It's no secret--breaking up is hard to do. So, I kind of developed a theory.
This theory goes against a lot of the independence/female empowerment rah rah love yourself stance that I am such an advocate of. That sentence just ended with a preposition, oops.
Anyway, it's the 99% theory.
Getting over a break up, no matter how it ended, takes a significant amount of time and focused energy. Everyone has ways of doing it--some being more healthy than others--but everyone figures it out, eventually. I guess. I hope? The 99% theory proposes that you can get 99% over someone by yourself, all on your own doing, with your big girl (or boy) pants on. But, the added 1%, the thing that makes you completely know that the last effed up break up was meant to happen, is when the right person, the better person, comes in and makes you realize everything was meant to be.
Again, I think my own theory has some holes in it and I would really like to believe that people can get over something 100% by themselves. And, it's also not fair to put the next person in this silly situation where they're being compared to the last person and are hopefully exceeding the standards that the other person failed. But, hey, it's a theory--it's falsifiable as I learned in my quantitative methods class. :)
Breaking up is hard to do--and how much of it is up to you?
Love freely,
tY
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Short Message Service.
Who knew homework could spark a blog post?
I was just reading about the rise of texting so of course, I found a way to relate it to free love. Texting is a monumental force in the way relationships are being run in the 21st century. Instead of writing paragraph after paragraph about it, I just figured I'd create a list. So, here it is:
The Top Ways Texting Rules, Reigns, Runs and Ruins Relationships.
1) The hookup aka the booty call: It's never been easier. All it takes is a simple, "Hey, what are you doing?" and within an hour, it's on like donkey kong. Yes, I went there.
2) The breakup: According to my reading, former Finnish Prime Minister, Matti Vanhanen, made headlines when he dumped his girlfriend via text. You thought breaking up with someone on the phone was bad? Oh, get ready for a revolution.
3) The long distance relationship: I should just say "story of my life" and end the sentence right there, but I'll add a bit more. Texting can be a godsend for LDRs, when it's not always possible to carry long conversations via phone and when you haven't yet upgraded to Skype.
4) The relationship: Convenient, easy, and efficient. Making life easier for men across the globe who don't enjoy 4 hours spent on the phone with their ears getting all hot from the thing.
5) The drunk text: Forget calling your ex and telling him that you miss him so much your heart's going to explode. In that case, you risk vomiting mid sentence and sounding like an idiot. Now, he can just read into your idiocy in 160 characters or less. Vomit avoided.
6) The text argument: A personal favorite of mine. Instead of just calling me and yelling, you decide to WRITE IN REALLY BIG LETTERS AND SEND ME 14 CONSECUTIVE TEXT MESSAGES TRYING TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. Good use of my time. Great, in fact.
7) The initial meeting: If you're still initially calling someone after you get their number, please know that the person isn't picking up because they believe you're a creeper. And, well, if you call them instead of text...you kind of are.
8) Misreading words, punctuation, and emoticons: God help if he says "I luv u" instead of "I love you." Certainly, with the former, he couldn't have really meant it! (note my use of an exclamation point.)
9) The make-up: Saying I'm sorry has never been easier...when you don't have to actually say it.
Bottom line? Texting has probably helped relationships just as much as it has killed them. With most of my examples, there's a very simple underlying principle: people. don't. talk. anymore. Yeah, texting makes things a lot easier and less awkward, but only when used as a supplement, not a substitute, to human interaction. Nothing's ever going to replace the art of a great conversation, the warmth of someone curled up next to you, or the adrenaline rush you get when you curse somebody out (or is that just me?)
I hope dis helped u. Gnite.
Love freely,
tY
I was just reading about the rise of texting so of course, I found a way to relate it to free love. Texting is a monumental force in the way relationships are being run in the 21st century. Instead of writing paragraph after paragraph about it, I just figured I'd create a list. So, here it is:
The Top Ways Texting Rules, Reigns, Runs and Ruins Relationships.
1) The hookup aka the booty call: It's never been easier. All it takes is a simple, "Hey, what are you doing?" and within an hour, it's on like donkey kong. Yes, I went there.
2) The breakup: According to my reading, former Finnish Prime Minister, Matti Vanhanen, made headlines when he dumped his girlfriend via text. You thought breaking up with someone on the phone was bad? Oh, get ready for a revolution.
3) The long distance relationship: I should just say "story of my life" and end the sentence right there, but I'll add a bit more. Texting can be a godsend for LDRs, when it's not always possible to carry long conversations via phone and when you haven't yet upgraded to Skype.
4) The relationship: Convenient, easy, and efficient. Making life easier for men across the globe who don't enjoy 4 hours spent on the phone with their ears getting all hot from the thing.
5) The drunk text: Forget calling your ex and telling him that you miss him so much your heart's going to explode. In that case, you risk vomiting mid sentence and sounding like an idiot. Now, he can just read into your idiocy in 160 characters or less. Vomit avoided.
6) The text argument: A personal favorite of mine. Instead of just calling me and yelling, you decide to WRITE IN REALLY BIG LETTERS AND SEND ME 14 CONSECUTIVE TEXT MESSAGES TRYING TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. Good use of my time. Great, in fact.
7) The initial meeting: If you're still initially calling someone after you get their number, please know that the person isn't picking up because they believe you're a creeper. And, well, if you call them instead of text...you kind of are.
8) Misreading words, punctuation, and emoticons: God help if he says "I luv u" instead of "I love you." Certainly, with the former, he couldn't have really meant it! (note my use of an exclamation point.)
9) The make-up: Saying I'm sorry has never been easier...when you don't have to actually say it.
Bottom line? Texting has probably helped relationships just as much as it has killed them. With most of my examples, there's a very simple underlying principle: people. don't. talk. anymore. Yeah, texting makes things a lot easier and less awkward, but only when used as a supplement, not a substitute, to human interaction. Nothing's ever going to replace the art of a great conversation, the warmth of someone curled up next to you, or the adrenaline rush you get when you curse somebody out (or is that just me?)
I hope dis helped u. Gnite.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Why Can't We Be Friends?
I once heard if you are friends with an ex it means you're either not done dating or not done breaking up.
Befriending an ex is one of those things people feel strongly about. You know, like politics or race. Or whether or not a mother should breast feed in public. You get the point.
I don't like to provide opinions that are too broad or ill-informed in these posts, but I will say I kind of agree with the "either not done dating or not done breaking up" comment. See, relationships are hard. Friendships can be even harder. Everyone tries to pull that, "We'll always be friends" card, but how feasible is that really? While many relationships begin as friendships, they transform into something much bigger, and quite frankly, much less manageable. They become these entities that are bigger than ourselves and we don't know how to tame them or transform them once the relationship is over.
Do I think befriending an ex is impossible? No, not by any means. But, I do believe it can become a disaster if you aren't coming from the right place--and that means a place where you're willing to completely bury your old feelings and accept your place as a friend. You know all those special privileges you get as a bf or gf when your significant other always answers your calls no matter what and will listen to you cry till 5am about really dumb things that no one cares about? Yeah, some of those privileges are gonna be gone. And, while I'm making light of it, that's a hard pill to swallow.
If you're considering befriending an ex, tread with caution. I always say--if we break up, we're only breaking up once. We're not breaking up, becoming friends, hitting that gray area, and having to break up all over again. No time for that--I have new episodes of Glee to watch.
Finish dating or finishing breaking up and, if you don't have the patience or energy to befriend the person, move on.
Love freely,
tY
Befriending an ex is one of those things people feel strongly about. You know, like politics or race. Or whether or not a mother should breast feed in public. You get the point.
I don't like to provide opinions that are too broad or ill-informed in these posts, but I will say I kind of agree with the "either not done dating or not done breaking up" comment. See, relationships are hard. Friendships can be even harder. Everyone tries to pull that, "We'll always be friends" card, but how feasible is that really? While many relationships begin as friendships, they transform into something much bigger, and quite frankly, much less manageable. They become these entities that are bigger than ourselves and we don't know how to tame them or transform them once the relationship is over.
Do I think befriending an ex is impossible? No, not by any means. But, I do believe it can become a disaster if you aren't coming from the right place--and that means a place where you're willing to completely bury your old feelings and accept your place as a friend. You know all those special privileges you get as a bf or gf when your significant other always answers your calls no matter what and will listen to you cry till 5am about really dumb things that no one cares about? Yeah, some of those privileges are gonna be gone. And, while I'm making light of it, that's a hard pill to swallow.
If you're considering befriending an ex, tread with caution. I always say--if we break up, we're only breaking up once. We're not breaking up, becoming friends, hitting that gray area, and having to break up all over again. No time for that--I have new episodes of Glee to watch.
Finish dating or finishing breaking up and, if you don't have the patience or energy to befriend the person, move on.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Battle of the Sexes
Shout out to my best friend for inspiring this post with a convo we had earlier.
It's no secret that in some relationships, people get screwed over. However, I always think about women getting screwed over by that jerk of a guy...I guess that's because I'm part of the female club. But, men get messed up just as much as women do. Women can be just as manipulative and conniving, if not more.
So, the question: What's worse--a woman scorned or a man scorned?
Women often times are the ones to reference their past experiences with their friends and are quick to say, "Well that terrible guy I dated did this so your guy is going to do the same." But, is that scorned or just jaded? Men won't draw such silly parallels...but once they've been effed up, they're pretty much at the point of no return.
I'm no psychologist so I don't know WHY this is but I would guess it's because it's much harder for men to let their guards down so once they do, it's going going gone. Women are MUCH more tolerant than men and while no heartbreak or betrayal is easy to bounce back from, women are more likely to put that memory deeper and deeper into the back of their minds until the memory has virtually dissolved. Men may stick that memory in the back but it doesn't go away quite as easily.
So. The simple answer. In my humble opinion, a man scorned is much worse.
This is the part where I write a witty sign off. I got nothing tonight. Don't scorn, don't scar, don't screw with people. Men need love, too.
Love freely,
tY
It's no secret that in some relationships, people get screwed over. However, I always think about women getting screwed over by that jerk of a guy...I guess that's because I'm part of the female club. But, men get messed up just as much as women do. Women can be just as manipulative and conniving, if not more.
So, the question: What's worse--a woman scorned or a man scorned?
Women often times are the ones to reference their past experiences with their friends and are quick to say, "Well that terrible guy I dated did this so your guy is going to do the same." But, is that scorned or just jaded? Men won't draw such silly parallels...but once they've been effed up, they're pretty much at the point of no return.
I'm no psychologist so I don't know WHY this is but I would guess it's because it's much harder for men to let their guards down so once they do, it's going going gone. Women are MUCH more tolerant than men and while no heartbreak or betrayal is easy to bounce back from, women are more likely to put that memory deeper and deeper into the back of their minds until the memory has virtually dissolved. Men may stick that memory in the back but it doesn't go away quite as easily.
So. The simple answer. In my humble opinion, a man scorned is much worse.
This is the part where I write a witty sign off. I got nothing tonight. Don't scorn, don't scar, don't screw with people. Men need love, too.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, September 13, 2010
Better Off
I'm bringing it back to second grade: inequalities. (Wow, I was terrible at those. I don't know why I couldn't understand them...the mouth eats the greater number! Anyway.)
Today, as I perambulated on campus to Annapolis Hall, I realized I had taken this same trip many months before on an errand for one of my bosses. I also remembered that during that trip many months ago, I nearly burst into tears during one of the infamous "e-mail arguments" that plagued my life at the time. I read line after line on my Gmail, trying to balance walking, reading and carrying a stack of papers with blurry tear-stained eyes.
Today, my walk was different. It was sunny, I was rocking to Erykah Badu and I wasn't worried about balancing my Blackberry with some Gmail nonsense.
Now, you may or may not be able to decipher why things are different now. You may or may not already know. And, I may or may not explicitly tell you why. Ok, I may not but I think you get the point.
After a breakup, it's hard to see or feel beyond that initial earth-shattering volcano that your heart just erupted into. It's easy to dwell, only be able to think about the good times, and miss the person beyond what should even be considered acceptable. But, with a little time and distance from the person, you can start to see that all that glittered wasn't gold and, as cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason.
So, what's the inequality?
Sometimes the pain of missing someone < the benefit and beauty of riding solo
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Late night thoughts.
Dating is a funny game.
Often times, when we think of relationships, we think of being in deep, that Savage Garden Truly Madly Deeply kind of stuff. And, if you get to that point, that is a really wonderful part of relationships.
But, what about the beginning?
The first conversations, the jitters you get...opening up to someone who knows nothing about your past. It's all a part of a cycle and it's easy to get caught up in heavy details in the beginning. But, in the end, all you can do is be yourself and enjoy the ride.
Every person you cross, if they hang around long enough and prove worthwhile, will be a story in your book.
So, start writing.
Love freely,
tY
Often times, when we think of relationships, we think of being in deep, that Savage Garden Truly Madly Deeply kind of stuff. And, if you get to that point, that is a really wonderful part of relationships.
But, what about the beginning?
The first conversations, the jitters you get...opening up to someone who knows nothing about your past. It's all a part of a cycle and it's easy to get caught up in heavy details in the beginning. But, in the end, all you can do is be yourself and enjoy the ride.
Every person you cross, if they hang around long enough and prove worthwhile, will be a story in your book.
So, start writing.
Love freely,
tY
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Dasani
Today, I watched an episode of the Real World New Orleans and Preston was avoiding calling his new love interest his boyfriend because he wasn't a fan of labels. Got me to thinking. Which got me to blogging.
Most of us don't take calling someone our boyfriend or girlfriend very lightly. It's a title that comes along with a huge commitment and a lot of responsibility and effort. The days of putting that label on someone after a few days or weeks are reserved for the immature "love" of middle school. But, why do we need the label?
I believe there are two theories when it comes to this idea. One theory maintains that until two people explicitly state the label, it does not exist and you are free to do as you please. The other theory maintains that some relationships just fall into relationships and there is an implied understanding between two people.
There are pros and cons to both theories. If we see relationships as a precept before marriage, wouldn't we want them to be explicitly stated? It's not as though "I pronounce you husband and wife" can be implied by some reverend somewhere in the air. But, for some people, labels are scary and they suddenly force them to act differently. They are cumbersome and unnecessary.
If in fact you believe in labels, my hope is that you believe in them for yourself and not for the fact that you want to have "in a relationship" as your Facebook status. And, if in fact you do not believe in them, I hope you know that just because something isn't labeled doesn't mean it can't be unlabeled. Meaning, if you fall into a pretty solid relationship without ever calling the other person your significant other, it's still a breakup if you break up. Make sense, kids?
Some things do deserve to be explicitly stated, especially to make sure both parties are on the same page. But, at the end of the day, a bottle of water is still a bottle of water whether there's a blue Dasani sticker on it or not. The Dasani sticker (or Fiji or Deerpark or whatever you drink) only makes it more recognizable and appealing to others. But, when you ingest it, you know what it is.
Love freely,
tY
Most of us don't take calling someone our boyfriend or girlfriend very lightly. It's a title that comes along with a huge commitment and a lot of responsibility and effort. The days of putting that label on someone after a few days or weeks are reserved for the immature "love" of middle school. But, why do we need the label?
I believe there are two theories when it comes to this idea. One theory maintains that until two people explicitly state the label, it does not exist and you are free to do as you please. The other theory maintains that some relationships just fall into relationships and there is an implied understanding between two people.
There are pros and cons to both theories. If we see relationships as a precept before marriage, wouldn't we want them to be explicitly stated? It's not as though "I pronounce you husband and wife" can be implied by some reverend somewhere in the air. But, for some people, labels are scary and they suddenly force them to act differently. They are cumbersome and unnecessary.
If in fact you believe in labels, my hope is that you believe in them for yourself and not for the fact that you want to have "in a relationship" as your Facebook status. And, if in fact you do not believe in them, I hope you know that just because something isn't labeled doesn't mean it can't be unlabeled. Meaning, if you fall into a pretty solid relationship without ever calling the other person your significant other, it's still a breakup if you break up. Make sense, kids?
Some things do deserve to be explicitly stated, especially to make sure both parties are on the same page. But, at the end of the day, a bottle of water is still a bottle of water whether there's a blue Dasani sticker on it or not. The Dasani sticker (or Fiji or Deerpark or whatever you drink) only makes it more recognizable and appealing to others. But, when you ingest it, you know what it is.
Love freely,
tY
Friday, September 3, 2010
Let's Talk About Sex
Alright, listen. I'm going to start talking about sex. This blog is my child. I own it. I rant and rave about it to strangers. I sometimes neglect it (parents shouldn't do that but um they probably do) and I give it all of my attention and love, most of the time. So, I've decided to start talking about sex.
I haven't breached the topic of sex explicitly because it's a pretty sticky subject (ooo, no pun intended) for me, for you, and probably even for Obama. (Sorry, he was in my dream last night...I was babysitting his children...anyway, I digress). And, I like writing about love, this universal intangible thing that's either our best friend or our worst enemy. And, love will always be my first priority on this thing so don't get too excited because you saw the word es ee ex.
But, I got to thinking that sex and love go hand in hand. And, THEN I got to thinking...well, do they?
Welcome to today's blog post, kids.
I think this idea that sex and love go hand in hand varies from person to person, relationship to relationship, men to women, etc. I won't give you my personal take on this at the moment because I don't want to skew this post too much. I've just observed that more and more, my generation (that I love to harp on so much) is trying to become masters of the casual hookup, completely negating the idea that sex is some powerful, earth shattering entity between two people who are crazy in love. I really don't think people my age go out on dates anymore. Goodness gracious.
Whether or not you think sex and love should go hand in hand is your business. I've heard stories on the radio about people who hook up the first night they meet and 3 years later, get married. I believe they are an exception to the rule but you are entitled to your opinion.
I will leave you with this thought. Sex. Love. Whether the two entities are married or not, know which one you're after. If it's the latter, you may have to hold out on the former for a bit. And, well, if it's the former...knock yourself out.
Love freely,
tY
I haven't breached the topic of sex explicitly because it's a pretty sticky subject (ooo, no pun intended) for me, for you, and probably even for Obama. (Sorry, he was in my dream last night...I was babysitting his children...anyway, I digress). And, I like writing about love, this universal intangible thing that's either our best friend or our worst enemy. And, love will always be my first priority on this thing so don't get too excited because you saw the word es ee ex.
But, I got to thinking that sex and love go hand in hand. And, THEN I got to thinking...well, do they?
Welcome to today's blog post, kids.
I think this idea that sex and love go hand in hand varies from person to person, relationship to relationship, men to women, etc. I won't give you my personal take on this at the moment because I don't want to skew this post too much. I've just observed that more and more, my generation (that I love to harp on so much) is trying to become masters of the casual hookup, completely negating the idea that sex is some powerful, earth shattering entity between two people who are crazy in love. I really don't think people my age go out on dates anymore. Goodness gracious.
Whether or not you think sex and love should go hand in hand is your business. I've heard stories on the radio about people who hook up the first night they meet and 3 years later, get married. I believe they are an exception to the rule but you are entitled to your opinion.
I will leave you with this thought. Sex. Love. Whether the two entities are married or not, know which one you're after. If it's the latter, you may have to hold out on the former for a bit. And, well, if it's the former...knock yourself out.
Love freely,
tY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)