Once a cheater, always a cheater??

Visualize.

You're out on a first date with a guy. He's sweet, charming, attractive...pretty much all you need and want for a first date. You start talking about past relationships and you ask a dangerous question: "Have you ever cheated?" His response: "Yes."

Do you run for the hills or stick around for seconds?

Let's try to dissect the age old question: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

According to menstuff.org, 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men have an extramarital affair during their marriage. (Wow, this closely aligns with the 50% divorce statistic. Coincidence?)

Society is usually quick to condemn cheating. For most of us, it's the epitome of unethical, disrespectful, and arguably unforgivable, behavior. Yet, the stats don't lie. People cheat. Ethics are out the window.

Back to your first date and your sweet guy who admitted he has cheated.

You have to give the poor guy some credit for being honest, especially right in the beginning. Honesty is vital and it's impossible not to appreciate someone being open. And, if your sweet guy admits to having learned from his mistake, that's also respectable.

But, how much did he learn?

Maybe he saw how much he hurt his girl and would never want to inflict that pain upon anyone again. Maybe he learned that it's not worth the guilt and regret.

It's important to give people second chances. I wouldn't immediately write off the ex cheater but I also would take this as a red flag. A serious red flag. It might be OK that he cheated on the first date, but six months later when he's coming home later and later, it definitely won't be OK. As the timeless saying goes, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well, you know the rest.

Despite our ability to change, apologizing for behavior and realizing it's wrong does not immediately translate into erasing the behavior. Erasing such a behavior requires conscious effort and hard work.

If you do decide to walk after he admits to cheating, I wouldn't be too worried. There's probably someone a little more forgiving right around the corner. And, if he cheats on her, perhaps you made a good choice.

Once a cheater, always a cheater? Who's to say? But, once you've been warned, you've always been warned.

Love freely,
tY