A New Year's Kiss

A bit of a personal post here.

I'm always a bit nostalgic at the end of the year. It weirds me out that a whole year has gone by...a year that I will never ever get back. Hope I lived it to the fullest.

Nonetheless, if you visit this blog, you know the name of it is Free Love 2009. Well, 2009 is hours away from over but I am certainly keeping the year on the name. It pays homage to a lot of things about this year. This blog has become my lovechild and I'm grateful every day to have it as a creative outlet. I'm grateful for the people who enjoy reading my craziness. I'm grateful for the experiences, both personal and not so personal, that inspire me.

As the year draws to a close, I hope you are spending tonight with people you love. Maybe not a significant other, but simply people you love. I have been fortunate enough to spend the past few new years with 3 of the most amazing friends on the planet, always knowing that they will be there for me at any time and any hour during the year ahead.

Freelove2009 will only get bigger and better in 2010. A website perhaps? A book of love poetry on the way? The possibilities are endless.

Maybe, in the end, love is not free. Maybe it costs time, money, energy, devotion, and diligence. But, real love, love that knows no boundaries, can only work if you give it and give of yourself in the most free and vulnerable way possible.

2009, it has been real. It has been wonderful. It has been beautiful. It has been a year I will not soon forget.

Can't wait to cause more ruckus in 2010.

Happy 2010 to all. Consider this your new year's kiss.

Love freely,

tY

BFF.

Best friends are tough cookies.

Especially when they are of the female persuasion.

If you have ever liked a guy whose best friend is a girl, allow me to applaud you because it is not easy. Women are territorial and that level of leaving your mark only increases when they guy is a best friend.

Why are female best friends so protective of their guy best friend?

I do believe men and women can just be friends. However, I think girl best friends are ultra protective of their guy friends because they understand how women operate and consequently, they do not want their friend to get caught in a situation that they might have easily created themselves with another guy. Women understand one another and they understand that some women can be manipulative and deceiving.

OK, OK. Isn't that a great benefit of the doubt synopsis? Now, on to being real.

While men and women can just be friends, some women do subconsciously want their male best friend to one day be their groom. And, to some extent, can you blame them? After years of bonding with a person, those feelings are only natural. Also, some women are naturally very caddy and jealous. Unfortunate and sad, but true. So, it is instinctive for them to despise their boy's new girl because well, the new girl is not them.

In the end, harboring negative feelings for your boy's boo is counterproductive. Unless you can prove that she is an ax murderer, chances are he will take your opinion into consideration without letting your word be law. He will still think she's hot, cool, and possible gf material.

Everyone deserves a fair chance. No point in holding anything against the poor girl just because your guy friend has maybe seen her in her skivvies. So, stop trying to mark your territory and because then, you'll just be known as a female dog.

Love freely,
tY

You Think You Know...

Recently, I have read some of those "Things Guys Wish Girls Knew" lists on other blogs.

So, I figured I would write a "Things Girls Wish Guys Knew" list because the last time I checked, most guys are not omniscient. Not even close. Not even a little bit.

• You've got a big ego. We know. We heard the Beyonce song. But, humility goes a long way for all human beings.
• Mutual is our word of choice when it comes to intimate activities. It isn't all about you.
• Perhaps you can't take subtle or strong hints. OK, fair enough. But, listen!
• Nothing is our default response when you ask if something is wrong. Ask twice.
• Try harder. And, when you feel like you're trying hard, try even harder.
• Don't try to dance with us when Single Ladies comes on. Please.
• Good looks mean absolutely nothing if you don't have something intelligent to say.
• If we didn't wear high heels at least some of the time, you guys would cry like little babies so shut up and admit that you like a girl to sex it up every once in awhile. Yeesh.
• One text message goes a long way in our book.
• Can you cook? Because if you can, you are the equivalent of God. Enough said.
• We know you guys can hook up with pretty much anything that has mammary glands, but give us space on our ugly/fat/unattractive days and stop trying to get it in all of the time.
• PMS is a justifiable excuse for some things. It's like an out of body experience.
• We will spare you the details of Sex and the City if you spare us the details of the football game, unless of course we ask.
• We notice when you put effort into your wardrobe.
• Don't ask about our day if you really don't care.
• Chauvinism is fine...in moderation.
• If you dab on some cologne, oh you are definitely getting lucky tonight.
• We wince when we hear you guys use the B word.
• We really do care if your mom likes us.
• We hope your friends aren't complete idiots.
• We notice if you are a serial dater. Guys who can't stand to be single are just as bad as girls who can't stand it.
• Leave the effing every girl in the world up to Lil Wayne. We don't like diseases.
• Your best bet for a pick up line is "Hello. My name is________"
• We have bodily functions, too.
• Skinny jeans are cool. Anorexic jeans are not.
• "Shawty" is not a real word, let alone our name.
• If you tell us you will call back in 5 minutes, please don't call back 2 hours later. At that point, you are not doing us any favors. Unlike you, we do not have a warped sense of time.
• Trust us, you might want us to fake it. Cause, if we don't, your feelings will be hurt. And, well, sometimes you just aren't good. And, well, that's OK.
• If we ask if you need anything from the store, please do not give us your grocery list for the next two weeks.
• You guys are kind of known for cheating. So, do us a favor and just break up with us if you are going to cheat.
• Your ex-girlfriend sucks.
• And because she sucks, we do not want her to have any way to contact us. Because, if she's crazy, she will.
• You know, we really don't ask that much of you guys. Sometimes your heads are just too far up your arse to see that.
• But, we love you anyway.

Love freely,

tY

I Hate You So Much Right Now

I know, I know. Such a harsh title.

But, first and foremost, let me say Merry Christmas to all! It's been a wondrous day and I am proud to say Free Love is now on a business card, compliments of my sister who gave me cards as a Christmas present. Don't worry, I'm still definitely not official but hey, gotta fake it till you make it.

Now, as always, a blog post. Consider it my Christmas present to you.

Women are a handful at times. I can fairly say this because I am one. And, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, just sometimes, women love hating their friends' significant others.

A friend and I were discussing this last night because he rightfully said that while men tend to figure relationship issues out on their own, women have to run and vent to one another. Unfortunately, with that wonderful outlet comes the high possibility of degrading the guy you are talking about and skewing your friend's view of him.

Here's the problem. If you and your wonderful man friend get into an argument, once all is forgiven, you will probably move on and look forward to greener pastures. However, if in between fighting and forgiveness you vent to your friend, chances are your friend will internalize what happened and change her mind about the guy. In the end, her view will be one-sided, biased, and about 99% wrong. But, because it is her view, she will stick to it, believing you are messing up, making a mistake, and hanging out with the wrong guy.

Listen, don't get me wrong. When poisonous behavior is a chronic problem, your view should probably change. Some guys are just plain bad. However, most friends, couples, etc. argue. I like to think a little bit of disagreement is healthy in moderation. No, you shouldn't create screaming matches just for the sake of it, but it is OK to disagree and sometimes, it escalates to an argument. Just a test of your wits, passion, and forgiveness.

In the end, while it is nearly impossible for most women, I think we should try to give ourselves what I am going to call a 5 minute moment. After you have slammed the phone in your boyfriend's ear, wait. Five minutes. I know it is difficult. But wait five minutes before telling anyone anything. You would be surprised how much you can figure out in that five minutes and how much you can decide to leave out if and when you relay the story to your friend.

Give the poor shmuck some credit. He can't be all that bad. And, when he gives you a dozen roses on your birthday, you want your friends to be happy for you and not say, "But remember when he..." So, to my ladies, remember that there are two sides to every story. Your friend wrote one part, her man friend wrote another, and well, you're just the reader.

Merry Christmas to all.

Love freely,
tY

The eve of Christmas

I'm not inspired to write anything too witty tonight. I just hope you are with people you love. The holidays have this uncanny way of making people crave love, specifically a significant other, and I say ahh nonsense. Sure, curling up by the Christmas tree and exchanging presents is fabulous and fun. And, I think if you have a special person around this special time, you are blessed beyond what you could ever think. But, if you do not, I hope you have a family or friends or both who love you just the same. Because if you do, well kid, you're pretty blessed, too.

...and to all a goodnight.

Love freely,

tY

21.

I try to keep my blog open in hopes that anyone can find some solace in some of these words. But, I decided to be playful tonight and reveal a little bit about myself in a game of 21 questions about love. Let's do thisssss.

1)Single or Taken?--Single, as you can probably guess from some of my posts.
2) Are you happy with where you are?--I don't know any other way to live but to be happy.
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?--Yes, although I will not admit it to myself.
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?--Um, duh.
5) Would you ever take back a cheater?--Once a cheater, always a cheater. Read the post.
6) Have you talked about marriage with another person?--Not seriously.
7) How do you feel about FWB?--No comment. :))
8) Do you want children?--I suppose.
9) How many?--1? 2 max.
10) Would you consider adoption?--Yes, in fact I probably will.
11) If somebody liked you right now,what do you think is a cool way to let you know?--The only way to let me know is by being yourself.
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?--Playing is for small children. I am hard to get.
13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?--No, perhaps lust or like, but not love.
14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?--Yes, if both parties partake. I don't approve of only the girl getting showered with gifts.
15) Do you believe that you can change someone?--Influence, yes. Encourage, yes. Change, no.
16) Do you believe in soulmates?--Yes, it is the way of the world.
17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?--Ohh, you thought I would answer this.
18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?--Of course.
19) Have you ever broken a heart?--I doubt it.
20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?--Fighting is for boxers.
21) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?--You're pretty cool now. You always were. But I can def see that 4 years later.

Love freely,
tY

In need of good conversation

Sometimes, these posts have a common pattern. This post will not be any different.

I really miss curling up and having a great conversation with someone. Sometimes, I feel people these days lack substance. It's become as simple as "Oh, you look good, let's hook up," and people's intellectual capabilities are completely dismissed. But, I think there is something priceless about someone who has something to say. Someone who is talented and shares that. Someone who is trying to get into your mind and not into another place. Yeesh.

A friend and I once talked about "selling points:" things that make a woman more dateable. Intellect should be so high, if not first, on that list. And, it is no different for men.

Perhaps I am saying all of this because I have been home for only 2 days and I'm already craving a good book...I can only watch so much reality TV or reruns of The Nanny. I just think people should engage interests beyond material or surface things. Makes for a much more beautiful world.

Guess if I can't find the good conversation I'm craving, I'll just have to stock up at the library.

Love freely,
tY

The Sky is the Limit

Motivation is a sexy thing.

In light of the end of the semester, final exams, grades, and everything else that encompasses that, I figured it would be a good idea to write about this positive correlation (woo, there goes my research methods knowledge still filtering into my life) between how motivated a person is and their "hotness" factor.

OK, I'm sure social scientists have not proven my theory yet. Nonetheless, there is something undeniably sexy about a person who has motivation, goals, and a work ethic. Sure, not everyone looks for these attributes in a potential mate. But, perhaps these positive things say more about a people beyond their GPA. Maybe a hard work ethic or an unwillingness to give up show us that a person will put that same sort of effort into every aspect of a relationship. Again, social scientists haven't proven that. But, they're working on it. Trust me, folks.

In the end, the true lure of a goal-oriented potential mate is that the person has a life. At the end of the day, the person will have something to say, something to talk about, something to be passionate about other than you and your interests. And, everyone needs that. People who make their entire lives about their mate pose a serious danger to the relationship by investing their all in a person instead of depositing some of that love into themselves.

Of course the downside is that if you find someone who is too obsessed with their future goals, they could neglect the relationship altogether. Pick and choose wisely, I guess.

It is easy to settle for a pretty face or someone who simply offers a good time. And, while those things may be important, they are certainly not everything. If you're in it for the long haul, remember beauty is only skin deep. If your potential mate can't see the sky as the limit, perhaps it is time to get with it or get lost.

Love freely,
tY

Speak.

I know I harp on my generation a lot in this blog. Just a little disclaimer: Generation, I do love you. I'm a part of you, despite my old soul, so I have no choice but to love you.

But, I think my generation has lost the art of communication.

Last week, one of my professors stressed the importance of communication in her last lecture. It struck me because people in general, but particularly people my age, don't know what it means to communicate. It has become this buzzword just like diversity or recession. They are words that we throw around in everyday language while still struggling to understand the principles that exist at the core of the words.

In an effort to prolong my procrasination last night, I browsed through a few blogs and realized people air a lot of their dirty laundry on blogs. They "speak" to people who have hurt them, misused them, and toyed with their emotions, not only through words on a blog, but also through just pictures and videos.

Why don't we talk anymore?

The convenience of Facebook, email, Twitter, texting, and a gazillion other things that meant absolutely nothing 4 or 5 years ago (well...maybe more like 8 yrs ago if we're talking abt texting) have caused many of us to stop using our words. Sure, I'm a fan of using technology to vent. I mean, it's what I do everyday on this thing. But, when it comes to deeper emotional matters, maybe we should speak. Thanking someone for a night of great sex (example I am using here, just an example I stumbled upon last night) or "telling" them not to only think of us as a one night stand via a blog are not real forms of communication. Because, way back in a little class called COMM107, I learned that a message goes from the sender to the INTENDED receiver. If your message is for one person, send it that person.

As much as mediated communication has helped our lives in the past decade or so, it has also destroyed our ability to feel and then take the next step and properly communicate those feelings. Words blur everything that they do not make clear and adding the element of technology only smokes the surface more.

Use your words.

Love freely,
tY

Top 10

I have started to read some "Top Lists of the 2000s" and while I would typically reserve such a list for closer to the end of the year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon.

So,

Top 10 Things I Learned About Love in the 2000s:

10) Your friends will be there for you when he screws up...because he will screw up.
9) The first guy you like may not be the first guy you love. But, you will mistaken him as such.
8) Don't go on vacation with your ex less than a week after breaking up. You will pretend things are fine while really it will be one of the most awkward experiences of your life.
7) You have to let people love, heal, and learn in their own time. It is a sign of maturity to let go of your friends' decisions from a moral standpoint and still support them.
6) Kissing is awesomeeeee.
5) You will never get the time back that you wasted on guys (or even just people) who contributed nothing to your growth or well-being. Choose wisely.
4) Being single is OK. Being in a relationship is OK, too. Being happy is the most important thing.
3) You need guy friends who are strictly friends. They will give relationship advice to you straight, no chaser.
2) Your first love will shake you to your core. It will have no limits. And, that is what makes it amazing.
1) If you don't love yourself, truly embrace who you are during the good times and the not-so-good times, constantly make an effort to accomplish things, grow, and change, none of the 9 things listed above will ever matter.

And, here are some extras that didn't make the cut:
*Sometimes, your dad can give really crazy good relationship advice.
* Family is the most unparalled source of love you can receive sometimes.
*When he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, he DOESN'T want a girlfriend.
*Some relationships in your life will never have an official title. They will defy the boundaries of what it means to be a friend or a girlfriend. But, they will still be valuable relationships.
* When you say "I'm over it," those three words could not be the furthest thing from the truth. If you have to say it to mean it, you don't mean it at all.
*Good things come to those who wait.
* Having a set of values, especially when it comes to this crazy world of relationships, can really help you stand your ground.
* He's out there. Just you wait.

Love freely,
tY

Change of Pace

Sometimes, you just need something a little bit different. Sometimes, you have been in the same place for so long that you need to leave, explore, and break free. Maybe you will return to that same something in the end. Maybe you will find something new and never look back. No matter what, sometimes you just need a change of pace.

Love freely,
tY

Junk Food

First off, if you are a University of Maryland student and you finished classes for the Fall 2009 semester, I need to give you props. Well, if you are just a student in general, props to you too. There is something oddly fulfilling about finishing classes for the semester--odd in the regard that we are celebrating while finals are dangling over our heads like a 100 pound brick but hey, we finished the potentially hardest part. Papers and final projects kept me away from my baby (this blog) this week and it feels good to return (if only for a day or two until I buckle down and begin studying.)

On to today's topic.

Most guys I meet hates Cosmopolitan.

Most girls I meet love Cosmopolitan.

These two facts would not matter if it were not for the fact that Cosmopolitan is a magazine for women about men.

Sometimes, Cosmo is a guilty pleasure for my friends and I as we indulge in other people's misfortunes of hookups gone wrong and terrible kissers.

Other times, Cosmo is some sort of unofficial girl bible for us as we nod furiously while reading about "The 10 Signs That He's Just not That Into You" or "Things That Will Ruin a Relationship."

But, how seriously should we take Cosmo...really?

If you have ever used some of the magazine's advice in a real life situation, you can easily find that the advice is not 100% destined to work. In fact, it is (well, in my case) about 90% destined to fail you. I personally believe this percentage is because Cosmo puts all of the emphasis on the power a female has in situations (namely sexual situations, but hey relationships work, too) and forgets that men have egos, and...wait for it...feelings. Cosmo is like the girl who has her entire wedding planned, from the floral arrangements to the material of her dress without taking into account that she is missing the husband. And, I mean, you never know, your husband might want purple flowers, not pink.

And, hey, Cosmo, if a man isn't doing something right, he PROBABLY does not want his girl to tell him right then and there. I'm just saying. Not like I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.

Also, I could jump on my feminist soap box for a minute and argue that women are more than just sex and Cosmo defeats its exact purpose of trying to empower women because it only writes about sex, pleasure, and lust in about 99.95% of its articles but hey, that is just the hypocritical feminist in me who still picks the glossy pages up while in line at Target speaking.

I've ranted a bit in this post so allow me to clean everything up. The point is, like most things in life (such as this blog), if you are a woman who reads the magazine, take everything Cosmo says with a grain of salt and do not try to actually implement the magazine's advice (OK that only speaks for Cosmo...my blog advice might actually work) because you could end up with a disastrous, unfortunate, or just plain awkward situation on your hands.

Now, drink to that.

Love freely,

tY

Case of the Ex

Who you have been with says a lot about who you were, who you are and who you no longer want to be.

Exes always present an interesting situation. Let's not call them skeletons. Let's call them clothes in the closet that are always there, no matter how much we push them to the back and forget about them. As the months and years wear on, we put on new clothes, outgrow other garments, and just decide that we don't look good in some things anymore. Sometimes we buy shirts and only wear them once and sometimes we can't quit wearing our favorite jeans, despite their holes and imperfections.

People acquire a colorful and unique history because of their past significant others. Perhaps not everyone has a string of long term relationships, but most people at least have a string of previous emotional investments, hookups, breakdowns, friends with benefits, etc. If not, live a little longer. It is inevitable.

When is it OK to revisit the past and throw on something you haven't worn in awhile?

Some people are fortunate enough not to end things on a bad note. Others are not as lucky. It really just varies based on the situation. Nevertheless, our pasts exist and there are times when it is perfectly OK to confront them from a more mature and objective standpoint. We can become so easily inundated by emotions in a relationship that we forget we are dating a person, a human being with feelings and flaws. Maybe it's OK to return later and be able to see people for who they are and not who we wanted them to be or who we made them out to be.

Of course, there are times when it's not worth putting on the old clothes. Some things are plain outdated and ugly.

Be wise about your decision and stay stylish. Some vintage garments are timeless; others should be taken to the thrift store for someone else to pick up.

Love freely,
tY

Still Got It

So, I was inspired to write this posts a few days ago but apparently I am a student and this is the worst time of year to do anything that doesn't involve studying, writing papers, or complaining about grades.

But, I digress.

While I was in the library a few nights ago, I heard two guys talking, one of whom mentioned he had a girlfriend. This same guy later mentioned getting another girl's number and wanting to talk to her.

"What about your girlfriend?" his friend asked, mirroring my exact thoughts.

"Sometimes, you just gotta know you still have it," he replied.

How necessary is the desire to still feel wanted and attracted by people other than your significant other?

Relationships are...well, I could end this sentence a million different ways, in fact I probably have during the course of this blog. But, today, I'm going to say relationships are beautiful. It is so reassuring to have someone think you're one of the most amazing people on the planet, tell you how gorgeous you are, and show it to you on the regular (you know what I'm saying.) But, that is also the kind of appreciation that becomes routine. Sometimes, it is reaffirming to know that a stranger thinks you are smoking hot. Because, well, we all need that.

But, how far should people go to get this sort of reaffirmation? Too often, people seek that reassurance from strangers and end up getting their hand too close to the fire. In other words, they either emotionally or physically cheat. It sums up the idea that sometimes you just don't know what you've got till it's gone. A flirty text, a hot hookup, or a second glance from a complete stranger are usually not equal to the love, appreciation, and admiration of a significant other.

So, if you're eye begins wandering hoping that a stranger's eye is looking back, maybe you should think twice and just ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to give it to you extra good that night. I mean love, of course.

Love freely,
tY