Sorry I can't come to the phone right now

I have got to get better with updating this thing.

Currently, in an effort to procrastinate, I've decided to blog about something pretty funny in relationships: the voicemail.

Let's be real. No one checks their voicemail anymore. Usually, after the little number on my Blackberry screen reads "6" or so, I'll go through my voicemail, laughing at messages my friends sent me about a month ago and deleting them. Voicemail is outdated because why say what you can type and send instantly in a text message? Why bother to listen to a voicemail that will probably only say, "Hey, call me," when I'll see your missed call and hey, I'll call you.

Nevertheless, when it comes to that special person or that hookup or whatever, we somehow always find a way to say something after the beep. A few of my favorites:

1) "Heyyy.........I was just thinking of you...........call me"--What does this achieve? Oh, the sound of you hearing your own voice as you speak to thin air? Cause I'm pretty sure that's all you've accomplished.

2) "Yo, pick up your phone." I'll admit I've done this once or twice before. But, what's more obnoxious than calling someone back a nano second after they called you only to catch their voicemail?

3) The sappy I miss you voicemail: I swear these are ONLY for the purpose of you hearing a month later and swooning over your significant other. (ew.)

4) The belligerent voicemail: I almost wrote angry voicemail but that word just didn't do this voicemail justice. Everyone has done this. Typically it occurs after an argument when the only reason you're being directed to voicemail is because the person on the other end is blatantly ignoring your calls. And, you get mad. And, you show that anger by leaving a 2.5 minute long voicemail cursing the person out to the high heavens. Once, an ex let me listen to one of those voicemails I left him. I didn't know I was related to Linda Blair's head-spinning character but apparently in those 2.5 minutes...I was.

I say all of this to say while voicemail has become beyond obsolete, there's something about talking to nothing hoping the person in your life who means something will eventually hear it. There's something cool about archiving your voice because, unlike text, it is often times far more spontaneous and unartful.

So, when in doubt, leave a message after the beep.

Love freely,

tY