Friend or Foe

If you're lucky enough in life, you get a few good friends.

You know, those friends who you call at 4am crying when you just got your heart broken, depend on to carry you home when you're insanely intoxicated after drowning your relationships sorrows in dirty martinis, and the ones whom you shamefully bash at when you tell them that despite all of his bad attributes, you hooked up with him again last night.

Everyone needs those friends. Life is virtually meaningless without those people in your life.

Chances are, you've been that friend to someone at some point in your life. You've been the one on the other end listening to her cry even though she woke you up or interrupted a serious cuddle session. You've let her spend the night in your bathroom after getting too drunk at the bar in an effort to forget about him. You've listened to her post breakup hookup stories and taken everything in stride. Because, chances are, she's done the same thing for you.

So, do we judge our friends?

Do we tell them what we REALLY think?

Judging a friend's situation does not mean you're judging your friend. If the person is truly your friend, you know them beyond their situation and appreciate them for who they are and not what they do. But, is it OK to tell them when we think something is a terrible idea or they are messing up big time?

The answer: probably not. Why? Because most likely your friend who has run back to her ex 50 times KNOWS she is messing up. And if she's fortunate enough to have some authority figure in her life (or if she just happens to know someone whom is condescending enough), someone else has condemned the behavior. That's why being a friend is so difficult. Because, as a friend, it's your job to be on her level and always remain equal. If you happen to blurt out "wow, that was stupid," you might damage your friend's decision to ever come to you again with anything. And, whether you admit it or not, being a confidante is something we pride ourselves on. No one wants to be unapproachable. But, there's always a tasteful way to state your opinion. However, being fair and being more of a listener than an advisor doesn't mean you're condoning the behavior if you disagree with it. It just means you know that if SHE knows she's not making the brightest choices, there's no need for you to reinforce it.

Relationships are sticky. But after the broken heart, one night stand, or drunken make out, your friend is still your friend. That's something you don't want to ruin by overstating your opinion. Be even. Play fair, kids. Don't condone what you don't accept and don't condemn what you're not informed about. You don't want to call your friend something that is not her birth name and go from friend to foe in 30 seconds flat.

Love freely,
tY