Friend card

Have you ever told someone, "I don't like you in that way but we can be great friends?"

If so, give yourself a pow pow. You know, a smack in the face. A hit. For me.

We've all done it. For whatever reason, we have all told someone who was feeling us in that warm and fuzzy lovey sort of way that we weren't feeling them in the same way but we still thought they could be a great friend to us. And, most likely, we have all been told that same thing.

Telling someone who likes you that you would love to be their friend is like spitting on them and then saying "Oh, sorry! Let me wipe that off for you." You still spit on them. You're just trying to fix it as best as possible.

It isn't that a friendship is impossible or out of reach. But, at that moment, that person who likes you doesn't want to be handed the friend card. Chances are they will chuck it before you can even get your next sentence out.

Solution? Be easy about letting them down and then later (whether thats a day, a month, or a year later), mention the friend thing. "You know, I'd really like it if we could remain friends." Comes off as more genuine that way as opposed to just crushing them and trying to fix it right then and there.

Love freely,
tY

Validate

The poem is called Validate. The message is pretty obvious. Enjoy.

Love freely,
tY

Why are you looking for validation?
Recognition of your own beauty hidden in fleeting temptations
See, he will only bring you temporary elation
Chills down your spine as you’ve never experienced these sensations
So why are you looking for validation?
Asking him to tell you you’re beautiful is an abomination
Because he can only see he doesn’t know your limitless limitations
So his admiration is a dead end destination
Yet you are looking for validation
Letting him break you of your highest concentration
Letting him take you to a dead end destination
See perhaps this is just my estimation
but doesn’t it seem like a possible explanation?
If you looked inside you would know without hesitation
That your beauty and your worth don’t require an invitation
Yet you are looking for validation
As if this is some sort of obligation
You are an unstoppable woman of education
A woman with dreams and aspirations
A woman driven by her fears as much as her motivation
And a woman who will be rare in this population
if you hold your head up high without reservations
God thought of you
He thought to create
So why are you looking at man
And asking him to validate?

Normal Rules Don't Apply

I just finished reading the transcript of Tiger Woods' apology.

Wow.

This is what struck me most about it:
I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have far -- didn't have to go far to find them.

Most of us like to think we are exceptional. We like to think that when everyone else gets a B on an exam, we are the 100% outlier. We like to think that we are the perfect candidate for a job where 1000 people applied. We like to think that even though that guy cheated on his past four girlfriends, we will change him and he won't cheat on us.
We like to think we are exceptional.
But, we are not.
Celebrities or working class citizens, lawyers or housewives...we are all trying to find our way and make a way. Perhaps our resources are different. Perhaps our education varies. But, at the end of the day, don't we all just want love? A place to call home? A family?

This seemed to be the most honest part of the apology and I say kudos to Tiger for that.

Whatever spectacle the media makes of this is their business. Woods destroyed the one thing that we all need: family. And, when the media finds a new story, when he is back on the field post affair (s) ala Kobe Bryant, he will still have to live with this.

Family and love, people. It's all we have. Maybe your family is your roommates. Maybe the love in your life isn't the love of your life. But, if you have it, don't mistreat it. Don't take it for granted. Don't abuse it. Because it's all we have.

Love freely,
tY

Happy Birthday, Free Love

As I was walking from class today, I realize it's been a year since I began this blog. Wow, I'm getting old.

I remember just sitting at work very early one morning last year and deciding to start a blog about love, life, and the implications surrounding them. It's hard to believe that was a year ago.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FREE LOVE!

Over the past year, I've written a lot and have been grateful to have this blog as an outlet for my zany observations and more serious and sober thoughts. While I recently conformed and got a tumblr (ugh, such a sell out, I know), I realize this is my true passion because in a lot of ways, love is my true passion. Observing it, finding it, and keeping it, whether it's romantic, platonic, sisterly, friendly, whatever.

I have fallen off recently because that's what happens when you decide to live a life that does not permit you much free time but with free love's birthday, it's time to pick back up.

If you're reading this and if you've been a loyal reader for the past year, thank you. Means a lot when people pretend that what I say is even somewhat worth listening to.

A lot has changed in my life over the past year, love-wise, too, I guess. I made a lot of snippy and sarcastic comments in these posts because I was a self-proclaimed hardass and everyone who knew me well saw right through it. I've softened a bit now. But, don't worry. I still have that bee eye tee see ech in me. Gotta stay somewhat hard around the edges.

Anyway, happy birthday again, free love. Mama loves you.

Gonna keep writing and gonna keep loving.

Love freely,
tY

Love Day

Some people hate this day. Some people love this day. Some people only like this day when they have someone.

I don't think today is an excuse to be bitter and I also don't think it's a day to parade around with flowers and chocolate. If you have any sort of love in your life, you are a lot more lucky than some people. So, sit back and relax.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Love freely,
tY

Choices

Sometimes, in life and love, we have to make choices. Sometimes, people expect us to make choices. Other times, we are forced to make choices. Sometimes, we stand still and refuse to make choices. Sometimes, we make these choices with a clear head and heart and other times, we are blind.
But, isn't it ironic that among all of the choices we make in life, we don't choose whom we love? We don't even choose love. It chooses us. And, maybe as a result we have to make choices that are difficult, choices that others disapprove of, choices that we didn't ever want to make.
In many aspects of life, we have the ability to choose. But, it becomes much more cloudy when it comes to love.

Love freely,
tY

Temporary Highs

"There's got to be more to life than chasing temporary highs."

Loneliness is a mindset, it is not a state of being. This time of year shoves love down our throats and forces us to think of the love we have or do not have, want or do not want, need or do not need. For some, it's a great time and for others, it's not so great.

But, the only true cure for loneliness is a natural emotional bond that evolves over time. And, as inconvenient as it might be, that is a bond that we can't seek out. We can't superficially create. We can't substitute with other relationships or acts. It is sent to us.

Better to focus on ourselves and the relationships in our lives that are meaningful during this intermediary time. No use chasing temporary highs.

Love freely,
tY