Limits

Merry Christmas, Happy End of Finals, Happy almost 2011...all that.

Friends with benefits, known for this post as FWB, is not a bad invention when used properly. Like most other fine entities in life, there's an art to it...a way to dodge feelings and emotions and focus on what is most important--getting _________. Fill in the blank however you'd like. I'd personally choose a word that begins with O and rhymes with hoff.

Ok, a bit stoic of me. Oops. But, the issue with FWB or like or lust or anything that is not that ultimate head over heels love is that you reach a point where you have to censor yourself, and more specifically, your heart. You find yourself caring about someone or their well-being and realize that you can't care that much because then it gets serious and blurs the nature of the relationship.

Bottom line: Doable but not easy. However, not everyone deserves your whole heart. Not even your whole self. I hesitated to write that last sentence but it's true...you can't give everyone EVERYTHING you have. Then, you don't have anything left for you.

I'm just rambling tonight. No witty sign off.

Love freely,
tY

Hollywood: Redefining the Hookup

Can best friends be sex friends?

Well, I didn't ask the question. In fact, it's the tagline in Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman's upcoming movie, "No Strings Attached." While I, like any other chick flick moviegoer, got sucked in from the preview, let's be real. We know how the story ends: best friends turned eff buddies turned soulmates.

Let's rewind to my Thanksgiving break when I saw Love and Other Drugs with my sister. Now, the plot in this movie is a little different because Anne Hathaway's character is basically dying (sorry, I didn't know how to put that more eloquently) so there's this big elephant in the room everytime these virtual strangers dance horizontally. Elephant aside, the plot is the same except it's virtual strangers turned eff buddies turned soulmates.

I loved Love and Other Drugs and I have no doubt I'll enjoy No Strings Attached. The random hookup or eff buddies or whatever you like to call it has made a name for itself on the big screen and as someone who may or may not engage in such antics myself, I am proud.

Of course there's a but.

My hope is that women who see these movies know that in real life, the plot goes something like this: friends or strangers turned eff buddies turned...the end. Somewhere on the planet, there is a married couple who were once just sex comrades proving me completely wrong. But, in about a million other places on the planet, there are two college kids having really great sex right now and in a month or two or five, they will still (possibly) just be having really great sex.

So, what's my point? These movies are fantasy for adults (that sounds like a euphemism for pornography. oops.) Anyway, the endings of these movies are the exception to the rule and while there's a .0006% chance that your best (guy) friend will become your sex friend and then your soulmate, don't bet on it. Doesn't mean don't do it. Just means don't bet on it.

Love freely,
tY

Sorry I can't come to the phone right now

I have got to get better with updating this thing.

Currently, in an effort to procrastinate, I've decided to blog about something pretty funny in relationships: the voicemail.

Let's be real. No one checks their voicemail anymore. Usually, after the little number on my Blackberry screen reads "6" or so, I'll go through my voicemail, laughing at messages my friends sent me about a month ago and deleting them. Voicemail is outdated because why say what you can type and send instantly in a text message? Why bother to listen to a voicemail that will probably only say, "Hey, call me," when I'll see your missed call and hey, I'll call you.

Nevertheless, when it comes to that special person or that hookup or whatever, we somehow always find a way to say something after the beep. A few of my favorites:

1) "Heyyy.........I was just thinking of you...........call me"--What does this achieve? Oh, the sound of you hearing your own voice as you speak to thin air? Cause I'm pretty sure that's all you've accomplished.

2) "Yo, pick up your phone." I'll admit I've done this once or twice before. But, what's more obnoxious than calling someone back a nano second after they called you only to catch their voicemail?

3) The sappy I miss you voicemail: I swear these are ONLY for the purpose of you hearing a month later and swooning over your significant other. (ew.)

4) The belligerent voicemail: I almost wrote angry voicemail but that word just didn't do this voicemail justice. Everyone has done this. Typically it occurs after an argument when the only reason you're being directed to voicemail is because the person on the other end is blatantly ignoring your calls. And, you get mad. And, you show that anger by leaving a 2.5 minute long voicemail cursing the person out to the high heavens. Once, an ex let me listen to one of those voicemails I left him. I didn't know I was related to Linda Blair's head-spinning character but apparently in those 2.5 minutes...I was.

I say all of this to say while voicemail has become beyond obsolete, there's something about talking to nothing hoping the person in your life who means something will eventually hear it. There's something cool about archiving your voice because, unlike text, it is often times far more spontaneous and unartful.

So, when in doubt, leave a message after the beep.

Love freely,

tY

Happily Married...Oxymoron?

So marriage is something, even the most cynical nonbelievers such as myself, think about. It's a societal norm, an expectation, a hope, and an entity that quite frankly I have no business blogging about because it's the furthest thing from my mind at this moment. BUT, a friend and I were talking and it got me thinking which, of course, got me blogging.

Is anyone happily married anymore?

Our culture has thrown marriage into reality tv shows and magazines, making it seem like more of a commodity and less of a unique thing that combines love and a lot of work. This is why women my age, my young wonderful age of 21, know what their first song is going to be, who will design their dress, and what color roses they'll have in their bouquet. But, see, we're only obsessed with the wedding. The hard work, sleepless nights, and unexpected fights in public...we can't see far enough ahead for that. But, as always, I digress.

I'll ask again: is anyone happily married anymore?

Personally, I'm of the school of thought that marriage is not natural. One person for the majority of your life defies human nature in my eyes. Now, maybe those are just young-I-am-at-the-point-in-life-where-I-just-want-to-do-me-and-have-fun eyes, but hey, take it for what it's worth. Now, this doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage. It's a beautiful thing. But, I can say the number of effed up unsuccessful marriages/divorces I've seen or heard of far outshines the number of happy marriages.

A friend of mine once told me marriage is a lot of luck. I can't help but agree. I think love is vital to a marriage but people can change so much over the course of their lives that, at some point, you have to believe something just as crazy and out-of-control as love (such as luck) comes along and helps out.

Of course there are people who are happily married. I love those old couples who still hold hands in the grocery store. I mean, I don't walk behind them because they're moving too slowly but I do admire them.

I don't have any solid conclusions about marriage. I'm not supposed to; I'm 21. And, I think even if and when I'm ever married, I still won't know what I'm doing. And, maybe there in lies the beauty of it. Knowing you'll never have all of the answers but not being afraid to ask the questions anyway.

I don't know what that means but it kind of worked.


Love freely,
tY

More than a beso

Happy November, ladies and gentlemen. Hope your Halloween 2k10 was a success.

I don't know if I've blogged about this before...if I have, forgive me.

Often times, when we think of cheating, we think of a physical act--kissing someone else, having sex with someone else, etc. And, in my humble opinion which is the only one that matters on this blog, those things certainly qualify as cheating. But, as my friends and I have recently discussed, there is such a thing as emotional cheating.

So, what's worse...a kiss with a stranger or an emotional connection with a new found friend?

Some people would say cheating is cheating. Others, like myself, would say there are different levels of cheating. A drunken kiss with some person you don't know at a club doesn't hit as high on the scale as building a connection/intense flirtation with a "friend."

The thing is, we don't want to see past cheating as purely physical, especially when we are in relationships. However, hanging out with someone, texting them frequently, laughing, and establishing an emotional bond can be more detrimental to a relationship than just making out with some harlot on the dance floor one night. No, the drunken kiss isn't excusable, but perhaps it is far more forgivable than giving your time and attention to someone else.

Cheating, kids. It's not as simple as it seems.

Hmm...sounds like a tag line for an after school special. :pats self on back:

Love freely,
tY

I Have to Call This Post Los Angeles. I just have to.

Whoa, 12 days since I last blogged? Whaaaat.

I could blog about a lot of things right now. I flew 3,000 miles away from everything that was comfortable to me last weekend, fell in love with beautiful LA (note: that may become my permanent home...at least in my 20s...), and learned that life is just not as serious as I've been making it out to be all these years.

So, I will blog based on a combination of Los Angeles (aka debauchery at its finest) and a quote I saw on Tumblr yesterday:

"Inside all of us there is a wild thing."

This blog is about a pretty serious entity--love. But, on the road to finding our soulmate, there are a lot of stops, bumps, road blocks, and adventures. When I think about my spring break trip to NOLA, half of the stories and memories we made came from stopping at thee sketchiest rest stops and, at times, being afraid for our lives in the midst of gas stations with deer heads, southern drawls, and plaid shirts. No joke.

Eventually, we made it to NOLA. But, the memories we made on the way there and on the way back are some of the ones that stuck with me the most. We could've been 9 strangers sitting in a car only focused on getting to the Big Easy, never talking and only stopping when someone had to pee like a race horse. Instead, we talked, we stopped even when it wasn't really necessary, and we crafted our own story.

The road to love or whatever you want your end result to be is pretty much the same way. You can only focus on getting something serious and ignore any possible detours. But, as someone who once felt the way, I will tell you that's not very fun. To borrow from another quote (so full of quotes today), life is about the people you meet and the memories you create with them. So start creating.

Do dumb things (just remember to wrap it up, kids.). Kiss people whose last names you don't know. Make a complete fool of yourself. Because, this is your life and it's your story to write and I don't want to read anything that has a great last chapter and 30 boring chapters preceding it.

Love freely,
tY

Garments

It's late. I don't feel like doing this homework. Let's blog.

Sometimes, I think people treat other people/dating like clothing. Here are a few reasons why:

• You know that pair of jeans you just can't get rid of? That pair of jeans that has holes all over the place with frayed bottoms yet you continue to wear them because you've had them forever? Everyone has that person who is that pair of jeans. They needed to go a long time ago but something about them is so comfortable and familiar that you can't seem to part ways.
• I bought a skirt a month or so ago even after a friend warned me I was never going to wear it. Some people seem good in theory but you know you're never actually going to hang with them...you just like to have them there in case you want to bring out something new but chances are, you never will.
• Sometimes, I see a dress and think "Adorable, but I can't pull it off." Now, you can look at this analogy one of two ways. Way 1 is if you have the confidence, you can pull off anything and no one will be able to call your bluff. Meaning go up to that hot guy and act like flirting with hot guys is your day job. You do it and you do it well. Or, this analogy could mean know what you want. Similar to my aforementioned skirt, just because something is hot on the rack doesn't mean it's going to translate well for you. There are a lot of hot clothes (or men) but that doesn't mean they are meant for everyone. I agree with both of these analogies, bee tee dubs.
• I bought a cardigan over the summer and just knew it would last me for fall. I wore it one time to work and it got a hole (and um I don't have a sewing kit so...). Sometimes, you just know you've snatched up something good and out of the blue, it flops. Best to pile it up in your dirty laundry and find the next best cardigan. You can try sewing up that hole but it'll never be the same as the original.
• I have had a pile of dry cleaning sitting in a bag since I finished my summer internship. It needs to go to the cleaners but I've gotten so good at getting it out of sight that I often times forget about it...until I pass Zips. Similar to the "cleaning your closet" analogy/cliche, everyone has that pile of dry cleaning, that string of unfinished business that just has to go. Every now and again, sort through it and clean some things up.
• A little black dress or a classic pair of red pumps. These things never go out of style. They will stay in your closet forever and you will make use of them. You want to be a LBD or a pair of red pumps meaning you want your personality to carry you long after the trends have gone away. You want to be timeless.
• Some people are only after trends. They only want the latest thing on the runway and as soon as it's a month old, they are looking for the next trend. Some people spend their entire dating life chasing the next best thing, and even though they have a closet full of clothes that were cool at one time, that closet has no value because they don't put it to use. They only want what's brand new.
• Pair of Louboutins. Every girl wants a pair (myself included even though I try not to care about name brands, but you can't resist those red bottoms.) But, they are expensive and it may take you years to save for them. But, once you get them, there's no going back to DSW. Every girl needs her Louboutin man. You may wait years for him but once you get him, you know you've gotten something special and you aren't going back to the Payless men.

I am now oddly in the mood to do some online window shopping. So much for this homework.

Love freely,

tY