Abode destroyer

First off, my apologies for the hiatus. Blame the five papers I slaved over this past week.

Anyway, in honor of a pretty good movie that I just saw, Obsessed (side bar: go see it. best cat fight to date) today's topic is about...yes, you guessed it...the other woman.

Because I have zero experience in this area, here are excerpts from an account from an MSNBC woman who was well, the other woman. And, here's the link if you're interested in reading more other woman accounts: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15750123/

"Five years later, he is still there and I am still the mistress. We've both tried to end the relationship over the years, but somehow our attraction for each other has made it hard to let go. "

"But now I've accepted the fact he is never going to leave his wife and it's really not a problem for me any longer. And I know he loves her. But why does he keep pursuing me? The passion we share when we make love is unbelievable. No one has ever made me feel so good.
I’m not sure I even want him to leave her, because if he is cheating on his wife he would cheat on me, too. Do I love this man? I can say that a part of me always will, but not the way I once did. I just really wish I could get past this situation and have a normal relationship that would last."

The last sentence in this account is by far the most important. If you're dating someone who is already taken, you are not in a normal relationship. Contradiction, other woman. Contradiction.

According to womenshealth magazine, the other woman is not necessarily psychotic (Ali Larter did a terrific job in the movie btw), desperate, or socially impaired. In fact, according to the magazine, the other woman could be you. (insert your defense here.) In a poll conducted by the magazine, 79% of women said they would never fool around with a married man yet 46% said they had. Well, there's a slight discrepancy.

Ok, enough with the stats. What does it all come down to?

No matter what we say, we never know what we would do until we're forced into the situation. If you got along really well with a married co-worker and maybe had one too many drinks (start humming Jamie Foxx "Extravaganza" here) you don't know what you would do. And, yes, maybe you wouldn't kiss him right there at the bar but even if you flirted with not so good intentions, you're heading into the other woman territory. You can SAY what you would do and hopefully you would adhere to that.

BUT.

No one likes a homewrecker. Let's just be real.

Obviously there are many things wrong with being the other woman. You're an accomplice in the destruction of a once healthy relationship. Also, I hear about a lot of "other women" speaking only about the passion aspect of the relationship. In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, where is the love? Oh, that's right. It's back in the comfort of his mansion with his wife and three kids. People will and do look for a good time anywhere they can find it.

But, the most offensive thing about being the other woman is the self-destruction it causes. No matter how great the fooling around is or how much he says he wants to be with you, if he wanted to be with you, he would. He would stop, drop, and divorce. You're not doing anything his wife can't do. We're all women. We've all got the same thing and with a little work, we've all got the same skills.

Ultimately, being second best only means one thing. You finish last.

If you're the other woman, you're really not much of a woman at all.

Love freely,
tY