I must look to the heavens and express a little gratitude. Why? I've never (knock on wood) had a significant other cheat on me (well...at least to my knowledge.) So, my opinion on this issue is a little slanted but hey, isn't that why you read this because I have opinions?
Cutting to the chase: do you take a cheater back?
Now, I'm talking about the person you've been in a relationship so long that you can't even remember what life was like without them. This isn't just someone who you can or want to chuck easily. This is like life and death and sugar and spice and...I have no idea where I was going with that but you get the point.
As already stated, my advice does not come from a point of personal experience but rather a point of logic. And, my answer is, quite simply, no.
I do believe in the power of apologies and forgiveness. Trust me, I do. But, I also believe the level of trust that is breached once a person has cheated is irreconcilable. When a person cheats, the non cheater in the relationship could possibly have leverage over that other person and you can't live in a relationship with one ups. Meanwhile, the cheater spends the rest of the relationship's lifespan trying to prove him or herself and gain back the trust that they so easily tossed out the window.
Conclusion: cheating is a relationship's ultimate death sentence. Get ready to walk to the electric chair, folks.
And, so as not to end on such a morbid note, keep it in your pants unless your bf/gf tugs at your belt.
Love freely,
tY
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Post 200!
What better way to celebrate my 200th post than by saying...
The blog is a book, bitch!
Yeah, you heard it right. All of my entries up until Dinnertime Pt 2 are now a book. It's exciting to see my work in print, if only for the shear enjoyment of showing it to my apartment guests.
Here's to the book, the blog, and most importantly, to love.
Love freely,
tY
The blog is a book, bitch!
Yeah, you heard it right. All of my entries up until Dinnertime Pt 2 are now a book. It's exciting to see my work in print, if only for the shear enjoyment of showing it to my apartment guests.
Here's to the book, the blog, and most importantly, to love.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Persona
We've all been there. You get into a relationship and that person is ooey gooey wonderfulness when they are with you. Then, all of a sudden he gets around his friends and it's like the person you dated and smothered with kisses has vanished. Who is this asshole?
If someone tells you they are the same person all the time with everyone, that person is lying. Call their bluff.
While the core of who we are should remain solid, we do change based on our environment and the people in it. So, what happens when your significant other seems to be a completely different person outside of your relationship bubble?
The relationship bubble is a beautiful warm yummy place. Relationships soften us. They make us vulnerable and they make us change. And, as great as the relationship bubble is, it's also important to see how your significant other functions when they are not just with you because chances are, the person will not always be with you. If you don't like what you see, address it. And, if it doesn't change...step.
Easier for you to make moves than to try and change someone.
So, go to that family BBQ. Go to the best friend's wedding. Get to know your boobear outside of the cuddle sessions in the boudoir.
Love freely,
tY
If someone tells you they are the same person all the time with everyone, that person is lying. Call their bluff.
While the core of who we are should remain solid, we do change based on our environment and the people in it. So, what happens when your significant other seems to be a completely different person outside of your relationship bubble?
The relationship bubble is a beautiful warm yummy place. Relationships soften us. They make us vulnerable and they make us change. And, as great as the relationship bubble is, it's also important to see how your significant other functions when they are not just with you because chances are, the person will not always be with you. If you don't like what you see, address it. And, if it doesn't change...step.
Easier for you to make moves than to try and change someone.
So, go to that family BBQ. Go to the best friend's wedding. Get to know your boobear outside of the cuddle sessions in the boudoir.
Love freely,
tY
Monday, August 9, 2010
Dinnertime Pt. 2
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It's no secret that being attractive helps you out in life. Ever heard of a little thing called the halo effect? Whether we admit it or not, we judge people based on their looks. And, as humans, I don't think we should be faulted for that. We've been conditioned that way. Physical attraction is pretty much the only basis we have for being attracted to someone right away because we always see a person before we hear them speak, laugh, etc.
So, what's the point of all this psychobabble? Well, my problem (and today's blog post) comes in when super attractive people think they can get away with being empty shells just because they are so hot. Unfortunately, your pretty brown eyes (hums mint condition) can't talk, make interesting points, or make someone laugh. Too many people think that being attractive should get them everything they want out of life...as if they shouldn't have to work for anything.
Well, wrong.
God willing, one day you'll be 65 and you won't be nearly as attractive as you are now (unless you're way more fortunate than the rest of us) and you will need something (aka a personality) to get you through. So, consider yourself lucky if you're blessed with good looks because they will help you out in life and that's not a problem. But, get a hobby. Find something interesting to talk about. Because, a personality will get you a lot further than your body and face combined.
Remember: a pretty face will get you to the dinner, but it won't get you through the dinner.
Love freely,
tY
It's no secret that being attractive helps you out in life. Ever heard of a little thing called the halo effect? Whether we admit it or not, we judge people based on their looks. And, as humans, I don't think we should be faulted for that. We've been conditioned that way. Physical attraction is pretty much the only basis we have for being attracted to someone right away because we always see a person before we hear them speak, laugh, etc.
So, what's the point of all this psychobabble? Well, my problem (and today's blog post) comes in when super attractive people think they can get away with being empty shells just because they are so hot. Unfortunately, your pretty brown eyes (hums mint condition) can't talk, make interesting points, or make someone laugh. Too many people think that being attractive should get them everything they want out of life...as if they shouldn't have to work for anything.
Well, wrong.
God willing, one day you'll be 65 and you won't be nearly as attractive as you are now (unless you're way more fortunate than the rest of us) and you will need something (aka a personality) to get you through. So, consider yourself lucky if you're blessed with good looks because they will help you out in life and that's not a problem. But, get a hobby. Find something interesting to talk about. Because, a personality will get you a lot further than your body and face combined.
Remember: a pretty face will get you to the dinner, but it won't get you through the dinner.
Love freely,
tY
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Numbers Don't Lie.
Alright, it's no secret. I'm black. Let's do this.
Let's start with a statistic: 42% of black women have never been married. Another statistic: 70% of professional black women are single. Check out more at: http://online.worldmag.com/2010/08/04/the-black-marriage-crisis/
This blog is a bit personal for me because, like most women, I want to get married and I'm not blind to these stats. In fact, I've had times in my life when they've consumed me and ruined my optimism.
The irony is that going to school and not being a complete loaf is supposed to help make you catch. Unfortunately, for black women, it seems to just make you a number. And, because of this, black women start to question their standards and substitute what's available for what they truly want.
Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.
Perhaps I'm getting on my angry black woman soap box, but just as I said in my last blog post, you have every right to ask for what you bring to the table. I read a book a few years ago called "Better Single Than Sorry" and I think that epitomizes this situation. Settling for something isn't always better than walking away with nothing.
Don't forget that compromise is important and actually quite pertinent. But, don't confuse compromise with giving in. Empty pockets suck...but pockets that weigh you down are even worse.
Love freely,
tY
Let's start with a statistic: 42% of black women have never been married. Another statistic: 70% of professional black women are single. Check out more at: http://online.worldmag.com/2010/08/04/the-black-marriage-crisis/
This blog is a bit personal for me because, like most women, I want to get married and I'm not blind to these stats. In fact, I've had times in my life when they've consumed me and ruined my optimism.
The irony is that going to school and not being a complete loaf is supposed to help make you catch. Unfortunately, for black women, it seems to just make you a number. And, because of this, black women start to question their standards and substitute what's available for what they truly want.
Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.
Perhaps I'm getting on my angry black woman soap box, but just as I said in my last blog post, you have every right to ask for what you bring to the table. I read a book a few years ago called "Better Single Than Sorry" and I think that epitomizes this situation. Settling for something isn't always better than walking away with nothing.
Don't forget that compromise is important and actually quite pertinent. But, don't confuse compromise with giving in. Empty pockets suck...but pockets that weigh you down are even worse.
Love freely,
tY
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dinnertime Pt 1.
Food inspires me.
As I was talking to a friend today, I said something and didn't realize how true it was until I said it. (Do you ever have moments like that?)
I said, "You shouldn't expect to eat if you didn't bring anything to the table."
Too many times, I hear people run off a laundry list of standards for a potential mate when they themselves do not come close to meeting those qualities. I don't think it's fair or wise to expect your mate to bring in 6 figures when you're work place is the couch. You shouldn't say you want someone who's smart and can hold down a great conversation when the only interesting thing you talk about is the perplexing ending to the Hills finale or whether or not Kourtney should stay with Scott.
Relationships are like potlucks. If you bring something, you have every right to expect something scrumptious in return. But, no one likes the person who just shows up, mouth open, hands empty.
Grab a fork and let's eat.
Love freely,
tY
As I was talking to a friend today, I said something and didn't realize how true it was until I said it. (Do you ever have moments like that?)
I said, "You shouldn't expect to eat if you didn't bring anything to the table."
Too many times, I hear people run off a laundry list of standards for a potential mate when they themselves do not come close to meeting those qualities. I don't think it's fair or wise to expect your mate to bring in 6 figures when you're work place is the couch. You shouldn't say you want someone who's smart and can hold down a great conversation when the only interesting thing you talk about is the perplexing ending to the Hills finale or whether or not Kourtney should stay with Scott.
Relationships are like potlucks. If you bring something, you have every right to expect something scrumptious in return. But, no one likes the person who just shows up, mouth open, hands empty.
Grab a fork and let's eat.
Love freely,
tY
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