Monday, August 31, 2009

Do or don't?: Dating Freshmen


Whoa, a double header today. I must be feeling motivated.
Today was the 1st day of my 5th semester in college. Last year I never felt old. But, this year is different. There are people around me who look like they haven't hit puberty yet. People are holding maps and moving slowly and I'm thinking "Wow. I must be getting old. UMD doesn't seem like an ongoing, endless maze to me anymore."

But, every now and again I see a person who DOES look like they've hit puberty. In fact, I look again and they are kind of cute. And, then I look one more time and decide they are hot.

And, then I see the lanyard dangling from their neck and the map in hand.

Damn. Freshman.

Immediately, I continue on.

But, am I wrong for doing this? Should I give the poor (and very hot) guy a chance?

My advice about dating freshmen if you are a junior or above is one word: don't. Maybe you can get away with it if you're a sophomore but even then, the differences in mentality are enough to ruin any chance of a healthy relationship. Dating a freshman is either like dating your son or dating a rock star. They are either so sheltered and unaware of how this thing called college works that they will latch on to you and become your best friend and befriend all of YOUR friends because they are too lazy to find their own and you will have to teach them the ropes OR they want to try and be the big man on campus and hook up with as many girls as possible.
Maybe you will luck out and get the mature one.
But chances are, you won't.
And, even if you did get the mature one, I don't advise dating your freshman year of college. (I mean I don't even know how I feel about dating in college period but whatever...) Freshmen year is an experiment in everything college...the opposite sex, academia, the social scene, extracurriculars, etc. It's a time when you can be wild and it's excusable because you'll look back a year or two from now and say, "Remember that one time freshmen year...?" If you're a freshman and you sleep around, sure, you're still kind of gross, but hey, we chalk it up to freshmen year. If you're a senior and you sleep around, well then you're just gross.
So don't date freshmen year and don't date freshmen. Makes sense, right?
Love freely,
tY

Samantha Jones imparts wisdom

Samantha Jones: I'm gonna say the one thing you aren't supposed to say. I love you…but I love me more. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that’s the one I need to work on. (Sex and the City movie)

We don't think of ourselves as "relationships." But the same effort, love, and attention we put into loving someone else when we are dating can be put into ourselves when we are single. It's easy to lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of daily life or the search for a soulmate or even in a relationship. Sometimes we forget what makes us laugh or what's important to us or what makes us who we are.

So, if you're single in the beginning of this new semester, maybe it's a great time to focus on a relationship: the one you have with yourself. Do what makes you happy; don't find someone to make you happy.

Love freely,
tY

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Like, OMG, we are Facebook official.


Social media is the new way of life. Once my 30 something sister got a Facebook account, I knew it wasn't just something for college kids anymore. Facebook is a noun, a verb (maybe?), an adverb (he facebook chatted me), and possibly even an adjective, who knows.


So, of course, love crept right into the Facebook realm. And, quite frankly, it's kind of annoying. "Sally Susan White is now single." "Bobby Billy and Jane Lane ended their relationship" (broken heart.) "It's complicated" for John Boom (and what does that even MEAN because isn't it complicated for all of us, single and paired off alike?) "OMG he broke up with me on FACEBOOK!?" girl screams.


This is all just one of my favorite words: nonsense.


Facebook only does one thing to your love/relationship/hookup status: publicizes it. Whether that's for better or worse is for you to decide. Sure, it's really cute when all of a sudden your "single" status that has been posted since the beginning of mankind turns to "in a relationship" and everyone is congratulating you. But, doesn't it just suck when your "in a relationship" status disappears or turns to single? Then, all of your 1,768 "friends" are asking if you are OK. Or isn't it just the best when you look at an old flame's Facebook page and all of a sudden he or she is "in a relationship" and you're heart stops as you stare at those words over and over again hoping they will vanish and become "single" again.


And, how has Facebook become such a definitive point in relationships? Aren't we "official" when we decide between the two of us that we are official? I'm confused about what exactly Facebook does to solidify that. Or the infamous "he defriended me" as if that is the equivalent of him coming over and picking up his razor and extra boxers. The final straw.


Oh, and my personal favorite: the couples who write "i love you, baby" a million times on each other's walls. Because the entire world needs to know that and all.

And finally. The people who try to subtly vent to their significant other/hookup buddy via their Facebook status: "You know I don't have time for this so when you're ready to man up and deal with this, you let me know." Ummm...21st century...couldn't you just text that to him because I can assure you that the rest of us don't have anything to man up to. And, isn't it a wee bit more mature to deal with the person one on one directly instead of waiting until they get on Facebook to see your status? I'm just saying.


Listen, I love Facebook and I love love. I just don't know if I love the two when they are put together.
Love freely,
tY


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

500 Days of Summer

A story about love. Go see it. That's all.

Love freely,
tY

Back in session




You never really know what to expect when a new school year begins. It's a blank slate and while you may not be able to reinvent yourself from geek to jock the way you wanted to when you began college, there's always room for change.




I noticed summer's ending. It just sort of happened. One day I was putting on pencil skirts and going to an internship and the next I was trading in my windowless office for a dorm room...again.




Maybe you found summer love. Maybe you found summer heartbreak. Maybe you found something you never expected. Maybe you found yourself. Maybe you moved on from something. Whatever the case may be, I hope it was a summer to remember.




If you're like me and heading back into a lecture hall in a few days, take some love advice for the semester. I should tell you that you can do whatever your heart desires when it comes to your love life this semester. Yea, I should tell you that. But, it's a lie. Because who knows who or what will cross your path. Just stay true to yourself and stay happy. Because if you aren't true to yourself and you aren't happy, you'll never be able to fully offer yourself to someone else.




Oh, and to regurgitate advice I've been given before, don't waste your time on people who don't deserve it. Love or otherwise. Don't always expect the worst from people but don't always try to bring out the best in them if they simply are not worthy of you.




Get your head in the game, kid. School's back in session.




Love freely,


tY

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I Miss You

Yea, this song became popular around the time of Aaliyah's untimely death, but it's also (in my opinion) a great "love lost" love song.

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same
And who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you.

R.I.P Aaliyah. Muah muah muah.

Love freely,
tY

Find Yourself

Poem is called Find Yourself because it's very random and scattered but I trust anyone can find themselves somewhere in this "sort of" poem, even if it's just one line.

sometimes she thought she asked for too much
other times she thought she settled for too little
she was always playing this emotional balancing act
trying to figure out if the right thing was right in front of her
and she was too blind to see it
or if she let the right thing slip right between her fingers
and she was too preoccupied to notice
maybe all she ever asked for
was 2 steps away from being right in her grasp
but her cynicism got the best of her
took the best from her
and left her in an all too familiar spot
alone.
and maybe she hid that loneliness
by throwing herself into other things
knowing nothing would ever fully fill the void
but other things would create a shield around the void
so nothing could touch it
even though she knew it was there
she had been scarred so much that she was scared
and she had lived with that fright so long that she forgot what it felt like to be happy
or at least that kind of happy
she had been holding on so long that her fingers formed a permanent grasp around the rope on her heart
and she couldn't even remember what it felt like to let go
she was two steps away from perfection
one step away from disaster
about a half step away from everything she wanted
and another half step away from everything she lost
maybe her cynicism didn't get the best of her
maybe she gave the best of her to him
or maybe he's holding the best of her because he brought it out of her
either way, maybe she doesn't have it
maybe it's somewhere buried deep inside
or in a skyrise apartment
or the cinder block walls of a miniscule dorm room
sometimes she knew she asked for too much
sometimes she knew she settled for too little
sometimes she knew she let the right thing
slip right between her fingers
and other times she knew it was never there all along.

love freely,
tY

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Love is all you need.

All you need are a few good friends. Because love is great and wonderful and exquisite but if you don't have a few good girls who will let you act crazy or make completely inappropriate jokes or talk about the odd things that happen during your hookups, I believe your life is lacking in substance. Why so serious? Sometimes it reminds you who you are when you get to laugh and be silly with people who are super important to you.

Love is all you need.

Love freely,
tY

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A lost art

College kids do not date; they hook up. Trust me, I am one. I know. I'm halfway through my college career and I can count the amount of dates I've been on in college on one hand.

Nights of going to the movies or going to dinner are reserved for cute high school kids in puppy love and married couples. Twenty somethings? No. All we want to do is call someone up at 1:30am and casually ask "what are you up to?" As if we expect them to say anything other than "nothing, wanna chill?" And, despite the fact that I fall into this same category many times, I can't help but feel a little bit sad about the lost art of dating.

Sure, we don't have THAT much money to wine and dine someone or travel to distant lands. But, dating is simply supposed to be having fun and getting to know someone else while enjoying their company. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. Without disclosing too much of my life, the best date I've ever been on was at a bookstore sitting down, reading. Absolutely free unless you count the gas money it took to get there.

We don't date anymore. We "talk" and we "hook up" but we've lost what it means to DATE. Tyece's blog challenge to you? New school year is right around the corner. Go on a date this year. Just one date. It doesn't have to amount to a relationship. It doesn't even have to amount to a kiss at the end. But, go out with someone and enjoy their company. Key phrase: GO OUT. Dorm room is NOT allowed. And, make it before the wee hours of the morning, kids. Please.

I, too, will live up to my own challenge and blog about it later.

Love freely,
tY

Monday, August 17, 2009

I enjoy these lyrics. Thought you might, too.

excerpt from India Arie--Heart of the Matter (saw her perform this song this summer. amazing.)

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Love freely,
tY

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Nice Guys Finish Last...


N--never

I--interesting

C--can't

E--engage


Nice isn't the first word I would use to describe myself. So, when talk about me getting together with a "nice" guy surfaced, I wasn't really enthused.


In theory, nice guys are good to have. Being sweet and chivalrous and all of those things are cute and every woman wants them, even if they don't admit it. But, does nice get boring after awhile?


I'm not one to ever envision my ideal man...or wedding...or anything pertaining to romance and my future because it's unrealistic and corny. BUT, when I think of someone who would keep me interested for the long haul, I think of someone who challenges me. Someone who isn't afraid to argue or debate or disagree. I wouldn't want a yes-man. And nice and challenging are rare. Existent but rare.

Having good intentions, being sensitive and open-minded and compromising...those are certainly things to be valued in a person. That doesn't necessarily mean a person is nice and maybe that's a good thing.
Love freely,
tY

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Decisions, decisions.

People fall in love and they forget about themselves.

No, no, that's not an opinion. It's a fact.

Awhile ago, a friend and I were chatting about one of his would-have-been co-workers who switched from one office to another to work with his girlfriend.

Friend and I decided this was a very dumb idea.

When we fall in love, it's hard to not want to be around that special person all the time. And, when circumstances like school or work try to pull us apart, we can become blinded and want to take the easy road out, sometimes sacrificing our personal wishes, dreams, etc for the advancement of the one we love.

This type of selfless behavior is fine... when there's a shiny piece of jewelry wrapped around your left ring finger.

People in marriages have to make sacrifices. Sometimes it means moving across the country for the good of your family or maybe even for a spouse's career advancement. Things like that happen.

However, when you are young, even when you are young and perhaps seriously committed, it's my personal belief that you should still focus on self. If things with that special person are meant to be, they will be. But, in the long run, if you want to take a job offer in California while you're lovely person is in New York, isn't that a risk you have to be willing to take? Aren't you ultimately making yourself a better person so that YOUR person is with the best YOU that they can be with?

Be selfish so that years from now, you can be selfless and that can be OK.

Love freely,
tY

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tell me what they know about my love...


Back from my NYC hiatus.


I've included the cover of the August issue of Vibe for your viewing pleasure.


Oh, these silly silly celebs.


The title of the story is my favorite: Crazy in Love. So original. I love it.
Love is blinding, effervescent, and numbing. It makes you want to tell anyone you know how you feel and how happy you are. And, that's cute. But TRUE love, REAL love is the kind of love you preserve and keep private.
If this cover isn't thee world's best publicity stunt, then it's the most unintelligent act a couple, especially a celebrity couple, could ever commit.
We don't see Beyonce and Jay-Z holding each other half-naked on the cover of magazines. Even at award shows when you see them, their interactions are intimate without being over-the-top. No one knows the depth of their relationship and isn't that exactly how it should be?
At some point, one's personal life has to be just that--personal. Keeping the small and subtle moments like a kiss during a cuddle session or words like "I love you" or "I missed you" private only makes your relationship more special. A lot of those relationship rarities are like inside jokes; they are best when kept in between the two people who shared them.
The Dream: I can tell you exactly what I know about your love. If you can flaunt it around on the covers of hot pink magazines, it's probably not as real as you think.
Love freely,
tY