Money, money, money.

Who pays on dates nowadays? That's what I really want to know.

Money is a point of contention for many couples: married, dating, shacking up, whatever. Some couples have too much money and not enough time for each other; other couples are pinching pennies. Sometimes, one partner is picking up the financial slack of the other person. Who is going to pay for dinner this time? How much was the Christmas gift he got for you?

Just as money makes the world go round, it's a pretty big deal in relationships, too. Often times, men willingly pay and women willingly put out. Even exchange? Questionable. (aka NO.)

The couples who have mastered the art of the dollar are the ones who understand the concept of 50/50. You pay this time, I catch the bill next time.

Let's put it in different terms. Relationships are unhealthy when one person devotes more time than the other person. Those types of relationships do not work because one person is making more of an investment. So, why isn't it the same way with money? Why is it fair for one person to expel all of their cash while the other person sits back and relies on their hot figure to pull them through?

Oh, and let me make a note to those long-distance relationships. Those are even MORE of a monetary investment because you're spending money on travel...expensive, kids. Expensive.

Sometimes, women don't realize the assumptions they make when it comes to money. At the end of the day, everyone works hard for those dollar bills and whether someone has 100K or 2 pennies, it still feels the same when they reach into their pocket and give it up.

Love freely,

tY

Feminine charm bracelet

I once heard the expression, "Some women climb the corporate ladder on their backs."

Ouch.

How did I say it a few posts ago? "Bring your A Game, Don't wear your V neck."

I have/am collecting books about women in business. It's a topic that intrigues me because well, I'm a woman and I plan on working in some sort of business. Useful knowledge, no?

So, today when a friend and I were talking about using feminine charm at work, I thought about it just a little bit more.

When is it OK to use your feminine assets to get what you want?

Women use their pretty smiling faces and their curvy size 4 (is that an oxymoron?) bodies to get what they want often. They use these things in relationships, encounters with male peers in group projects and in the office, among other places. They use these attributes knowingly and unknowingly, innocently and maliciously. It's perfectly OK for a woman to lean over and show that little line between her mammary glands in hopes of getting something, whether it's a late night rendezvous or 50 more cents an hour.

I'm not condoning this behavior, but let's be real. Sometimes, it's just business. And, sometimes you have to use what you have to get what you want. I'm just saying.

Unfortunately, there are women who take such behavior to extremes and do mindless things such as sleep with bosses. Yeah. I don't really consider them women at all, at least not ones I would ever befriend, speak to, or look at and because I don't write about dirt on this blog and instead I write about people, let's keep it moving.

Your personality and your brains should be the most important and valuable things you bring to any situation, especially a work environment. But, a little sex appeal goes a long way, especially in a more casual situation, say, a date? Don't rely on it but don't overlook it. All things in moderation, ladies. All things in moderation.

The NAACP says Knowledge is power. Maybe, sometimes, cleavage is power, too.

Love freely,

tY

Seasons of Love

Apparently, there's this thing called "bunning season."

I've heard girls refer to it as "'wifey season."

The leaves change colors, the air gets a little bit cooler, and ladies and gentlemen, it is time for you to get a significant other.

Hmm. Interesting phenonmenon.

I try to be subtle in my posts. I try not to firmly take sides while still making a point.

But, let me be frank. People who deem certain seasons as worthy of relationships or worthy of being single (ie summer) are shallow at best and idiotic at worst.

Sure, I get it. It's November. So, you have, ehh, three months to find someone and make sure that by Valentine's Day you get a good present. On Christmas you'll get a card and MAYBE something small that says, "We're cool but not that serious yet."

I had never heard of this bogus phenomenon until maybe a week or so ago and I was pretty stunned.

If you want to make those cold autumn and winter nights a little warmer, you don't need to search for a cuddle buddy. Just get a snuggie. There's no right "season" for being in a relationship or being single. It's all a matter of when fate/God/whatever else you believe drops that person into your life who will ADD to your existence.

By designating a specific time of the year for a person, you are just saying "You're temporary and as soon as the weather breaks 60 degrees, this relationship is over."

Want to stay warm? Bundle up, don't bun up.

Love freely,
tY

Common bond

In college, I became an avid basketball fan.

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending a Knicks/Cavs game with my dad (a total blowout but a fun time nonetheless) and I also had the misfortune of sitting around couples with girlfriends who had no clue what was going on.

They sat there, one girl bundled up with her guy and the other girl yapping away during a very important part of the game: the beginning.

Where do we draw the line in taking our significant others to events that do not interest them?

It can be difficult for couples to find common interests. Also, I do believe in sacrificing and going to do something that the other person likes every once in awhile, just to see what it is they are passionate about. But, really? Talking during a basketball game? Unless you are screaming at the players to get their heads on straight, that's a bit sacrilegious, don't you think?

It's the same as the girl who drags her guy to the mall and you sit there and look at the poor schmuck standing in the corner while his girl grabs about 10 garments that he is going to end up paying for.

All in all, bonding time is best when there's a shared interest and investment. If you choose to reserve certain activities for just you and the boys or just you and the girls, that's understandable and respectable. It is also a sign of maturity and independence in a relationship.

Needless to say and much to my satisfaction, yapping girl and guy left during the first quarter last night. Wow, he just spent about 200 bucks for a lay. What a schmuck.

Love freely,
tY

Powerhouse

I read this on a blog today:

"I’ve yet to be on a campus where most women weren’t worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I’ve yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing."

I'm not going to even try to delve into the career/household issues facing women because this isn't women's studies 419.

But, I do think it's god awful that women have to constantly battle work, children, and matrimony. It's not enough to be a powerhouse in the workplace. It's not enough to raise your kids. It's not enough to be a good wife with an oversexed hubbie.

No, no, no.

Right after you pop out the baby, go hand your boss that report and then go home and cook for your dinner. Then, do a little dance called the horizontal tango with him.

I think all men have to do is work and think about food.

And, it's not enough to say "Oh, I'm going to stay home and raise my kids and not work" or "Oh, I'm going to put off kids and marriage for awhile and focus on work." Nope. You better be doing everything or your addition to society is minimal.

Man, I don't care how you slice it. Women could take over the world. Do what you do and do it well, ladies.

And, to refer back to the quote I began with: If you're in college, no need to worry about marriage. You better worry about getting a job in this economy.

Love freely,
tY

Don't take a vacation, just move.

Am I the only one who is confused/irritated/all of the above when I hear a couple say, "We're on a break?"

I'm going to put all of this "on a break" nonsense to rest tonight.

Couples are these inseparable units tied by emotions, mental connections, intertwined hands, and hot and brain-washing sex. Yep, I said sex.

But, as a good ol' psych major friend told me last semester, relationships have phases, one of which is disillusion (or something like that.)

So, unfortunately, at some point in a relationship, one person may become disillusioned and decide it's time to keep it moving.

However, if said disillusioned person has a heart, they recognize the connection they've formed with the other person and they don't want to lay a pile of maneur on the love fantasies and wishes of the other person.

So, they go on a "break."

Or, people go on a break because it's a bad time, or they need space, or [insert other empty excuse here.]

Ok, so to recap: many couples go on breaks. But, I never hear of couples returning from breaks.

Oh, oh, oh. That's because break is a euphemism for break-up. Ok, I get it.

If you've never heard the expression (and have thus been living under a rock), breaking up is hard to do. Admitting that a tie is severed or we don't feel the same way we once did or our stretch with that person has reached its end can easily mean admitting failure or defeat for many people. So, going on a "break" softens the blow. At least for the moment.

However, unless you truly have the intention of taking a hiatus and returning to re-evaluate, I don't suggest "breaks." They only prolong an already painful process, adding even more of a mess and giving false hope to the other person.

Of course, there's something to be said for the type of love that withstands time, struggle, and heartache. There are lovers who return to one another and end up spending their lives together.

So, know where you stand on that spectrum. If it isn't that type of love (ie um this isn't your future spouse), give me a break and just break up. For your sanity.

And for mine.

Love freely,
tY

Taunt.

I spent a fabulous Halloween weekend not only getting extremely frightened at a haunted house, but attending parties and seeing women in garments that should probably only be reserved for the bedroom.

All this clothing, or lack of clothing I guess, got me to thinking about women and how we master the art of the tease.

From flirting shamelessly to wearing barely there clothing to making empty promises, women are geniuses when it comes to teasing men.

While driving home from a Halloween party last night, I listened to a friend rave about how provocatively this girl danced with him (or on him, maybe?) He lamented that he should have gotten her number and I thought, "Man, that's just the art of a good dance. Get em where you want em and keep it moving."

Why are women such teasing connoisseurs?

I don't think there's any answer to such a question. Obviously, I'm familiar with the art, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post. I think human beings just like power and teasing is a way for women to obtain that power without negative consequences.

Just like pretty much anything in life, there's a time and a place for teasing. Leave it out of certain arenas such as the workplace. There, you should be bringing your A game, not your V neck. But, at a club or a party, it's pretty harmless. Just be careful whom you do it with.

Sure, libidinous men get angry/annoyed when women tease but hey, better to be a tease than to be the girl who actually follows through with those empty promises. Because, then there's another word for you. And, that word would probably be jezebel.

Love freely,

tY