, as humans, I don't think we should be faulted for that. We've been conditioned that way. Physical attraction is pretty much the only basis we have for being attracted to someone right away because we always see a person before we hear them speak, laugh, etc.
So, what's the point of all this psychobabble? Well, my problem (and today's blog post) comes in when super attractive people think they can get away with being empty shells just because they are so hot. Unfortunately, your pretty brown eyes (hums mint condition) can't talk, make interesting points, or make someone laugh. Too many people think that being attractive should get them everything they want out of life...as if they shouldn't have to work for anything.
Well, wrong.
God willing, one day you'll be 65 and you won't be nearly as attractive as you are now (unless you're way more fortunate than the rest of us) and you will need something (aka a personality) to get you through. So, consider yourself lucky if you're blessed with good looks because they will help you out in life and that's not a problem. But, get a hobby. Find something interesting to talk about. Because, a personality will get you a lot further than your body and face combined.
Remember: a pretty face will get you to the dinner, but it won't get you through the dinner.
Love freely,
tY
It's no secret that being attractive helps you out in life. Ever heard of a little thing called the halo effect? Whether we admit it or not, we judge people based on their looks. And, as humans, I don't think we should be faulted for that. We've been conditioned that way. Physical attraction is pretty much the only basis we have for being attracted to someone right away because we always see a person before we hear them speak, laugh, etc.
So, what's the point of all this psychobabble? Well, my problem (and today's blog post) comes in when super attractive people think they can get away with being empty shells just because they are so hot. Unfortunately, your pretty brown eyes (hums mint condition) can't talk, make interesting points, or make someone laugh. Too many people think that being attractive should get them everything they want out of life...as if they shouldn't have to work for anything.
Well, wrong.
God willing, one day you'll be 65 and you won't be nearly as attractive as you are now (unless you're way more fortunate than the rest of us) and you will need something (aka a personality) to get you through. So, consider yourself lucky if you're blessed with good looks because they will help you out in life and that's not a problem. But, get a hobby. Find something interesting to talk about. Because, a personality will get you a lot further than your body and face combined.
Remember: a pretty face will get you to the dinner, but it won't get you through the dinner.
Love freely,
tY
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