Limits

Merry Christmas, Happy End of Finals, Happy almost 2011...all that.

Friends with benefits, known for this post as FWB, is not a bad invention when used properly. Like most other fine entities in life, there's an art to it...a way to dodge feelings and emotions and focus on what is most important--getting _________. Fill in the blank however you'd like. I'd personally choose a word that begins with O and rhymes with hoff.

Ok, a bit stoic of me. Oops. But, the issue with FWB or like or lust or anything that is not that ultimate head over heels love is that you reach a point where you have to censor yourself, and more specifically, your heart. You find yourself caring about someone or their well-being and realize that you can't care that much because then it gets serious and blurs the nature of the relationship.

Bottom line: Doable but not easy. However, not everyone deserves your whole heart. Not even your whole self. I hesitated to write that last sentence but it's true...you can't give everyone EVERYTHING you have. Then, you don't have anything left for you.

I'm just rambling tonight. No witty sign off.

Love freely,
tY

Hollywood: Redefining the Hookup

Can best friends be sex friends?

Well, I didn't ask the question. In fact, it's the tagline in Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman's upcoming movie, "No Strings Attached." While I, like any other chick flick moviegoer, got sucked in from the preview, let's be real. We know how the story ends: best friends turned eff buddies turned soulmates.

Let's rewind to my Thanksgiving break when I saw Love and Other Drugs with my sister. Now, the plot in this movie is a little different because Anne Hathaway's character is basically dying (sorry, I didn't know how to put that more eloquently) so there's this big elephant in the room everytime these virtual strangers dance horizontally. Elephant aside, the plot is the same except it's virtual strangers turned eff buddies turned soulmates.

I loved Love and Other Drugs and I have no doubt I'll enjoy No Strings Attached. The random hookup or eff buddies or whatever you like to call it has made a name for itself on the big screen and as someone who may or may not engage in such antics myself, I am proud.

Of course there's a but.

My hope is that women who see these movies know that in real life, the plot goes something like this: friends or strangers turned eff buddies turned...the end. Somewhere on the planet, there is a married couple who were once just sex comrades proving me completely wrong. But, in about a million other places on the planet, there are two college kids having really great sex right now and in a month or two or five, they will still (possibly) just be having really great sex.

So, what's my point? These movies are fantasy for adults (that sounds like a euphemism for pornography. oops.) Anyway, the endings of these movies are the exception to the rule and while there's a .0006% chance that your best (guy) friend will become your sex friend and then your soulmate, don't bet on it. Doesn't mean don't do it. Just means don't bet on it.

Love freely,
tY

Sorry I can't come to the phone right now

I have got to get better with updating this thing.

Currently, in an effort to procrastinate, I've decided to blog about something pretty funny in relationships: the voicemail.

Let's be real. No one checks their voicemail anymore. Usually, after the little number on my Blackberry screen reads "6" or so, I'll go through my voicemail, laughing at messages my friends sent me about a month ago and deleting them. Voicemail is outdated because why say what you can type and send instantly in a text message? Why bother to listen to a voicemail that will probably only say, "Hey, call me," when I'll see your missed call and hey, I'll call you.

Nevertheless, when it comes to that special person or that hookup or whatever, we somehow always find a way to say something after the beep. A few of my favorites:

1) "Heyyy.........I was just thinking of you...........call me"--What does this achieve? Oh, the sound of you hearing your own voice as you speak to thin air? Cause I'm pretty sure that's all you've accomplished.

2) "Yo, pick up your phone." I'll admit I've done this once or twice before. But, what's more obnoxious than calling someone back a nano second after they called you only to catch their voicemail?

3) The sappy I miss you voicemail: I swear these are ONLY for the purpose of you hearing a month later and swooning over your significant other. (ew.)

4) The belligerent voicemail: I almost wrote angry voicemail but that word just didn't do this voicemail justice. Everyone has done this. Typically it occurs after an argument when the only reason you're being directed to voicemail is because the person on the other end is blatantly ignoring your calls. And, you get mad. And, you show that anger by leaving a 2.5 minute long voicemail cursing the person out to the high heavens. Once, an ex let me listen to one of those voicemails I left him. I didn't know I was related to Linda Blair's head-spinning character but apparently in those 2.5 minutes...I was.

I say all of this to say while voicemail has become beyond obsolete, there's something about talking to nothing hoping the person in your life who means something will eventually hear it. There's something cool about archiving your voice because, unlike text, it is often times far more spontaneous and unartful.

So, when in doubt, leave a message after the beep.

Love freely,

tY