We throw around the word "connect" a lot when it comes to relationships. "We lost a connection." "I feel a disconnect."
Last night, a friend and I discussed how some women connect with men primarily on a physical level. It's funny that our society automatically pins men as the ones who only connect physically. However, the wrong word in that statement is "connect." Men can be (not always, let me not generalize) the ones who act physically. But, actions do not equal connections.
Unfortunately, many women primarily connect physically. They speak in high-pitched voices and hit men playfully on their arms. Don't you have anything to SAY?
I've found that my mouth sometimes gets me into trouble but it also faciliates some of the best connections and relationships. As I've mentioned in many previous posts, we need to speak. Those connections are much less fleeting and much more accurate in terms of how well we work with another homo sapien.
Love freely,
tY
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Basics.
I've abandoned free love, what a tragedy. I must return to my roots.
Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I ran into a cashier whom I see often. He is good looking in an easy and simple sort of way. I'm usually cordial because I believe in being cordial to strangers. Yesterday, we chatted for a bit and I got a pure and genuine vibe from him. He asked about my day (which had been hectic) and we even talked about my internship.
It was refreshing. There didn't seem to be some sort of hidden agenda. There wasn't any "Hey baby" or "What's good, shawty?" He actually asked me for my name.
I am sure our interactions will be limited to the dimly lit checkout aisles at Shoppers, but he made a crazy day a little bit better and I appreciate him for that. I think too many people today lack the trait of being genuine. We don't talk and we want instant hookups. We don't respect others and in doing so, we don't respect ourselves. I cannot preach because I, too, have been consumed in the superficialities of my generation. Nonetheless, the ability to be genuine or hold a true conversation with someone are things that are timeless.
I think in terms of love, life, and the intersection of the two, it's time to get back to the basics.
Love freely,
tY
Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I ran into a cashier whom I see often. He is good looking in an easy and simple sort of way. I'm usually cordial because I believe in being cordial to strangers. Yesterday, we chatted for a bit and I got a pure and genuine vibe from him. He asked about my day (which had been hectic) and we even talked about my internship.
It was refreshing. There didn't seem to be some sort of hidden agenda. There wasn't any "Hey baby" or "What's good, shawty?" He actually asked me for my name.
I am sure our interactions will be limited to the dimly lit checkout aisles at Shoppers, but he made a crazy day a little bit better and I appreciate him for that. I think too many people today lack the trait of being genuine. We don't talk and we want instant hookups. We don't respect others and in doing so, we don't respect ourselves. I cannot preach because I, too, have been consumed in the superficialities of my generation. Nonetheless, the ability to be genuine or hold a true conversation with someone are things that are timeless.
I think in terms of love, life, and the intersection of the two, it's time to get back to the basics.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, January 18, 2010
The sexiest thing
People underestimate the simple sexiness that exists in being yourself.
I have always wondered how people do it, you know put on a fascade and act differently in hopes of attracting the opposite sex. For better or worse, I have this inability to be anyone other than Tyece. However, many women change their voices, act overly flirtacious, and do a million other unnecessary things in order to woo men. Some men do the same thing. They add way too much base to their voices, crack insanely dry jokes, and call women "Baby" or "Shorty" in hopes of attracting women.
I've always maintained that we should leave the acting up to those on stage. Being yourself is sexy. Point blank period. There is a reason why you were created to be the person you are and someone out there is going to find that completely irresistible without you having to deepen your voice or poke someone's arm and be all "cutsie." Trying too hard is a sign of insecurity and more often than not, it will deter people before it pulls them in. Contrary to popular belief, the opposite sex does not expect anything of you than the ability to be who you are.
If you're looking for something to boost your sex appeal, trust that you have already been equipped with everything you need.
Love freely,
tY
I have always wondered how people do it, you know put on a fascade and act differently in hopes of attracting the opposite sex. For better or worse, I have this inability to be anyone other than Tyece. However, many women change their voices, act overly flirtacious, and do a million other unnecessary things in order to woo men. Some men do the same thing. They add way too much base to their voices, crack insanely dry jokes, and call women "Baby" or "Shorty" in hopes of attracting women.
I've always maintained that we should leave the acting up to those on stage. Being yourself is sexy. Point blank period. There is a reason why you were created to be the person you are and someone out there is going to find that completely irresistible without you having to deepen your voice or poke someone's arm and be all "cutsie." Trying too hard is a sign of insecurity and more often than not, it will deter people before it pulls them in. Contrary to popular belief, the opposite sex does not expect anything of you than the ability to be who you are.
If you're looking for something to boost your sex appeal, trust that you have already been equipped with everything you need.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Things I Don't Do
Feelings.
They're mushy, gushy, difficult, and consuming. I avoid them at all costs because they distract me and I don't care much for distractions.
But today, a good friend of mine said something very true. She told me, "If your emotions wear off, it makes you less of a person. Emotions keep you grounded and real."
It has been my experience that people who don't "do feelings" are usually setting themselves up for failure. The ability to feel, whether it's happiness, sadness, hurt, anger, etc. is a sign of immense maturity and strength. It's a sign that you are genuine, you know who you are, and most importantly, you are OK with yourself and your experiences.
Emotions, particularly less happy ones, can be a burden and they can drain us. But, recognizing them and letting them out allows us to keep moving and growing. Otherwise, we remain stagnant while only telling ourselves that we are moving. It doesn't make us stronger to be unattached; instead, avoiding attachment is the ultimate sign of weakness. Sure, not everyone deserves to peel your layers, but if no one ever does, you'll end up molding. It is actually much better to admit what people mean to us and accept those feelings for what they are.
Don't forget though, no one likes a cry baby, a Debbie Downer, or a dweller. Feel and let it consume you for a moment and then keep it moving.
So, the next time someone tells you that they don't "do feelings," tell them you don't either. You do people.
Love freely,
tY
They're mushy, gushy, difficult, and consuming. I avoid them at all costs because they distract me and I don't care much for distractions.
But today, a good friend of mine said something very true. She told me, "If your emotions wear off, it makes you less of a person. Emotions keep you grounded and real."
It has been my experience that people who don't "do feelings" are usually setting themselves up for failure. The ability to feel, whether it's happiness, sadness, hurt, anger, etc. is a sign of immense maturity and strength. It's a sign that you are genuine, you know who you are, and most importantly, you are OK with yourself and your experiences.
Emotions, particularly less happy ones, can be a burden and they can drain us. But, recognizing them and letting them out allows us to keep moving and growing. Otherwise, we remain stagnant while only telling ourselves that we are moving. It doesn't make us stronger to be unattached; instead, avoiding attachment is the ultimate sign of weakness. Sure, not everyone deserves to peel your layers, but if no one ever does, you'll end up molding. It is actually much better to admit what people mean to us and accept those feelings for what they are.
Don't forget though, no one likes a cry baby, a Debbie Downer, or a dweller. Feel and let it consume you for a moment and then keep it moving.
So, the next time someone tells you that they don't "do feelings," tell them you don't either. You do people.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, January 11, 2010
Pixie Cuts and Bitches
This weekend as I roamed the aisles of Borders (ahh, what a refreshing activity), my friend and I stopped in the self-help section for kicks.
I once heard that any woman who has self-help books is crazy and you shold run in the opposite direction. Perhaps this is an exaggeration. Yet, as we perused the shelves of this section, there were books such as "Dating for Dummies" and "Flirtexting" sending women messages about how to date and find a happy ending. Funny, because the last time I checked such things were not skills one can acquire.
As we looked further, we saw a book entitled, "Why Men Love Bitches." Ironically enough, this book was written by a woman.
So, I turned to my friend of the opposite sex and said, "Men don't love bitches, do they?"
Obviously, he responded with a no.
I came to a few conclusions in Borders that day, one of which was that us women (and I am not excluded from this category by any means) worry about men entirely too much. We read books, we write books, and we see movies and believe the characters are speaking to us. Additionally, some of the stuff we are telling each other is not right. Ever had a girlfriend tell you to chop all of your hair off after a breakup? I mean, hey, I think short hair can be hot but at the end of the day, your emotions are still going to be there. And, perhaps unfortunately, your hair won't. Seeking self-fulfillment in external things is always in vain.
So, what's the solution? Maybe we should stop feeding into all of the insanity surrounding men and dating. Maybe we should find other things, more concrete and substantial things, that define us and matter to us.
I don't write this blog to grant epiphanies to people everyday or tell people how to live their lives. I am not a guru and I never will be. I write what I see and feel. And, to be perfectly honest, I write because it revives me and it's nice to have this as an outlet.
So, before you go Peter Pan on your hair or decide to trade in your niceness for bitchiness, remember no one has all of the answers. And, if you seek all of the answers, chances are you will be more clueless than you were before you even tried.
Love freely,
tY
I once heard that any woman who has self-help books is crazy and you shold run in the opposite direction. Perhaps this is an exaggeration. Yet, as we perused the shelves of this section, there were books such as "Dating for Dummies" and "Flirtexting" sending women messages about how to date and find a happy ending. Funny, because the last time I checked such things were not skills one can acquire.
As we looked further, we saw a book entitled, "Why Men Love Bitches." Ironically enough, this book was written by a woman.
So, I turned to my friend of the opposite sex and said, "Men don't love bitches, do they?"
Obviously, he responded with a no.
I came to a few conclusions in Borders that day, one of which was that us women (and I am not excluded from this category by any means) worry about men entirely too much. We read books, we write books, and we see movies and believe the characters are speaking to us. Additionally, some of the stuff we are telling each other is not right. Ever had a girlfriend tell you to chop all of your hair off after a breakup? I mean, hey, I think short hair can be hot but at the end of the day, your emotions are still going to be there. And, perhaps unfortunately, your hair won't. Seeking self-fulfillment in external things is always in vain.
So, what's the solution? Maybe we should stop feeding into all of the insanity surrounding men and dating. Maybe we should find other things, more concrete and substantial things, that define us and matter to us.
I don't write this blog to grant epiphanies to people everyday or tell people how to live their lives. I am not a guru and I never will be. I write what I see and feel. And, to be perfectly honest, I write because it revives me and it's nice to have this as an outlet.
So, before you go Peter Pan on your hair or decide to trade in your niceness for bitchiness, remember no one has all of the answers. And, if you seek all of the answers, chances are you will be more clueless than you were before you even tried.
Love freely,
tY
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Mix and Match
So, I've wanted to blog about interracial dating on this thing for such a long time. But, I always figured I wasn't cool enough. And, then I said, damnit it's 2010, this is my blog, and I will do what I want.
A thought has plagued the back of my mind for awhile and I'm going to be honest: it's the sadness of black men who only date non-black women.
Without going into a bunch of racial history and stereotypes and all of that pish posh, I will just say that in the end, it only hurts oneself to be close-minded about what race or even ethnicity you choose to date. It always makes me laugh when people condemn a person for only dating members of their same race yet think it is so excusable if a person only dates members outside of their race. We are so concerned with being politically correct that we call it "personal preference" if a black man only dates non-black women yet we call it ignorance if a black man only dates black women.
This is nonsense and our world drives me insane.
ANYONE who chooses to only date a certain type of person whether that means the person must be the same race or a different race is narrow-minded and selling them short of the colorless beauty that is love.
If you are a man, you have met qualification number one in my book. That is all that matters.
I think it's time for our world to stop trying so incredibly to hard to be politically correct and to instead equip itself with some common sense and come correct.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Haddaway
What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.
I have belted this song out on many solo drives. It poses a pretty loaded yet undeniable question...what is love?
After nearly a year of blogging about love and many things relating to it, I realized I never stopped to speak to this timeless question.
In an email yesterday, I told a friend, "Love is such an abstract concept." Love is a feeling, it's a state of being, it's an action, it's an aspiration, and it's a mystery. How do we pinpoint that exact moment in which we fall in love with someone? How do we know when we are no longer in love with someone? What's the difference between being in love and loving someone? Why is love the worst 4-letter word?
Saying "I Love You" is this cherished and almost sacred moment...in the right context. I'll be the first to admit that I have said I love you to people who were not boyfriends or life long loves and never had any qualms about it. But, hey, different stokes for different folks.
Listen, I don't have answers to any of the questions above. I think love is whatever we make it out to be, the same way it can be any and all of the aforementioned things (feeling, aspiration, etc.) However, I think our biggest fascination with love is that it is something we aspire toward. Happily ever after is ingrained in our heads from the time we are small children. Now, thanks to the likes of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas, we still have this aspiration of love. People are obsessed with love because it is universal. It doesn't discriminate based on age, socioeconomic status, etc. If it weren't so universal, I would not have a reason to write this blog.
In the end, the best way to approach this word is with an open mind. There isn't a need to take direction from others about who to love, when to love, or how to love. As long as you do it freely, my blog and I are happy.
Love freely,
tY
I have belted this song out on many solo drives. It poses a pretty loaded yet undeniable question...what is love?
After nearly a year of blogging about love and many things relating to it, I realized I never stopped to speak to this timeless question.
In an email yesterday, I told a friend, "Love is such an abstract concept." Love is a feeling, it's a state of being, it's an action, it's an aspiration, and it's a mystery. How do we pinpoint that exact moment in which we fall in love with someone? How do we know when we are no longer in love with someone? What's the difference between being in love and loving someone? Why is love the worst 4-letter word?
Saying "I Love You" is this cherished and almost sacred moment...in the right context. I'll be the first to admit that I have said I love you to people who were not boyfriends or life long loves and never had any qualms about it. But, hey, different stokes for different folks.
Listen, I don't have answers to any of the questions above. I think love is whatever we make it out to be, the same way it can be any and all of the aforementioned things (feeling, aspiration, etc.) However, I think our biggest fascination with love is that it is something we aspire toward. Happily ever after is ingrained in our heads from the time we are small children. Now, thanks to the likes of Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas, we still have this aspiration of love. People are obsessed with love because it is universal. It doesn't discriminate based on age, socioeconomic status, etc. If it weren't so universal, I would not have a reason to write this blog.
In the end, the best way to approach this word is with an open mind. There isn't a need to take direction from others about who to love, when to love, or how to love. As long as you do it freely, my blog and I are happy.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Playtime
I hid my feelings in the deepest corner of my heart
Hoping that you would play and seek them out
Hoping that you would chase me around
The wood chip pavement of this world
And tag me so that I could be “it” in your life
And if I became “it”
I would then go to the swings
Your love being my push as I went higher and higher
Until it felt like I could kiss the sky
See, your love is like bare feet in the grass
Your love is like being the last person to slide on squash the lemon.
Your love is like recess
And I never want to go inside.
Love freely,
tY
Hoping that you would play and seek them out
Hoping that you would chase me around
The wood chip pavement of this world
And tag me so that I could be “it” in your life
And if I became “it”
I would then go to the swings
Your love being my push as I went higher and higher
Until it felt like I could kiss the sky
See, your love is like bare feet in the grass
Your love is like being the last person to slide on squash the lemon.
Your love is like recess
And I never want to go inside.
Love freely,
tY
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Housewhat?
A new post for a new decade. I like it.
I have always struggled with the idea of housewives. ABC made it popular when a group of women on Wisteria Lane engaged in endless debauchery. Bravo capitalized on the role with women from different parts of the country who attend lavish parties and hire nannies for their children.
But, what's the big deal about domesticity?
I, for one, have never really understood why cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home are 1) only assumptions of the role of a wife and 2) so attractive to some men. Perhaps, ironically enough, it is empowering for a woman to take care of her home AND do other things. But, I don't think it should be required. I don't think it makes you any less of a woman if you can't cook and I don't think it makes you any less of a man if you can't change a tire.
Today, a friend of mine told me I wasn't domestic. "I can clean, though," I laughed.
"Yeah, but when I think of domestic I think of someone folding my laundry, cooking, etc. You aren't like that."
"Is that a compliment?" I asked.
"Of course it's a compliment; you don't want to be one of those girls."
And, you know what? Maybe I don't. Sure, I can fold my own laundry and hey, maybe this year I will even learn how to put a decent meal together (I mean I will be living in a real live apartment with a kitchen in a matter of weeks) but even if I never knew how to do any of these things, it wouldn't make me less of a woman and more importantly, it wouldn't make me a worse off Tyece.
At the end of the day, I have free love. How many Real Housewives of Orange County can say they have my lyrical blog skills???
Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating.
Then again, maybe not.
Love freely,
tY
I have always struggled with the idea of housewives. ABC made it popular when a group of women on Wisteria Lane engaged in endless debauchery. Bravo capitalized on the role with women from different parts of the country who attend lavish parties and hire nannies for their children.
But, what's the big deal about domesticity?
I, for one, have never really understood why cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home are 1) only assumptions of the role of a wife and 2) so attractive to some men. Perhaps, ironically enough, it is empowering for a woman to take care of her home AND do other things. But, I don't think it should be required. I don't think it makes you any less of a woman if you can't cook and I don't think it makes you any less of a man if you can't change a tire.
Today, a friend of mine told me I wasn't domestic. "I can clean, though," I laughed.
"Yeah, but when I think of domestic I think of someone folding my laundry, cooking, etc. You aren't like that."
"Is that a compliment?" I asked.
"Of course it's a compliment; you don't want to be one of those girls."
And, you know what? Maybe I don't. Sure, I can fold my own laundry and hey, maybe this year I will even learn how to put a decent meal together (I mean I will be living in a real live apartment with a kitchen in a matter of weeks) but even if I never knew how to do any of these things, it wouldn't make me less of a woman and more importantly, it wouldn't make me a worse off Tyece.
At the end of the day, I have free love. How many Real Housewives of Orange County can say they have my lyrical blog skills???
Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating.
Then again, maybe not.
Love freely,
tY
Wonderful Words for the New Year
... There is no such thing as conditional love. Love is either unconditional or it's not love. You might like someone conditionally on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say 'I love you because', for love has no cause, love comes from God.
Love freely,
tY
Love freely,
tY
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