In the words of Monica, "don't take it personal."

There are many reasons why I hate relationships. There are also many reasons why I hate singleness. See, I'm fair.

But, today, we're going to talk about a reason why I hate relationships.

It's the "taking it too personally" factor.

Two people in a relationship and two people in love are individuals, but they are also a unit. That unit is tied physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. which can be a detriment at times.

OK, enough psychobabble. Let's dissect an example of "taking it too personally."

note: imagine yourself a wee bit older if you're in college...say 24/25ish where you would have a real job.

You've been dating this amazing guy and in the beginning, all he wants to do is spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with you. You kiss, you cuddle, you go out. Cute. But, eventually his job cracks down on him (or maybe his job was always strict but he found loopholes to spend time with you) and work requires him to spend longer nights at the office or cancel dinners. A few times you just let it go, but it goes from being occasional to frequent as you realize his job as a lawyer or investment banker (OK, maybe imagine that you're 28ish) requires unreasonably long hours.

You call the office late one night.

"You don't love me anymore! I miss you! Why won't you spend time with me?"

Clearly, the man is busy and now, because of your tirade, he's annoyed.

Stop being so selfish. He still loves you. But he also loves money (and you probably love his money, too, so it's in your best interest to keep quiet.)

Note: This scenario is worse and a lot more likely to end quickly if you're not even dating the person yet. Clingy is written all over your forehead and if you've read my previous posts, I'm not a fan of clingy girls.

In life, we all have priorities. This scenario could easily be reversed with a woman working late and a man ranting (See, I'm fair.) We all have obligations that trump time with our significant others. They don't trump the affection we have for them or how much we love them. Because as much as we love them, we should also love ourselves to want to improve ourselves and excel. This is just real life and as much as we might want to curl up in bed with our baby all afternoon, corporate America is calling. And, if you don't answer, you might not be able to afford the roof that covers that nice bed that you want to curl up in.

The best thing to do is find someone who fulfills your time requirements or get real and understand that just because his job is calling doesn't mean he doesn't care about you (note: option 2 is much harder.) And, when his job is calling, you shouldn't be.

You can't control the inevitable. If you fell for an investment banker, then you had to understand from the beginning that, well, you're girlfriend number 2. That office with a view of the city is girlfriend number 1.

Love freely,
tY