Successful marriages with golden anniversaries. How do people do them? At age 20, this seems far-fetched at best and impossible at worst. Maybe it's because young minds (and sometimes hearts) move a mile a minute. Human beings become disillusioned. They become lazy. They become tired. And, they give up.
The ironic thing about love is that it comes naturally. We don't control it as much as we may try or as much as we think we do. But, once it comes, once it blesses us with its presence, it's up to us to keep it. Some of love stays naturally and some of it requires work. But, hard work pays off.
Love freely,
tY
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Goin to the chapel...
Where have I been?????
New goal: POST!
I recently met a woman who got married at age 21 and 11 years later, she's still married. To say I was surprised was an understaement.
I have to admit I used to be against getting married young and I also have to admit that was only because of the societal stigmas surrounding young marriages--they are inexperienced, they rushed love, etc. But, after meeting this super duper woman whose marriage has survived far longer than people who know each other for decades, I changed my mind a bit.
Getting married young has to have its challenges...but doesn't marriage in general have its challenges? I can easily say I don't see myself marrying young as I am 20 years old with zero prospects. Nonetheless, I've stripped myself of that negative sentiment that marrying young is dumb or ill-fated. Love, lifelong love, comes to everyone at different times. Accept and respect.
Love freely,
tY
New goal: POST!
I recently met a woman who got married at age 21 and 11 years later, she's still married. To say I was surprised was an understaement.
I have to admit I used to be against getting married young and I also have to admit that was only because of the societal stigmas surrounding young marriages--they are inexperienced, they rushed love, etc. But, after meeting this super duper woman whose marriage has survived far longer than people who know each other for decades, I changed my mind a bit.
Getting married young has to have its challenges...but doesn't marriage in general have its challenges? I can easily say I don't see myself marrying young as I am 20 years old with zero prospects. Nonetheless, I've stripped myself of that negative sentiment that marrying young is dumb or ill-fated. Love, lifelong love, comes to everyone at different times. Accept and respect.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Unnatural
We like to believe that love comes naturally. We like to believe that when we see couples holding hands or kissing, it's effortless and their love is instinctual.
But, love doesn't always come naturally. And, love certainly isn't always easy. Maybe attraction is natural. But, love requires attention. It requires care. It requires therapy. Sometimes, we have to work at love because without that work, it dies. Sometimes, it's a homicide killed by the insensitivity of another who walks on the scene and seduces our significant other. Sometimes, it's a patricide, as love has been our king and we have worshipped it, only to have it fall from grace tragically. Sometimes, it is a suicide and we kill it through selfish actions. And, sometimes, most times, without work, it simply withers away.
Love freely,
tY
But, love doesn't always come naturally. And, love certainly isn't always easy. Maybe attraction is natural. But, love requires attention. It requires care. It requires therapy. Sometimes, we have to work at love because without that work, it dies. Sometimes, it's a homicide killed by the insensitivity of another who walks on the scene and seduces our significant other. Sometimes, it's a patricide, as love has been our king and we have worshipped it, only to have it fall from grace tragically. Sometimes, it is a suicide and we kill it through selfish actions. And, sometimes, most times, without work, it simply withers away.
Love freely,
tY
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friend card
Have you ever told someone, "I don't like you in that way but we can be great friends?"
If so, give yourself a pow pow. You know, a smack in the face. A hit. For me.
We've all done it. For whatever reason, we have all told someone who was feeling us in that warm and fuzzy lovey sort of way that we weren't feeling them in the same way but we still thought they could be a great friend to us. And, most likely, we have all been told that same thing.
Telling someone who likes you that you would love to be their friend is like spitting on them and then saying "Oh, sorry! Let me wipe that off for you." You still spit on them. You're just trying to fix it as best as possible.
It isn't that a friendship is impossible or out of reach. But, at that moment, that person who likes you doesn't want to be handed the friend card. Chances are they will chuck it before you can even get your next sentence out.
Solution? Be easy about letting them down and then later (whether thats a day, a month, or a year later), mention the friend thing. "You know, I'd really like it if we could remain friends." Comes off as more genuine that way as opposed to just crushing them and trying to fix it right then and there.
Love freely,
tY
If so, give yourself a pow pow. You know, a smack in the face. A hit. For me.
We've all done it. For whatever reason, we have all told someone who was feeling us in that warm and fuzzy lovey sort of way that we weren't feeling them in the same way but we still thought they could be a great friend to us. And, most likely, we have all been told that same thing.
Telling someone who likes you that you would love to be their friend is like spitting on them and then saying "Oh, sorry! Let me wipe that off for you." You still spit on them. You're just trying to fix it as best as possible.
It isn't that a friendship is impossible or out of reach. But, at that moment, that person who likes you doesn't want to be handed the friend card. Chances are they will chuck it before you can even get your next sentence out.
Solution? Be easy about letting them down and then later (whether thats a day, a month, or a year later), mention the friend thing. "You know, I'd really like it if we could remain friends." Comes off as more genuine that way as opposed to just crushing them and trying to fix it right then and there.
Love freely,
tY
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Validate
The poem is called Validate. The message is pretty obvious. Enjoy.
Love freely,
tY
Why are you looking for validation?
Recognition of your own beauty hidden in fleeting temptations
See, he will only bring you temporary elation
Chills down your spine as you’ve never experienced these sensations
So why are you looking for validation?
Asking him to tell you you’re beautiful is an abomination
Because he can only see he doesn’t know your limitless limitations
So his admiration is a dead end destination
Yet you are looking for validation
Letting him break you of your highest concentration
Letting him take you to a dead end destination
See perhaps this is just my estimation
but doesn’t it seem like a possible explanation?
If you looked inside you would know without hesitation
That your beauty and your worth don’t require an invitation
Yet you are looking for validation
As if this is some sort of obligation
You are an unstoppable woman of education
A woman with dreams and aspirations
A woman driven by her fears as much as her motivation
And a woman who will be rare in this population
if you hold your head up high without reservations
God thought of you
He thought to create
So why are you looking at man
And asking him to validate?
Love freely,
tY
Why are you looking for validation?
Recognition of your own beauty hidden in fleeting temptations
See, he will only bring you temporary elation
Chills down your spine as you’ve never experienced these sensations
So why are you looking for validation?
Asking him to tell you you’re beautiful is an abomination
Because he can only see he doesn’t know your limitless limitations
So his admiration is a dead end destination
Yet you are looking for validation
Letting him break you of your highest concentration
Letting him take you to a dead end destination
See perhaps this is just my estimation
but doesn’t it seem like a possible explanation?
If you looked inside you would know without hesitation
That your beauty and your worth don’t require an invitation
Yet you are looking for validation
As if this is some sort of obligation
You are an unstoppable woman of education
A woman with dreams and aspirations
A woman driven by her fears as much as her motivation
And a woman who will be rare in this population
if you hold your head up high without reservations
God thought of you
He thought to create
So why are you looking at man
And asking him to validate?
Friday, February 19, 2010
Normal Rules Don't Apply
I just finished reading the transcript of Tiger Woods' apology.
Wow.
This is what struck me most about it:
I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have far -- didn't have to go far to find them.
Most of us like to think we are exceptional. We like to think that when everyone else gets a B on an exam, we are the 100% outlier. We like to think that we are the perfect candidate for a job where 1000 people applied. We like to think that even though that guy cheated on his past four girlfriends, we will change him and he won't cheat on us.
We like to think we are exceptional.
But, we are not.
Celebrities or working class citizens, lawyers or housewives...we are all trying to find our way and make a way. Perhaps our resources are different. Perhaps our education varies. But, at the end of the day, don't we all just want love? A place to call home? A family?
This seemed to be the most honest part of the apology and I say kudos to Tiger for that.
Whatever spectacle the media makes of this is their business. Woods destroyed the one thing that we all need: family. And, when the media finds a new story, when he is back on the field post affair (s) ala Kobe Bryant, he will still have to live with this.
Family and love, people. It's all we have. Maybe your family is your roommates. Maybe the love in your life isn't the love of your life. But, if you have it, don't mistreat it. Don't take it for granted. Don't abuse it. Because it's all we have.
Love freely,
tY
Wow.
This is what struck me most about it:
I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have far -- didn't have to go far to find them.
Most of us like to think we are exceptional. We like to think that when everyone else gets a B on an exam, we are the 100% outlier. We like to think that we are the perfect candidate for a job where 1000 people applied. We like to think that even though that guy cheated on his past four girlfriends, we will change him and he won't cheat on us.
We like to think we are exceptional.
But, we are not.
Celebrities or working class citizens, lawyers or housewives...we are all trying to find our way and make a way. Perhaps our resources are different. Perhaps our education varies. But, at the end of the day, don't we all just want love? A place to call home? A family?
This seemed to be the most honest part of the apology and I say kudos to Tiger for that.
Whatever spectacle the media makes of this is their business. Woods destroyed the one thing that we all need: family. And, when the media finds a new story, when he is back on the field post affair (s) ala Kobe Bryant, he will still have to live with this.
Family and love, people. It's all we have. Maybe your family is your roommates. Maybe the love in your life isn't the love of your life. But, if you have it, don't mistreat it. Don't take it for granted. Don't abuse it. Because it's all we have.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Happy Birthday, Free Love
As I was walking from class today, I realize it's been a year since I began this blog. Wow, I'm getting old.
I remember just sitting at work very early one morning last year and deciding to start a blog about love, life, and the implications surrounding them. It's hard to believe that was a year ago.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FREE LOVE!
Over the past year, I've written a lot and have been grateful to have this blog as an outlet for my zany observations and more serious and sober thoughts. While I recently conformed and got a tumblr (ugh, such a sell out, I know), I realize this is my true passion because in a lot of ways, love is my true passion. Observing it, finding it, and keeping it, whether it's romantic, platonic, sisterly, friendly, whatever.
I have fallen off recently because that's what happens when you decide to live a life that does not permit you much free time but with free love's birthday, it's time to pick back up.
If you're reading this and if you've been a loyal reader for the past year, thank you. Means a lot when people pretend that what I say is even somewhat worth listening to.
A lot has changed in my life over the past year, love-wise, too, I guess. I made a lot of snippy and sarcastic comments in these posts because I was a self-proclaimed hardass and everyone who knew me well saw right through it. I've softened a bit now. But, don't worry. I still have that bee eye tee see ech in me. Gotta stay somewhat hard around the edges.
Anyway, happy birthday again, free love. Mama loves you.
Gonna keep writing and gonna keep loving.
Love freely,
tY
I remember just sitting at work very early one morning last year and deciding to start a blog about love, life, and the implications surrounding them. It's hard to believe that was a year ago.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FREE LOVE!
Over the past year, I've written a lot and have been grateful to have this blog as an outlet for my zany observations and more serious and sober thoughts. While I recently conformed and got a tumblr (ugh, such a sell out, I know), I realize this is my true passion because in a lot of ways, love is my true passion. Observing it, finding it, and keeping it, whether it's romantic, platonic, sisterly, friendly, whatever.
I have fallen off recently because that's what happens when you decide to live a life that does not permit you much free time but with free love's birthday, it's time to pick back up.
If you're reading this and if you've been a loyal reader for the past year, thank you. Means a lot when people pretend that what I say is even somewhat worth listening to.
A lot has changed in my life over the past year, love-wise, too, I guess. I made a lot of snippy and sarcastic comments in these posts because I was a self-proclaimed hardass and everyone who knew me well saw right through it. I've softened a bit now. But, don't worry. I still have that bee eye tee see ech in me. Gotta stay somewhat hard around the edges.
Anyway, happy birthday again, free love. Mama loves you.
Gonna keep writing and gonna keep loving.
Love freely,
tY
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