Cutting the heartstrings

First, my apologies for the lack of posts recently. Blame ridiculous computer viruses for sickening my laptop. Don't fret, free love is still my baby and I plan on doing a lot of catching up.

OK, on to today's topic.

Steve Harvey has a new book entitled, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man." I haven't actually read the book yet (I'm not sure if I will, I don't know how much I trust relationship advice from a stand up comedian. Then again, you're reading MY blog and I have 2% life experience so let's be real.)

Although I haven't read it, I would presume there's something about not letting oneself always get emotionally attached (a sometimes fatal error that women are known for making.) And, if there's not a point in the book, my argument is that most women believe that having a "penis mentality" means knowing when and where to separate the physical from the emotional.

So, is it possible to emotionally detach ourselves or to never emotionally attach in the first place?

And, if it's possible, is it a good thing to do?

Usually, emotionally detaching is the result of a scar. Maybe it's our first love who broke our heart or a hookup partner whom we just fell too hard for but whatever the case, if and when we decide to put physical before emotional, it's usually because at some point we put emotional before physical and experienced terrible results.

But, not all scars are damaging. They are all unique with different origins yet they all represent the same thing: I did this and experienced a consequence, whether for better or worse.

Of course, there's the double standard: if a woman separates physical needs from emotional ones, she's deemed as being promiscuous (for lack of a host of other words that could be used.) If a man separates physical from emotional, he's perfectly normal.

Or, if a woman separates physical from emotional it's assumed that she's hiding her emotions or covering them with physical behavior.

The second assumption is almost more offensive than the first because it deems a person as being emotionally immature and not knowing how to handle their feelings when really, it could mean that a person recognizes their sentiments and chooses to act accordingly. And, while sometimes this assumption may be true, it's best to take a person at their word if they tell you they're not emotionally attached until they give you a reason not to trust that.

It's also slightly empowering to let a man know that you're not super glued to him by emotions, especially if he doesn't feel that way about you. It's healthy to recognize what the situation is and what it is not. It's confident, independent, and sexy.

In the end, it's perfectly fine for a woman (or a man but for the sake of this argument, I'm speaking about women) to physically attach without carrying emotions that coincide if it's healthy and not an ulterior motive for something else. As long as you have boundaries and are simultaneously having a good time, other people should smile and keep going without forming opinions about your life. Of course, there will be a time and a place for experiencing emotion and opening up but not every man you meet will need to be on the receiving end of that.

Sometimes, it's OK to grab the scissors, cut the heartstrings, and just ride.

Love freely,
tY