I once heard if you are friends with an ex it means you're either not done dating or not done breaking up.
Befriending an ex is one of those things people feel strongly about. You know, like politics or race. Or whether or not a mother should breast feed in public. You get the point.
I don't like to provide opinions that are too broad or ill-informed in these posts, but I will say I kind of agree with the "either not done dating or not done breaking up" comment. See, relationships are hard. Friendships can be even harder. Everyone tries to pull that, "We'll always be friends" card, but how feasible is that really? While many relationships begin as friendships, they transform into something much bigger, and quite frankly, much less manageable. They become these entities that are bigger than ourselves and we don't know how to tame them or transform them once the relationship is over.
Do I think befriending an ex is impossible? No, not by any means. But, I do believe it can become a disaster if you aren't coming from the right place--and that means a place where you're willing to completely bury your old feelings and accept your place as a friend. You know all those special privileges you get as a bf or gf when your significant other always answers your calls no matter what and will listen to you cry till 5am about really dumb things that no one cares about? Yeah, some of those privileges are gonna be gone. And, while I'm making light of it, that's a hard pill to swallow.
If you're considering befriending an ex, tread with caution. I always say--if we break up, we're only breaking up once. We're not breaking up, becoming friends, hitting that gray area, and having to break up all over again. No time for that--I have new episodes of Glee to watch.
Finish dating or finishing breaking up and, if you don't have the patience or energy to befriend the person, move on.
Love freely,
tY
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