Happily Married...Oxymoron?

So marriage is something, even the most cynical nonbelievers such as myself, think about. It's a societal norm, an expectation, a hope, and an entity that quite frankly I have no business blogging about because it's the furthest thing from my mind at this moment. BUT, a friend and I were talking and it got me thinking which, of course, got me blogging.

Is anyone happily married anymore?

Our culture has thrown marriage into reality tv shows and magazines, making it seem like more of a commodity and less of a unique thing that combines love and a lot of work. This is why women my age, my young wonderful age of 21, know what their first song is going to be, who will design their dress, and what color roses they'll have in their bouquet. But, see, we're only obsessed with the wedding. The hard work, sleepless nights, and unexpected fights in public...we can't see far enough ahead for that. But, as always, I digress.

I'll ask again: is anyone happily married anymore?

Personally, I'm of the school of thought that marriage is not natural. One person for the majority of your life defies human nature in my eyes. Now, maybe those are just young-I-am-at-the-point-in-life-where-I-just-want-to-do-me-and-have-fun eyes, but hey, take it for what it's worth. Now, this doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage. It's a beautiful thing. But, I can say the number of effed up unsuccessful marriages/divorces I've seen or heard of far outshines the number of happy marriages.

A friend of mine once told me marriage is a lot of luck. I can't help but agree. I think love is vital to a marriage but people can change so much over the course of their lives that, at some point, you have to believe something just as crazy and out-of-control as love (such as luck) comes along and helps out.

Of course there are people who are happily married. I love those old couples who still hold hands in the grocery store. I mean, I don't walk behind them because they're moving too slowly but I do admire them.

I don't have any solid conclusions about marriage. I'm not supposed to; I'm 21. And, I think even if and when I'm ever married, I still won't know what I'm doing. And, maybe there in lies the beauty of it. Knowing you'll never have all of the answers but not being afraid to ask the questions anyway.

I don't know what that means but it kind of worked.


Love freely,
tY

More than a beso

Happy November, ladies and gentlemen. Hope your Halloween 2k10 was a success.

I don't know if I've blogged about this before...if I have, forgive me.

Often times, when we think of cheating, we think of a physical act--kissing someone else, having sex with someone else, etc. And, in my humble opinion which is the only one that matters on this blog, those things certainly qualify as cheating. But, as my friends and I have recently discussed, there is such a thing as emotional cheating.

So, what's worse...a kiss with a stranger or an emotional connection with a new found friend?

Some people would say cheating is cheating. Others, like myself, would say there are different levels of cheating. A drunken kiss with some person you don't know at a club doesn't hit as high on the scale as building a connection/intense flirtation with a "friend."

The thing is, we don't want to see past cheating as purely physical, especially when we are in relationships. However, hanging out with someone, texting them frequently, laughing, and establishing an emotional bond can be more detrimental to a relationship than just making out with some harlot on the dance floor one night. No, the drunken kiss isn't excusable, but perhaps it is far more forgivable than giving your time and attention to someone else.

Cheating, kids. It's not as simple as it seems.

Hmm...sounds like a tag line for an after school special. :pats self on back:

Love freely,
tY

I Have to Call This Post Los Angeles. I just have to.

Whoa, 12 days since I last blogged? Whaaaat.

I could blog about a lot of things right now. I flew 3,000 miles away from everything that was comfortable to me last weekend, fell in love with beautiful LA (note: that may become my permanent home...at least in my 20s...), and learned that life is just not as serious as I've been making it out to be all these years.

So, I will blog based on a combination of Los Angeles (aka debauchery at its finest) and a quote I saw on Tumblr yesterday:

"Inside all of us there is a wild thing."

This blog is about a pretty serious entity--love. But, on the road to finding our soulmate, there are a lot of stops, bumps, road blocks, and adventures. When I think about my spring break trip to NOLA, half of the stories and memories we made came from stopping at thee sketchiest rest stops and, at times, being afraid for our lives in the midst of gas stations with deer heads, southern drawls, and plaid shirts. No joke.

Eventually, we made it to NOLA. But, the memories we made on the way there and on the way back are some of the ones that stuck with me the most. We could've been 9 strangers sitting in a car only focused on getting to the Big Easy, never talking and only stopping when someone had to pee like a race horse. Instead, we talked, we stopped even when it wasn't really necessary, and we crafted our own story.

The road to love or whatever you want your end result to be is pretty much the same way. You can only focus on getting something serious and ignore any possible detours. But, as someone who once felt the way, I will tell you that's not very fun. To borrow from another quote (so full of quotes today), life is about the people you meet and the memories you create with them. So start creating.

Do dumb things (just remember to wrap it up, kids.). Kiss people whose last names you don't know. Make a complete fool of yourself. Because, this is your life and it's your story to write and I don't want to read anything that has a great last chapter and 30 boring chapters preceding it.

Love freely,
tY

Garments

It's late. I don't feel like doing this homework. Let's blog.

Sometimes, I think people treat other people/dating like clothing. Here are a few reasons why:

• You know that pair of jeans you just can't get rid of? That pair of jeans that has holes all over the place with frayed bottoms yet you continue to wear them because you've had them forever? Everyone has that person who is that pair of jeans. They needed to go a long time ago but something about them is so comfortable and familiar that you can't seem to part ways.
• I bought a skirt a month or so ago even after a friend warned me I was never going to wear it. Some people seem good in theory but you know you're never actually going to hang with them...you just like to have them there in case you want to bring out something new but chances are, you never will.
• Sometimes, I see a dress and think "Adorable, but I can't pull it off." Now, you can look at this analogy one of two ways. Way 1 is if you have the confidence, you can pull off anything and no one will be able to call your bluff. Meaning go up to that hot guy and act like flirting with hot guys is your day job. You do it and you do it well. Or, this analogy could mean know what you want. Similar to my aforementioned skirt, just because something is hot on the rack doesn't mean it's going to translate well for you. There are a lot of hot clothes (or men) but that doesn't mean they are meant for everyone. I agree with both of these analogies, bee tee dubs.
• I bought a cardigan over the summer and just knew it would last me for fall. I wore it one time to work and it got a hole (and um I don't have a sewing kit so...). Sometimes, you just know you've snatched up something good and out of the blue, it flops. Best to pile it up in your dirty laundry and find the next best cardigan. You can try sewing up that hole but it'll never be the same as the original.
• I have had a pile of dry cleaning sitting in a bag since I finished my summer internship. It needs to go to the cleaners but I've gotten so good at getting it out of sight that I often times forget about it...until I pass Zips. Similar to the "cleaning your closet" analogy/cliche, everyone has that pile of dry cleaning, that string of unfinished business that just has to go. Every now and again, sort through it and clean some things up.
• A little black dress or a classic pair of red pumps. These things never go out of style. They will stay in your closet forever and you will make use of them. You want to be a LBD or a pair of red pumps meaning you want your personality to carry you long after the trends have gone away. You want to be timeless.
• Some people are only after trends. They only want the latest thing on the runway and as soon as it's a month old, they are looking for the next trend. Some people spend their entire dating life chasing the next best thing, and even though they have a closet full of clothes that were cool at one time, that closet has no value because they don't put it to use. They only want what's brand new.
• Pair of Louboutins. Every girl wants a pair (myself included even though I try not to care about name brands, but you can't resist those red bottoms.) But, they are expensive and it may take you years to save for them. But, once you get them, there's no going back to DSW. Every girl needs her Louboutin man. You may wait years for him but once you get him, you know you've gotten something special and you aren't going back to the Payless men.

I am now oddly in the mood to do some online window shopping. So much for this homework.

Love freely,

tY

Modern Day Chivalry

Is chivalry dead?

Ok, that isn't what this post is about at all but hopefully it got your attention and you're still reading because it kind of relates to what I'm about to say. That was a long sentence.

Based on some of my observations and personal experiences (aka the things this blog is made of) women too often expect men to initiate interactions. Now, contrary to my theory that the person who initiates is most interested (which I will write about at another time), sometimes I think women need to get off their high horses and initiate things with men.

See, I like being proactive. Waiting around hoping that a guy you like is telepathic and knows how cute you think he looks in that cardigan is completely pointless. Yet, women, unbeknownst to themselves, do this crap day after day and it's silly.

If you like something, you get up and get it. The worst he will do is say no or ignore your advances and hopefully you are smart enough to take the hint before you resemble a babbling idiot.

Now, just a note. When, I say go after what you want, I don't mean go to his apartment and be one of those really cupcakey girls or start taking your garments off. I mean be yourself. Say hello. Start a conversation. I know these things seem impossible for people our age, but I promise you...they work.

Love freely,
tY

Status Schmatus.

We live in 2010. We have videos at our fingertips on YouTube, we can connect with people we knew in elementary school on Facebook, and for pretty much anything under the sun...there's an app for that.

So, it struck me as both surprising and unfortunate when I had a conversation with a friend of mine about how socioeconomic status has caused the demise of some relationships.

Now, this issue may or may not be near and dear to my heart for those who know me well. But, I didn't know it was something that other people my age also dealt with. I thought it was this unique monster--apparently the Boogeyman is under more than one bed.

Picture this pretty simple scenario: Girl and boy meet. Girl and boy fall in love. Girl comes from a family of wealth and prestige...doctors, lawyers, the whole nine. Boy comes from a modest blue-collar family. Girl's parents do not approve of boy because of his background, independent of knowing who boy is.

This crap sounds like it should've died in 1910.

Yet, a century later, it's still rearing its ugly head.

There's a basic principle here: what you come from should not determine who you are who you become. It's the good ol' nature vs. nurture argument, folks. And, more importantly, what you come from shouldn't dictate who you can and can't love.

Now, I am a realist. I understand that marriages do not survive on ooey gooey love alone. But, there are also plenty of million dollar couples who don't last. Marriage is a partnership based on so many different entities, but love is by far the most important one of all. If your family comes from money, awesome. Please enjoy that privilege. And if your family is a bit of a mess, awesome. Use it as more motivation to get ahead. But, when it comes to love, those things really shouldn't matter.

I would say we live in 2010.

But, hey, maybe we still don't.

Love freely,

tY

Movie Night

So, what I write on this blog is often times a compilation of observations and personal experiences. In this case, it is not. Here is a theory brought to you by my good friend (and Free Love's Loveghost) that I thought was screaming to be shared on this social media outlet known as my blog.

Girls are like movies.

Oh, I'm so excited for this one.

Again, girls are like movies.

1) Redbox girls: It's a Friday night and you're bored. You walk down to 7/11 and get a movie from Redbox. You watch it and you return it the next day. You know how Redbox works. A Redbox girl is just that. She's cheap, you take her home for one night only, and you return her to her rightful place the next day. No hassle, little charge, and not ever worth keeping and paying the extra money (or time) for having her any longer than 24 hours.

2) Netflix girls: You know how Netflix works. You can keep a movie as long as you'd like but you have to return it to get a new one. Netflix girls are tricky--you can't decide if they deserve to be kept for longer than a few days but you don't know if it's worth keeping them around when there are so many other alluring options out there.

3) Big screen girls: Ideally, ladies, you want to be in this category. You know when you see a preview and it's one of those movies that you HAVE to go to the theater to see? Like, you can't wait for the DVD or the Internet version--you have to have it and you'll pay as much money as necessary. Big screen girls are the same way--they require time and effort but the experience of being with them is worth it.

So, there you have it. The movie theory. I think this one is pretty timeless.

Grab the popcorn, please.

Love freely,

tY